3 Signs It's Definitely Time To Walk Away From A Friendship, Even If You Love Them Like Family
These red flags mean it's healthier to let go, even if the bond feels like family.
Nathan Dumlao | Unsplash Friendships are one of the most important relationships we have. Just like romantic relationships, many friendships can flourish for a lifetime. But not all friendships are meant to last. While some naturally end on their own, others need a firm and forceful break, no matter how close to family a friendship bond might seem.
Here are three signs it's definitely time to walk away from a friendship, even if you love them like family:
1. You've grown apart
Remember the person you were at 15? How about 22? 30? 35? Chances are, you've changed a lot as you've gotten older. Our lives rarely take on parallel tracks to those of even our closest friends. We move away, we switch careers, we marry, we divorce.
An American Psychological Association study of social judgment and decision making argued that human friendship formation is part of a strategic alliance-building function. Yet, everyone's life path makes jagged twists and turns, and your path may turn in an opposite direction from that of your friend until you find yourself with little common ground.
This can take its toll on a friendship, with each of you spending less and less time together until your hangouts become increasingly rare. When it gets to this point, it's best to acknowledge that your friendship has run its course.
2. There's an unfair balance of give and take
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Relationships are rarely a perfect balance of fifty-fifty, and that's especially true in the case of friendships. But if you constantly find yourself in the role of the giver and your friend as the taker, something's got to give.
One of the best aspects of friendships is having a shoulder to cry on when things get rough; someone to vent to about your horrible week. If you're the one frequently being vented to and lending a shoulder while the same isn't being done for you, it's time to have a serious heart-to-heart with your pal.
After you have your talk and the behavior continues, it's time to cool things with this friend. Turn your focus toward nurturing the more balanced friendships you do have.
3. The friendship has become toxic
Toxicity in friendships can express itself in many forms, but it's ultimately an extreme form of imbalance. For example, your friend may be unreliable while placing unfair demands on you and your time. She may frequently dismiss your opinions or belittle you while you encourage and praise her.
Your interactions are centered around your friend rather than both of you, and you find them to be draining rather than companionable and rewarding. A study in Ethics and Education explained, "We may believe the friend to share the same set of values and commitments, but we can be wrong. We may see our friend through the proverbial rose-tinted glasses and fail to spot how the friend actively damages our well-being."
If this behavior is consistent, have a sit-down and discuss your concerns with your friend. Once your concerns have been aired and the behavior continues, it's time to bring this toxic friendship to an end.
Deciding to end any relationship is never an easy one, and friendships are especially tough because they often stand the test of time. But once you close the door on a friendship that no longer works, you've made more room for healthy and rewarding friendships that endure.
Dyan Hill is a Los Angeles-based freelance writer who specializes in love, friendship, and relationship topics.
