11 Things That Quietly Make A Husband Question His Marriage
If he's asking these questions, he may be slowly checking out.
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock There is a common misconception that even when their wives seem to be somehow falling apart emotionally, husbands are likely to remain content and happy within their marriage. And while this might be the case for some men, others are quick to notice when their marriage is less than ideal. From constant arguments to passive-aggressive behavior, the things that quietly make a husband question his marriage are rooted in his growing sense of discomfort and dissatisfaction.
No man wants to question the intentions of his wife or, worse, consider getting a divorce, just because times are hard. However, after experiencing multiple instances of blatant disrespect or emotional abandonment, even the most committed man might think about leaving his marriage. So, if couples want to avoid this and become stronger as a unit, there are some things they should avoid to keep their marriage going strong.
These are 11 things that quietly make a husband question his marriage
1. Constant criticism or a lack of appreciation
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The first thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is constant criticism or a lack of appreciation. Husbands aren't perfect, but there's a huge difference between correcting them and criticizing them. Whether they forgot to wash the dishes or take out the trash, we all have certain flaws.
That being said, just because we have those flaws doesn't mean we can't grow and learn, with a little bit of grace. Unfortunately, most people expect change right away, which isn't always realistic. According to a study published in Healthcare, it takes 59-66 days for a habit to stick.
With this in mind, it's important to meet one another halfway. While wives have a reason to be upset, husbands are also human beings with their own feelings and flaws. This is why open communication, accountability, and patience are so important, especially in marriage.
2. Emotional disconnection
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When most people think about what husbands want, there's always a focus on the physical. From kisses to intimacy, most couples forget that husbands are just like everyone else and deep down inside, need connection. According to a study published in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, human beings are wired to connect.
As a result, one thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is emotional disconnection. There's no greater threat to a marriage (besides cheating) than emotional disconnection. Unlike other things, emotional disconnection is often silent and, because of that, deadly.
And while husbands might not say anything or pretend it doesn't bother them, deep down inside, husbands are yearning for emotional intimacy from their partner. So, no matter how upset their partner may be, don't shut them out unless you're truly done with the marriage.
3. A dismissive attitude
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In a relationship, communication can either make or break your marriage. One thing that can quietly make a husband question his marriage is if his wife has a dismissive attitude. Once again, this isn't to say that the wife's feelings are invalid. When a woman feels dismissed, she might naturally withdraw.
However, both parties need to communicate and listen while leaving space for change, as stonewalling rarely gets married couples far. As the Gottman Institute explained, "Trying to communicate with someone who is acting in this way can be frustrating, and if the stonewalling continues, infuriating."
Now, is communication always easy? Of course not. But working through issues together is a lot better than holding them inside, effectively creating distance and lasting damage that might not ever fully reverse.
4. Comparisons to other men
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Let's be honest for a second: nobody likes comparisons. Whether it's parents comparing their daughters or husbands comparing their wives, a thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is comparisons to other men. Sure, wives might want their husbands to do better.
However, comparing husbands isn't the way to go. Not only is it disrespectful, but comparisons might actually have damaging impacts on men's mental health. According to a study published in 2023, comparisons can have a negative psychological effect on people.
So, while wives might not see anything wrong with their actions, it's important to tread carefully. If wives don't like being compared to other women, they should avoid comparing their husbands to other men.
5. Silent treatment
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When a woman is fed up and on the edge, she might suddenly grow cold and silent as she feels her voice isn't being heard. And while her feelings are understandable, it doesn't change the fact that a thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is the silent treatment.
It's tempting to shut down, but shutting down and refusing to communicate isn't the answer, no matter how tempting it may be. A study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that opening up about feelings can relieve stress and strengthen our immune system.
So, if a woman wants to make her marriage work, it requires vulnerability and open conversation. Even if it's hard, the last thing that should ever happen is staying silent, as silence isn't just damaging for yourself, but it's damaging for your husband as well.
6. Lack of shared goals
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Another thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is the lack of shared goals. In a marriage, each person should be on the same page about where they're moving from their current situation. Whether it's moving or going back to school, these discussions are crucial for the longevity of the relationship.
Even if the shared goals are unrealistic or harder to achieve, in the end, sharing goals is about creating connection. As psychotherapist Carolyn Sharp, LICSW, said, "By setting intentional, shared goals, couples can move from just getting by to a truly thriving relationship together."
That being said, it's okay for people to change their minds. After being married for many years, couples might find that the things they once wanted aren't at the top of their priority list. Yet when that happens, it's important to compromise as refusing to might just put a dent in the marriage.
7. Constant conflict
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Conflict in marriage is unavoidable, as much as people may hate it. From disagreeing about holiday visits to disagreeing about money, conflict is a natural part of any relationship. That being said, a thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is constant conflict.
Conflict is tough, but constantly arguing and belittling each other is even tougher. And while couples might do their best to avoid these constant tiffs, there will almost always be a period in which arguments happen left and right. And according to health expert and professor Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A., "Arguments can be an important way to communicate. When done constructively, arguing can help you better understand each other and any issues that may be coming between you."
However, if a couple is arguing constantly, not only will this tear the relationship apart, but it might just make their mental health worse.
8. Public disrespect or embarrassment
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Now, some partners don't mean to embarrass their partner or disrespect them in public; however, sometimes, without meaning to, a thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is public disrespect or embarrassment. Once again, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing.
Every person has their own opinion, and sometimes, it doesn't align with their partner's. But there's a time and place to discuss these differences that don't involve calling them out in the middle of a family gathering. As professor of psychology, Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D., explained, the recipe for addressing things is to go high and maybe even bring a sense of humor into the situation; that way, you don't accidentally put your partner on defense mode.
So, if a wife or husband doesn't see eye to eye with the other, that's okay. Just talk about it when you guys get home.
9. Feeling controlled or micromanaged
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Another thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is feeling controlled or micromanaged. A relationship is supposed to be a give-and-take, no matter how difficult it may be. From needing to compromise to sacrificing, there are times when one person might feel a bit micromanaged in their relationship. Yet this doesn’t change the fact that some women take it too far and unconsciously end up controlling their husbands.
Whether they’re making suggestions or straight up telling them what to do, it’s important to listen and give their man a little freedom. Otherwise, they might feel suffocated.
10. One-sided effort
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Everyone has heard of women’s concerns when it comes to taking on too much of the household labor. And while this is a universal problem for many women, men can also experience it.
From being the only one to plan dates to paying for everything, a thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is a sided effort. Yes, a side effort is terrible, but sometimes it’s completely unavoidable. Like anything in life, there will sometimes be a time when one person is giving more than they’re receiving.
Yet during moments like these, the other person needs to listen to their partner's concerns; otherwise, they can make their man feel used.
11. Disregarding friends or family
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Finally, the last thing that quietly makes a husband question his marriage is disregarding his friends or family. In marriage, couples understand that they don’t just marry the person; they also marry into the family. For better or worse, women must find a way to get along with their family members, even if it’s hard.
That being said, some women disregard friends and family who aren’t necessarily problematic, causing tension in the long run. So, if their husband’s family is toxic, limit contact but do your best to be pleasant and respectful.
But if they aren’t toxic and your husband voices his concerns about your behavior, always keep an open mind and listen. A good relationship with your family means fewer problems in your marriage.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
