11 Underrated Ways Brilliant People Fix Their Relationships That The Rest Of Us Can Learn From
The behaviors people practice in their relationships have a significant impact on their ability to fix them when things go wrong.
Yanya / Shutterstock Relationships are going to have their bumps in the road. It is only natural to experience conflicts and occasionally feel frustrated and angry with one another. What truly determines the strength of a relationship and the connection between partners is their ability to resolve issues when they arise.
Partners who work to master these underrated tools are able to fix their relationships in a mature and healthy manner. They not only practice behaviors that better align them with themselves, but they also practice ones that help them understand their partner. Nurturing this connection and working to mend areas of the relationship that need repair ultimately helps to strengthen their relationship, and these practices are something all of us could learn from.
Here are 11 underrated ways brilliant people fix their relationships that the rest of us can learn from
1. They embrace honesty
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Honesty is a key component of what makes up a healthy and successful relationship. When someone embraces honesty within their relationships, it can help rebuild certain areas that may have struggled previously because it allows for authenticity, open communication, and trust within the relationship.
“The best way to create this more open, honest line of communication is to cultivate a curious and non-judgmental attitude in ourselves,” according to Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist.
In order to create a healthier environment within the relationship, you have to allow yourself to be honest with yourself and your partner without the fear of judgment or conflict.
2. They practice self-awareness and reflection
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Self-awareness and reflection play a significant role in repairing broken relationships. Having self-awareness and being able to reflect on past behaviors allows a person to understand how they personally contributed to issues within the relationship and how they can change their behavior in the future.
“Our ability for self-reflection involves knowing how we think and act in the moment and understanding how we affect others and how we are perceived,” explains Sandra Harewood, a UKCP and BACP registered psychotherapeutic counsellor.
Being self-aware and self-reflective helps a person understand how their actions affect their partner and helps them to reason with why their partner may be upset about their actions. This ultimately allows for behavioral changes to occur and issues to be resolved.
3. They actively listen to each other
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Practicing active listening can be a relationship saver. In the midst of conflict, it enhances communication, increases empathy, builds trust, and improves intimacy. All of these work together to resolve the conflict and enhance the relationship by helping each partner understand one another better.
“To gain a better understanding of your partner’s thoughts and feelings, pay attention to their tone of voice, body language, and emotions. Respond in a way that acknowledges their emotions while also showing that you’re listening and trying to understand their point of view,” according to Mara Hirschfeld, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
4. They avoid attempts at mind reading
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When someone has decided to no longer rely on mind-reading to determine what their partner thinks and feels, they can truly start to fix their relationship. Avoiding mind-reading allows for communication and emotional intimacy to have a better chance of thriving within the relationship because conflict is handled through better understanding.
“Mind reading often leads to false conclusions, which can trigger arguments or resentment. If left unchecked, these small moments snowball into bigger conflicts that erode trust in the relationship,” explains Elevate Counseling + Wellness, a therapy and counseling provider located in Chicago and Westmont, Illinois. When a couple chooses to listen to one another and trust each other’s feelings, they let go of mind-reading in the relationship, allowing healthier aspects of the relationship to flourish instead.
5. They pay attention to love languages
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Utilizing love languages has the ability to revive a relationship. If both partners actively pay attention to each other's love languages, emotional intimacy within the relationship grows, and the connection strengthens.
“When both partners commit to understanding and speaking each other’s love languages, the relationship becomes a space where each person feels heard, valued, and emotionally safe. This shared effort fosters a deeper connection, turning routine interactions into opportunities for building trust and strengthening the bond,” according to Christine Chae, a licensed psychotherapist.
Working to revive this bond during challenging times in a relationship sets the relationship up to overcome the hardship and continue to build a successful relationship.
6. They take responsibility for their own needs
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A relationship can risk becoming a controlling environment when one or both partners rely purely on their partner to take full responsibility for their needs. When their partner is unable to meet their needs, the controlling aspect surfaces, and it starts to make the relationship very unhealthy.
“By taking responsibility for meeting your own needs and pursuing your own passions, you will find yourself much less likely to attempt to control others,” explains Hailey Magee, a certified life coach at The Gottman Institute.
Instead of trying to change their partner, when a person starts taking responsibility for their own needs, they are able to feel more satisfied in their relationships, regardless of whether their partner can consistently meet their needs or not.
7. They turn conflicts into opportunities
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Considering that every relationship will inevitably encounter its own conflicts, understanding how to manage them in the most effective way is key. Turning conflict into opportunity shifts the dynamic between conflicts and healthy relationships. Instead of the conflict deteriorating the relationship, it starts allowing for growth, improved communication, and a deeper understanding from both partners.
“Every disagreement carries the potential for clarity and growth — if both partners are willing to lean in. Instead of avoiding arguments, shift your mindset toward using them as an opportunity for growth and understanding,” according to the Relationship Therapy Center, a group of trained therapists devoted to growing happy, healthy relationships.
By actively listening during conflict, finding common ground, and choosing to connect rather than criticize, both partners are working towards seeing the opportunity in the conflict.
8. They practice forgiveness
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When issues arise in a relationship and each individual chooses to hold on to resentment rather than forgive and let go, the relationship becomes stagnant. It gets stuck on this one negative aspect of the relationship and prevents the relationship from growing in other areas.
“By implementing effective communication strategies and learning the art of forgiveness in a relationship, you can move through difficult emotions toward mutual understanding and positive resolution,” explains the team at BetterHelp.
Instead of avoiding conflict and resentment, individuals who successfully fix their relationship learn to accept their emotions and move forward by learning how to manage these feelings and communicate them to their partner.
9. They embrace silence
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Being able to embrace silence within a relationship enables conflict to be resolved and the connection between two partners to flourish. Silence allows for self-reflection to take place and deepens the connection through being mindfully present.
“Within relationships, whether business or personal, it appears that silence not only gives you precious time to think but facilitates an appropriate and affirming response, which will make your conversation partner feel heard. With this basic communication dynamic in play, you can be on your way to developing a healthy, productive relationship, in any context,” according to Wendy L. Patrick, a career prosecutor and international public speaker.
10. They nurture shared values
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Partners who nurture shared values are more successful when fixing aspects of their relationships. Doing so allows for a clear foundation of trust to be built, and it helps determine the way that they make decisions and handle conflicts throughout the relationship.
“Shared values provide a sense of predictability and reliability that encourages trust. When you know your partner holds the same fundamental beliefs, you feel confident they’ll act in ways that align with those values,” explains Naila Yazdani of Sage Counseling Therapy and Wellness.
This predictability can be a major contributing factor in strengthening a relationship and making it feel like a safe place for each individual, even in the midst of conflict.
11. They emotionally regulate
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When both partners can emotionally regulate themselves, they can enhance their communication and connection and find constructive ways to resolve conflicts. This ultimately makes it easier for them to repair their relationship when things are not going well.
“In relationships, whether romantic, family-based, or platonic, emotions can be intense, and knowing how to regulate those emotions is crucial for maintaining healthy interactions. Without emotional regulation, people may experience frequent outbursts, misunderstandings, or emotional burnout,” according to Heartland Therapy Connection, a team of therapists who work to meet the needs of their clients.
When people in relationships work to emphasize and practice these behaviors, it allows their relationships to grow and become healthy and successful, even when conflict arises. We could all learn from these people so that we, too, can foster and nurture our own relationships.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
