7 Signs You’re In A Right Person/Wrong Time Situation
If one or both of you aren’t single or your long-term goals aren’t the same, you're probably in a right person/wrong time situation.
Irene Miller/ Shutterstock Most of us seem to grow up with this idea that we’ll meet the right person, and everything will just fall into place.
It doesn’t help that people in committed relationships will tell you things like "when you know, you know" and how easy a relationship can be when you finally meet the right person.
But nothing about dating and relationships seems easy.
In fact, you might feel like you’ve met the right person already, but it’s not easy at all. It’s possible that you’ve met the right person — at the wrong time.
Does the person you’ve found feel like the right person for you? When this happens, you might feel the rightness of the connection in your bones.
It may seem like everything about them is perfect for you, but there are relationship challenges you can’t ignore.
Timing is everything, right? Let’s take a look at 7 signs that timing is the problem.
Here are 7 signs you’re in a right person/wrong time situation:
1. One or both of you aren’t single
If you’re not both single, the timing is wrong.
While there may be exceptions to every rule, most healthy relationships don’t begin with infidelity.
If you’re in a relationship or they are, it’s time to take a step back. If the connection is right, you’ll both need to disentangle yourself from current relationships and heal from them before you come back together.
It’s a harsh truth, but it’s an important one. If you want a healthy relationship, it needs to begin in a place of integrity.
You can acknowledge the connection without acting on it until you’re both free.
2. You’re separated by distance
If you and your love are separated by distance, this could create the right person but wrong time situation.
If you have full, happy lives in two different locations, it might be hard to envision a shared future.
Who has to move? Who will need to start completely over? It’s possible that neither of you wants to do that, but you also can’t deny the powerful connection.
This could be a matter of the right person and the wrong time.
Maybe there will be a time in the future when the distance doesn’t feel like a barrier or when one or both of you will be ready for a significant change. Until then, the distance issue may feel insurmountable.
3. One or both of you are newly single
Being newly single may seem like perfect timing. They’re free and so are you!
But … have you healed from your last relationship? Have you taken the time to unpack that baggage before moving forward? Have you given yourself space to grieve?
If you latch onto the right person immediately after a breakup, you could end up in the right person wrong time scenario that just brings you more heartache.
You can certainly heal from the past inside a new relationship, but it does complicate that healing. You could also end up being a rebound for them or inadvertently make them your rebound.
4. Your long-term goals aren’t the same
It’s also possible to end up in a right person wrong time situation when you have different goals for the future.
Your lifestyles just aren’t meshing, and you may despair that this amazing person doesn’t want what you want.
Not being on the same page in terms of the future will absolutely throw a monkey wrench into your relationship.
It’s possible that one or both of you will change in the future and become more aligned. If that happens, you might make your way back to each other.
However, it would be foolhardy to stay in a relationship with separate future goals hoping that the other person will change or that you will.
5. Your schedules won’t align
If you’ve met an amazing person but encounter a scheduling issue, you may move heaven and earth to work it out.
Whether your issues are work schedules, childcare, or some other consideration, having schedules that simply won’t align can create frustration in the relationship.
Even if no one is at fault, it can seem like a barrier neither of you can overcome.
It’s possible that the schedule will change one day, freeing you up to be together, but are you ready to wait however long that takes inside an unfulfilling union?
It may be time to let them go and trust that if they’re meant to be in your life, they’ll circle back when your schedules are more aligned.
6. The relationship feels one-sided
One-sided relationships are heartbreaking. If you feel like you’re the only one growing and making an effort in the relationship, it’s possible you’ve landed in a right person wrong time situation.
Maybe they aren’t ready for a relationship. Maybe they haven’t reached the point in their life where they feel a need to change. You just know you can’t go on like this.
They may feel like the right person for you, but wouldn’t the right person be making an effort to maintain the relationship?
It could be a matter of timing, but you won’t know unless you’re willing to take the risk to break it off and step away.
You can’t force timing, but you can choose what’s best for you right now.
7. You’re experiencing a major life issue or transition
It’s also possible you’ve met the right person at the wrong time if one or both of you is experiencing a major life event.
Life throws unexpected curveballs at us all the time. From deaths in the family to illness to sudden job relocation, there are situations that arise that have nothing to do with the quality of the relationship and everything to do with timing.
Yes, some couples still make it work. But not everyone is able to do that.
If you’ve met the right person and the timing is off, you just may have to trust that one day the timing will be right again.
Life events happen, and you’ll need to decide if it’s really the right time for a relationship.
What to do if you’re in a right person wrong time situation:
If you find yourself in the right person wrong time situation, you may need to be brutally honest with yourself.
Why do you think they’re the right person? Is it that they have all the qualities of someone who is right for you? Is it a gut feeling?
It’s very possible that you’ve found the wrong person at the right time.
Let me explain. Some people come into our lives, and at the time, they feel like the right person.
It’s how we end up in those relationships in the first place. It just works, and we have all these feelings for them.
Later, we realize it’s a poor match, or something happens to reveal a side to them we didn’t see or acknowledge before. They might have been the right person to teach us a lesson but not the right person to share our lives.
Sometimes, we can tell ourselves we met the right person at the wrong time because it hurts less than if we were to acknowledge they weren’t right for us at all.
It would mean we’d have to be accountable for our choices and recognize that maybe they didn’t love us in the way we needed.
So, you’ll need to be honest with yourself first. Are you telling yourself the truth or inventing a fairy tale to make yourself feel better?
On the other hand, if you really do believe they’re the right person but the timing is terrible, there’s another choice.
You can choose to trust the Universe. You can surrender to the timing by accepting that it’s not right at this moment.
You can let go and trust that if it’s right, they’ll find their way back to you.
This is such a power move, but it’s also soul-crushing.
You might be heartbroken. The last thing in the world you might want to do is to let them go. But you won’t know if timing is the issue if you don’t set them free.
If you choose to go this route, this doesn’t mean you wait for them and expect them to wait for you. It means you both go on to live your lives.
You build careers and families and work toward your goals.
You’re putting your ultimate trust in the Universe to guide you back together if and when it’s right without trying to force the circumstances to be right.
It can feel discouraging to find the right person at the wrong time, but there are lessons inside this experience, too.
Instead of focusing on finding the right person, you get the chance to focus on being the right person — not just for relationships but for yourself and your quality of life.
Embrace the opportunity to grow, learn and experience life outside of romantic relationships.
You can choose to feel like the Universe is set against you and resent it, or you can see the time of separation as an opportunity to gracefully accept what is and to grow into your full power. You always have a choice.
If they’re the right person at the wrong time, they’ll be back when the time is right — and if they don’t come back, maybe they just weren’t the right person for you.
Crystal Jackson is a former therapist and the author of the Heart of Madison series. Her work has been featured on Medium, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, The Good Men Project, Elephant Journal, and Mamamia.