11 Rare Things You'll Only Experience If You Married The Right Person
PeopleImages | Shutterstock When you've been married to the right person for a few years, you learn something that seems counterintuitive on the surface: there's no such thing as a perfect partner, or even someone who is perfect for you. There are, however are a few things you'll experience when you marry the right person.
Marriage is a hard sometimes because life is hard and people are complicated, but that's also what makes marriage so beautiful. Life can be hard, but you get through it together. And when you're married to the right person, you get stronger and stronger along the way.
11 rare signs you definitely married the right person
1. You can sit together in comfortable silence
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If you and the person you're married can sit together in comfortable silence without feeling pressured to speak, it's a big sign you married the right person. You can talk about anything and you genuinely enjoy hearing their thoughts, but you can also share space without talking, and just be quiet together.
Often, the impulse to fill the silence comes from a fearful place. If there's silence, we have to wonder what our partner is thinking and feeling, and if we're insecure with them (or ourselves) that can be scary.
According to Dr. Michele Leno, "Silence often forces us to confront discomfort, whether it's awkwardness in social interactions or deeper insecurities we’d rather avoid," and these are things we don't want in a good marriage.
The ability to exist in comfortable silence shows that you feel a sense of security and ease. And that's one of the greatest gifts marriage has to offer.
2. You think one another's imperfections are beautiful
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Another rare experience you experience when you marry the right person is finding the beauty in your spouse's imperfections. In turn, they find beauty in yours. They appreciate you for your full self and they don’t try to fix you or push you to change.
Sure, the way they make a mess of the kitchen every time you cook makes you a little crazy, and your tendency to be late isn’t their favorite thing in the world, but that's life. You'll never be 100% in agreement or never annoyed, and if you were, one of you would be lying!
When you've married the right person, you allow each other to embrace yourselves completely, while still continuing to grow as people.
3. You feel safe opening up to one another
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If you feel safe enough to be open, even about the hard things, it’s a sign you picked the right person to marry. Vulnerability is never an easy endeavor, even with someone you’re married to. It also goes both ways, and you need to be that person for your spouse.
All too often, our instinct is to hide our darker side from view because we’re worried we’ll lose the people we love if we share that part of ourselves. Yet the strength of any relationship hinges on opening up to each other, as social worker Terry Gaspard revealed.
“Opening up to our partner can make us feel vulnerable and exposed, but vulnerability in a relationship is the most important ingredient of having a trusting, intimate companion,” Gaspard explains. “For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel that they are needed and appreciated for the support they give.”
If a little trust is lost, both partners commit to building it back up.
“The ultimate risk is allowing yourself to fall in love, which requires letting go of control and of the fear of being hurt or abandoned,” she continued. “While all relationships present risks, they are risks worth taking.”
4. You remember the little things
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Another rare thing that happen when you marry the right person is the way they pay attention to the little things.
They remember the stories you told them on your first date, and they remember how they felt that night. They remember that you love gummy worms but hate gummy bears, and they buy some from you every time they go to a gas station.
You, in turn, know why they dislike golf and the secret reason they're afraid of spiders. you know their favorite BBQ stand and exactly what they order. Despite what you see in fairy tales, this is what true love looks like when you marry the right person.
So much of life is about the little things. The way we show up for the people we love has less to do with any relationship philosophy than it does with being present and making the decision, over and over, to keep being present.
5. You support each other even in the toughest times
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When times get tough, when money is tight or someone has been sick, those who married the right person don't give up. They don’t detach or shut down or run away. They stay by your side, a steady presence through the storm, reminding you that no feeling is forever, and that this, too, shall pass.
According to the experts at The Gottman Institute, compromise is one of the most important aspects of a good marriage, and absolutely necessary during tough times and conflict.
When you've married the right person, you both understand that relationships are built on give and take. You validate each other's emotions without trying to reflexively fix them. Instead, you process together and solve problems as a team.
6. Doing boring things together is fun, or at least tolerable
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Another rare sign you picked the right person to marry is that doing boring things together isn’t actually boring. Adulting is full of things we don’t really want to do, like paying bills and folding laundry or loading and unloading the dishwasher, but when you have your partner alongside you, it's all way more tolerable.
You don’t mind going grocery shopping if they’re with you, because they offer a running commentary on every kind of sugar cereal and they tap dance down the aisles to whatever song is playing. Household chores become a shared experience, and you know that every boring thing you do together is a way to show your love in action.
This strength is often tested when you have your first child, but with this foundation, you learn once again that you've married the right person. You'll tackle the challenges and long nights together, happy to have one another.
7. Their weird matches your weird
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First, let's get this straight: everyone is weird in some way. We all have weird aspects of our personalities or habits, or have done weird thing in the past. When you've married the right person, your brand of weird compliments their weird and you understand one another.
Because of this, your relationship is anchored by the silly moments you have together, the ones no else would understand. The fabric of your love is stitched with inside jokes and idiosyncrasies. You don’t have to justify your love of drinking pickle brine straight from the jar and they don’t have to explain their no-socks-in-bed rule.
The strange joys you share bring you closer, a rare sign you’re just right for each other. And even when you don't love the same things, you respect that their weird interests and habits are just part of who they are. And this is a truly beautiful thing.
8. You challenge each other in a respectful way
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When you've married the right person, the two of you grow together as people and as a couple. This only happens when spouses are able to challenge one another in respectful ways, calling them into growth rather than shouting and demanding it.
Your relationship is based on mutual respect, which gives you the foundation you need to trust each other. Trusting someone means acknowledging we’re fallible, but there’s no way for real love to exist without trust.
As relationship coach Jordan Gray points out, that "trust requires people to “make plans for the future and build longer-term commitments.”
“Be willing to stay put,” Gray advises. “Put down roots. It will serve your growing sense of trust well.”
He quotes Ernest Hemingway, who said that “The best way to find out if you can trust anybody is to trust them.” It seems simple, but it's challenging in practice. But so worth the effort.
9. You share a vision for the future
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Sharing a vision for a future together is a key part of marrying the right person. Having common goals is essential for any lasting relationship, otherwise, you detach from each other and drift apart. You also need to share the core values that will carry you forward together.
It’s also important for each half of a couple to hold onto their own hopes and dreams, so they don’t lose their sense of self in the marriage. But this needs to be balanced with the goals of your couplehood and, maybe someday, your children.
You might not picture your future unfolding in exactly the same way, but how you want to live aligns with how they want to live, which happens when your core values systems match. Matching values are, after all, a key component of a happy marriage, according to research.
You’re both willing to consider a wide range of opportunities and you’re open to meeting in the middle when it comes time to make a final decision.
10. They handle your hard moments with grace
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A rare sign you picked the right person to marry is that they can handle your hardest moments with grace. When you're in a bad mood, they don't run away. When you're sad, they hug you or ask what they can do to show support.
That doesn't mean they put up with cruelty or unreasonable behavior. The right person will set and enforce healthy boundaries. But, at their core, they don't need you to be perfect, and you feel exactly the same about them.
Psychotherapist Heather Hans shares that working through these hard moments and revealing your imperfections build relationship strength.
“Relationship problems surface when we become preoccupied with presenting an idealized image of ourselves, so we spend more energy trying to maintain a fantasy of who we want to be than we do bonding with and enjoying our beloved as we are,” she explained. Even if we feel embarrassed or ashamed.
“As uncomfortable as embarrassment can be, exposing those vulnerable aspects of ourselves is what makes us lovable,” she continued. “It shows the other person you are more alike than you are different and lets them know you trust them enough to be authentic in their presence.”
11. You laugh together, even when life is difficult
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You probably married the right person if you can laugh together when life gets hard.
If the two of you are able to find even the smallest silver linings in an otherwise dark time, it shows that your marriage runs on hope and happiness. T
An study reported in the journal Personal Relationships analyzed the correlation between humor and relationship satisfaction, noting that “Playfulness between romantic partners is a crucial component in bonding and establishing relational security.”
“Laughter, particularly shared laughter, is an important indicator of romantic attraction… and is associated with relational quality, closeness, and support in established relationships,” the authors explain. “Private jokes and playfulness create a shared space — a home where risks can be taken, and departures from the mundane are welcomed.”
In less technical terms, laughing together brings couples closer. But if you married the right person, you already know this.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
