7 Things Foolish Men Do In Relationships That Smart Women Recognize Instantly
Some behaviors just scream immaturity.
Catherine Zhuang | Unsplash It happened! You’ve clicked with someone! He’s just your type, the intimacy is great, he makes you laugh, and ... what? He says he’s looking for a relationship. Have you stumbled upon the jackpot?
Slow your roll for just a second before you start ringing the wedding bells. It could be everything you’ve been searching for, or it could be too good to be true. He may just be telling you what you want to hear. Or, he may actually believe in the moment that he’s sincere, but he’s really just caught up in the passion. But smart women know when a foolish man is just talking the relationship talk and not ready to walk the relationship walk.
Here are 7 things foolish men do in relationships that smart women recognize instantly:
1. They don't make you a priority
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He likes hanging out with you, and you always have fun together, but you’re not exactly number one (or even number two) on his list. You often find yourself put aside for other hangouts or occasions. Of course, everyone’s allowed to have their own friends and their own life, but if he’s not factoring you into his plans and only telling you about things after the fact, he’s not ready for a relationship with you.
According to renowned American psychologist John Gottman's research, the key difference between couples who thrive and those who eventually split comes down to how often partners meet each other's requests for emotional connection. When someone consistently puts you on the back burner, they're essentially failing that test over and over again.
2. He takes forever to respond to their messages
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A lot of people think that this is just part of the dating game. He takes two hours to respond to your text, so then you have to take three, and it spins out of control from there. Nonsense. If he actually really likes you, he’ll respond to your messages when he gets them. If he doesn’t respond within a courteous amount of time, he’ll even apologize for it when he does respond. A guy who doesn’t take you seriously will respond to you whenever it suits him, or sometimes not at all.
Dr. Jess Carbino, a sociologist who worked with Tinder and Bumble, explained that we're wired to look for signs of investment in others so we can decide how much of our own time and energy to give in return. Response time becomes an important measure of interest and investment, which is why people spend so much mental energy thinking about when to respond to potential partners.
3. He cancels plans last-minute
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If you find that you’re constantly rescheduling or that he flakes out on your plans, then he’s not into you like you thought he was. This is a lesson in going by action instead of taking him at his word. A lot of women get swept up in the logic of "But he said this!" and it makes them emotionally confused when he displays classic signs of non-interest. Don’t go by what he says, go by what he does. If he cancels on you more than once, get rid of him.
When someone repeatedly cancels plans at the last minute, they're showing you exactly where you rank in their life. Relationship expert Susan Winter explains that feeling "neglected and compartmentalized" while yearning for your partner's full attention is a clear sign something's off.
4. He always has a convincing argument
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When you confront him about canceling plans or not responding promptly, he always has a defense at the ready. Be careful now, because you may be dealing with a manipulator. Manipulators know how to flip the situation in their favor to make it seem like you were out of line for accusing or questioning them in the first place. Does he ever say he’s sorry, or does he just have a built-in excuse?
As marriage and family therapist Darlene Lancer explains, manipulators "may lie or act caring or hurt or shocked by your complaints, all to deflect any criticism and to continue to behave unacceptably." "By shifting the blame, the aggrieved person is now on the defensive."
5. He has a bad personal track record
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Don’t just look at how he is with you; look at the bigger picture of his life. Is he the kind of guy who sticks to his word, or does he make proclamations and then consistently fail to follow through?
A good indicator that a guy is not ready for a relationship is that he can’t complete other personal goals he’s made for himself. He says he’s going to leave this job and find another one, but doesn’t. He says he’s going to go back to school, but never does. And there’s always some excuse.
6. He also has a bad relationship track record
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Is he the kind of guy who has been in relationships, or has he been the kind of guy who flits from woman to woman? Don’t get yourself into the business of trying to change someone or thinking that you’re going to be the one to put a halt to his player behavior.
He may really like you, but old habits die hard, and you don’t want to get caught in the crossfire. A 2018 study tracked people across multiple relationships and found that people who cheated in one relationship were three times more likely to cheat in their next relationship compared to those who had stayed faithful.
7. He’s only focused only on himself
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A lot of people seem to forget that the very word "relationship" implies the connection between two people. You can’t be selfish when you’re in a relationship. Of course, everyone must always look out for themselves, but selfishness is different.
He should want to take care of you and put his time and energy into you, just like you would for him. If it seems like the scales are tipped more one way than the other, then it’s not going to work. If he’s too interested in himself, he won’t be able to give what a relationship requires.
Taylor Markarian is a freelance writer and editor. Her work has been featured in Reader's Digest, Fox News, Insider, BRIDES, Alternative Press, Loudwire, Kerrang!, and MSN, among many other publications.
