If A Man Truly Loves You, These 10 Things Will Never, Ever Cross Your Mind
He chooses to love you every day.
Valerii Honcharuk | Canva Communication is the key to any strong relationship. It's how people let others know they truly love them. Since we all communicate our love differently, it's important to keep a loose grip on the definition of communication itself.
A 2008 study of the importance of emotional intelligence and communication patterns in relationship satisfaction found "the most satisfied couples were those who did not avoid discussion of relationship problems and who rated their partners high in emotional intelligence, and satisfied couples were also more likely to perceive themselves as having higher levels of emotional intelligence."
If a man truly loves you, these ten things will never, ever cross your mind:
1. Whether or not he respects you
Love is a product of respect. We cannot love someone we don't have respect for. Respect for their opinions, respect for their feelings, respect for their wants and needs.
A man who loves and cares for you will always consider you when making decisions that affect you both. He will ask for your opinions. He will treat you as an extension of himself because that's what you are in a relationship.
2. Whether or not he thinks you're beautiful
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Finding someone beautiful isn't just about physical attraction. The truth is that when you love someone for who they truly are, everything about them becomes beautiful.
No man should let the woman in his life wonder if he's attracted to her. Well-placed compliments and paying attention to small details do wonders.
3. Whether or not he appreciates you
There should be no gap in time where you feel unappreciated by your partner. Understandably, life gets chaotic and stressful, and often we lose sight of someone else's feelings if we're caught up in our hectic day-to-day routine. But this is why it's so important to be willing to put effort into your relationship.
No matter how busy or stressed out a man is, when he comes home to you at night, he must put in the conscious effort to make sure you know he appreciates everything you do for him. Results of a 2015 study suggested, "when a person expends effort, they are more romantically desirable regardless of how successful they are."
4. Whether or not you're worth the effort
You're worth every single ounce of effort a man has in his heart to give to you and your relationship. The right man will never make you question your self-esteem or worthiness for love. A 2014 study in Developmental Psychology showed "the development of self-esteem in both partners of a couple contributes in a meaningful way to the development of the partners' common satisfaction with their relationship."
5. Whether or not he envisions a future with you
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When a man is serious about you, he will have no problem making plans together for the future. Whether it's an upcoming holiday or a vacation next summer, his willingness to use "we" when talking about it is a clear sign that when he pictures a more mature version of himself, he's also picturing you there by his side.
6. Whether or not he supports you
When a man commits his love and his time to a woman, there are no stipulations or circumstances required. There will be good times and there will be not-so-good times. There will be challenges and unexpected situations that arise. But he will stay by your side and be your teammate through it all.
Of course, this doesn't mean you can disrespect him, lie, or cheat. It doesn't mean you can betray his trust and expect him to stick around because he promised to commit to you. This point is about things the two of you go through together, and him having the integrity to not walk away when times get hard.
Any man can be by your side on sunny days. The real test of character is whether or not he will hold the umbrella over you during the stormy days.
7. Whether or not you can open up to him
Comfort in a relationship (the good kind, not the kind that makes you stop trying) comes from the ability to be open and honest with your partner, and the ability to do this comes from knowing you will never be judged. The American Journal of Family Therapy explained how the relationship between an individual's emotional intelligence and their partner's level of satisfaction with the relationship is directly linked.
A good man will encourage you to open up and share your feelings with him. There should never be any fear of him flying off the handle or overreacting if you share something with him. This means being able to be the most genuine, uncensored version of yourself around him.
8. Whether or not he's dedicated to improving himself
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Whether it be learning new things, developing a new skill set, reading a new book, or watching a documentary, a good man who prides himself on continuous self-improvement will always intellectually challenge you and keep your attention. He will be doing these things for himself, but the added benefit will be the positive impact it has on your relationship.
9. Whether or not you're safe around him
One of the best compliments a woman can give a man is telling him that she feels safe around him. Regardless of how attracted she is to you, or how funny she thinks you are, or how much money you have, if a woman cannot sleep soundly by your side at night, none of it matters.
10. Whether or not he's committed to loving you
Love isn't a passive emotion. It isn't just something that bursts into our hearts like fireworks, only to dissipate as quickly as it arrived. Love is a choice. It's a conscious effort to look past differences, to embrace how your partner can improve you, to embrace what they can teach you about life, and what you can teach them in return.
Choosing to love is an attitude. "Romantic partners have different attitudes on what love is and what it means to be in a romantic relationship," explained a 2018 study from The American Psychological Assocation. The study showed how partner attitudes affect how the relationship is maintained and how satisfied the partners are. Feeling satisfied in the relationship can help partners cope with stress, which in turn enhances relationship satisfaction.
Love isn't something you "fall" into; it's something you rise into. It's something you rise into together, converging and combining your paths when you meet, and continuing on one single road of life together from that point on.
That road will have speed bumps, potholes, and unexpected obstacles. It may not be the road you envisioned yourself going down, but you can take solace in the fact that it's the only road you would ever want to be on because the person you love is on it next to you.
The right man will never make you worry that he might take the next exit and leave you traveling alone, because he's committed to choosing to love you. Every day.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He is a go-to expert on CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
