11 Signs Someone Cares Less Than They Used To (But Hopes You Won’t Notice)

Relationships are complicated. Whether it’s romantic or platonic, there may be times when someone will start to pull back. Usually, when someone starts to care less than they used to, they hope you won't notice.

This may be because they derive some benefit from maintaining the relationship. They may want to keep you around, but at arm's length. In doing so, they will start to pull back. This person may stop texting back, or suddenly appear too busy to spend time with you. These will likely be small changes, since they do not want you to notice the change in their behavior. No matter how close you once were, when they pull back, you may not be able to tell.

These are 11 signs someone cares less than they used to (but hopes you won’t notice)

1. They’re always busy

Woman who says she’s always busy because she cares less than she used to Ivan S from Pexels via Canva

Have you noticed someone in your life is suddenly busier than they once were? They used to have time to hang out, but now, they have something going on every day. It may be something you notice over time. They hope you won’t be able to tell they are intentionally avoiding you.

People who claim to be ‘crazy busy’ may be trying to avoid emotional connection. It's possible that they cared for you too much, so they needed to step back. Instead of being honest, they still want to keep you around. However, they will slowly distance themselves from you to avoid a genuine connection. It is hurtful, but they will try their best to keep it a secret so you do not notice.

2. They text back less

Woman not getting texts back because a man cares less than he used to Samuel Borges Photography via Canva

When you’re close to someone, you want to talk to them often. Forming an initial bond takes consistent communication. When this person cares the most, they will keep in contact throughout the day. They’ll check in with you often to see how you are doing. Videos or pictures that made them think of you will be sent. These are all signs that someone cares.

Sometimes, things change, but they aren’t ready to give you up entirely. We’ve all heard of ‘ghosting.’ It’s a term that describes the decrease, or complete stop, of conversation. It’s often experienced in romantic relationships when someone’s feelings change. It can also take place in platonic relationships. A lack of communication shows they care less, but they are hoping you will never notice.

3. Conversations feel one-sided

woman whose conversation seems one-sided because she cares less than she used to BLACKDAY via Canva

Instead of responding less or cutting off contact completely, some people will choose to change the way they talk to someone they care less about than they once did. Again, it’s all about control. They want to maintain a relationship when it is convenient for them, but they do not want to put in the same amount of effort they once did. When spoken to, they will seem cold. It will feel like the conversation is entirely one-sided.

They are setting the groundwork for a one-sided relationship. They will allow you to talk, but you may not get anything out of the conversation. They respond with blanket-level statements. There isn’t the same personal connection as there once was. They’re hoping you won't notice this change.

4. They lack interest in what you say

man who isn't interested in what his girlfriend says because he cares less than he used to pixelshot via Canva

If someone is pulling away, they will show less interest in what you have to say. They were once great listeners. You could have productive conversations with them. It felt easy. When they start to care less, they will hope you do not notice the change in their conversation style. Instead of hearing you out and responding thoughtfully, they will try to control every conversation.

They will begin showing signs of a conversational narcissist. Instead of having easy, mutually beneficial conversations, everything becomes about them. They are no longer interested in what you have to say, as they care less about maintaining a relationship. Instead, they want you to listen to them and give support, while trying to hide their true intentions.

5. They are less supportive than they once were

man who is less supportive because he cares less than he used to Monkey Business Images via Canva

People grow apart. It’s part of life. However, it’s harder to accept when they still try to string you along. If someone you once found comfort in appears to be less supportive, it could be a sign that they care less than they once did. You may notice that the conversations you have with them are missing the mark. They show less empathy and have less patience for talking to you.

This is a sign that they care less than they used to, but are putting in minimum effort to keep you around. They may listen to you vent, but they lack the compassionate words they once said in those moments. It can be hard to notice at first, but once you see their true intentions, you’ll be able to tell they care less than they used to.

6. They say they will do things but don't follow through

man whose actions speak louder than his words because he cares less than he used to studioroman via Canva

If someone is pulling away but doesn’t want you to notice, they may start saying things without backing them up. They can pretend to devote all their time to you, but they actually do not show up. Saying what they think you want to hear is easy; backing it up with actions is another story. By following through, they are showing there is truth in their words. This person was likely someone you could once rely on.

Suddenly, you may notice that they are talking a big game without backing it up. You’ll likely make excuses for them, always trying to see the positives in their behavior. This is what they want. They’re hoping you won’t notice, but at a certain point, it’s hard to miss it.

7. They’ve detached emotionally

man who has detached emotionally because he cares less than he used to PixelsEffect from Getty Images Signature via Canva

Human connection is important. A study found that maintaining strong and happy relationships with people empowers our health and wellness. Research shows that the more comfortable we feel with the people in our lives and the more support they provide us, the less likely we are to deal with health problems. When you first form a bond with someone, it may feel like this. You are getting all of your boxes checked. However, their feelings towards you may change.

When someone begins to detach emotionally, they will try to hide it. They see you as someone worth keeping around, but at a distance. You will notice they are less supportive, less patient, and less responsive when discussing important matters. They will try to conceal it, but it becomes obvious.

8. They make you less of a priority

man who has made his wife less of a priority because he cares less than he used to Alex Green from Pexels via Canva

Life takes balance. We are all juggling relationships, careers, tasks, and self-care. Along the way, we may shift what is important to us. One aspect of our lives might need more attention. Our priorities shift often. When someone cares less about you but wants to conceal it, they may blame a shift in their priorities. When in reality, you became less of a priority to them.

We’ve all heard the saying that if they care, they’ll show it. Someone who was once attentive and made you feel special can change their feelings. Whether they do not want to hurt your feelings or are trying to keep you on their side for their personal benefit, where they put you on their list of priorities says a lot about them.

9. They become forgetful

woman who's become forgetful because she cares less than she used to nicoletaionescu from Getty Images via Canva

Picture this: you make plans with someone you care about. They are usually great about upholding their end of the agreement. You always felt cared for with them. However, suddenly they are forgetful. They bail on plans because they forgot about them or double-booked themselves. Whatever the reason is, if someone is becoming more forgetful, it could be a sign that they care less.

Saying they forgot is a great way to cover for their true feelings. Let’s say you asked them to call you after work. When hours pass, and there is no call, they may say they forgot. However, they could be completely ignoring you, but hope you won’t notice.

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10. Their jokes feel serious

man who's jokes feel serious because he cares less than he used to View more by Talal Hakim from Pexels via Canva

There is usually a nugget of truth within a joke. Whether the person admits it or not, they may have bad intentions behind their words. When you are close to someone, the jokes you make are different from the general ones you’ll say around people you do not know well. You have a good rapport with this person. However, their jokes may start to feel a bit too serious. They’ll have a little edge to them, and you may find yourself wondering what the true intention is.

This person could be upset with you, but wants to avoid conflict. Instead, they’ll pass things off as jokes. In reality, they are jabbing you. They may care less about you as their feelings change over time. They’ll hope you won’t notice that they are hiding a bit of truth within their so-called playful words.

11. They leave you feeling confused

woman feeling confused because her man cares less than he used to Karola G from Pexels via Canva

Before, you could confide in this person entirely. Your attachment to them was secure. They were always there for you and made you feel safe. They also respected your boundaries. Everything was perfect. Suddenly, they start sending you mixed signals. You feel confused after every conversation. Their behavior has changed completely. When this happens, it’s a sign that they care less but are hoping you won’t notice.

Positive conversations are a sign of a secure attachment. When you notice things are starting to feel different and you are reading into their true intentions, it is a sign they care less. While they hope you won’t notice, it can be hard to avoid.

Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.