11 Things Wives Should Stop Expecting From Their Husbands No Matter What
It's hard for husbands to meet the expectations their wives have for them all the time.
Vasylchenko Nikita / Shutterstock When settling down with someone, you likely have high expectations for that person and the marriage that follows. It’s not unrealistic to want your needs met, but expectations can be detrimental in a relationship. Placing too much pressure on the person you love can create resentment and eventually may be a death sentence for that partnership.
According to experts, marriages are best when there are no expectations at all. Setting unrealistic assumptions about the person you love can wear away at many of the traits that make a partnership strong. “Having expectations changes the relationship dynamic into one that will struggle to work,” says marriage coach Stephen Hedger. “Having expectations turns the connection into meeting my needs on demand.” To keep a relationship healthy and happy, wives should stop expecting certain things from their husbands, no matter what.
Here are 11 things wives should stop expecting from their husbands no matter what
1. That he’ll gossip like one of her close friends
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It can be funny to gossip with your husband. For some, this is an essential part of a relationship that strengthens a bond, but for others, the expectation that they will yap like one of her close friends can put a strain on a relationship.
Gossiping about close friends to a spouse can cause an awkward rift. If a wife’s partner is only hearing negative or catty things about her friends, or she is spilling other people’s personal business to him, his opinion on that individual will likely change. It is better not to expect your husband to be your gossip buddy and keep that dynamic with close friends instead.
2. That he’ll constantly provide validation
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Anxiety in a relationship is natural, but it is difficult to place the burden of validation on a spouse. While a wife’s husband should be providing validation through daily actions, constantly relying on him to boost your confidence can be difficult for him to manage. Sometimes, he may be accidentally invalidating your feelings or relationship strength.
Validation is important in a relationship. It can bring couples together and allow them to feel secure in their marriage. However, constantly seeking validation can put a strain on a marriage. It causes unhealthy attachment issues. Wives should stop expecting their husbands to constantly validate their relationship, as it could be taxing on their mental health.
3. That he will dedicate all his time to her
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It’s no surprise that married couples enjoy spending time together. However, when a wife expects her husband to spend all of his free time with her, she may be negatively impacting their relationship.
Everyone needs social interactions outside of their primary relationship. It can be unhealthy to spend time with only the same person. Wives should stop expecting their husbands to spend all their time with them and instead embrace their friends and the way they like to spend their free time.
4. That he will take on her hobbies
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In a marriage, it is important to have shared interests. That could be the same taste in music and movies, or an interest in sports or gardening. It is unrealistic, though, to expect your husband to take on all of your hobbies.
Spending quality time together is important, but so is having your own hobbies outside of your relationship. A study found that meeting your own needs within a relationship helps the overall quality of that bond. It is important for both a husband and wife to do their own activities outside of their shared interests. Wives should stop expecting their husbands to take on all of their interests.
5. That he’ll have similar goals
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Of course, it is important to be on the same page before you get married. Core qualities and beliefs, like wanting to have children or practicing the same religion, need to be discussed before tying the knot. The same, smaller goals, however, should not be expected from a wife.
Goals vary from person to person. Someone’s goal might not make sense to another, but they want to accomplish it to fulfill their wants or needs. These goals could be in their work, personal life, or even in their marriage. It’s normal to not reach for the same things as your husband, at least, at times, and wives should stop expecting that of them.
6. That he’s responsible for her happiness
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According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), there is a lot to be gained from your romantic relationships. However, it can cross a line when a wife expects her husband to completely fulfill her happiness.
It’s important for a wife to participate in actions that make her happy. Putting all of her happiness in one person can leave the wife feeling let down and depressed when her needs aren’t met. On the other side of the coin, it can feel like a heavy weight to bear. It’s better to keep this expectation out of a relationship entirely.
7. That he will change to fit her mold
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“I can fix him.” We have all heard that infamous line from a friend, or maybe we are the one who said it. By now, it’s clear that you can’t fix or change someone for them, and when it comes to marriage, you shouldn’t expect that in the first place.
Wives who want specific things from their partner may try to change him to meet those needs for them. This expectation is unrealistic and can make things awkward between a couple. It’s important to accept your husband for who he is before tying the knot in order to avoid this unfair expectation.
8. That he can read her mind
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When you know someone well, you may think you know exactly what they’re thinking. A wife may expect her husband to know her so well that he can read her mind, but this is an expectation they should avoid.
Having an open conversation about your feelings is important. When a wife isn’t clearly stating what she needs or how she is feeling and instead expects her husband to read her mind, she is putting a strain on their relationship that will lead to resentment and arguments.
9. That he will be her ‘everything’
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One person isn’t enough to fill every need someone has in their life. This causes tension, anxiety, and puts too much pressure on the other person. Wives need more people in their lives than just their husbands, and it’s unrealistic to expect them to be their ‘everything.’
“You can’t rely solely on one person to do everything with you and meet all of your emotional and social needs because that’s an impossible expectation that will only lead to disappointment,” Yasmin Missaghian wrote in Silver Magazine. “Likewise, you can’t expect to be someone’s everything, because you will inevitably fail.”
10. That he will never fight with her
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Arguments and small fights are crucial in a relationship, experts say. While fighting can be negative in a marriage, if done with respect and cooperation, it can strengthen a bond and allow couples to find common ground.
Wives should not expect their husbands to never fight or argue with them. “Remember that happy couples are not couples that don’t fight,” says Dr. Susan Heitler. “Rather, they’re couples that fight fair and take responsibility for their own words and actions, no matter how furious they may feel inside.”
11. That he will make their marriage effortless
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Everyone wants their happily ever after. Many women will go into a marriage expecting it to be picture perfect, but that expectation shouldn’t be placed on her husband.
Marriage is hard. A study found that struggles in a marriage can strengthen a couple’s resilience and overall enhance their bond. Expecting an effortless marriage is unrealistic. Relationships will endure when they are strong, and wives should stop expecting their husbands to make their marriage easy and stress-free.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
