The Secret To Carving Out Time For Your Spouse Is Actually Super-Simple

How to connect, even when you're both busy.

Connecting with spouse Oneinchpunch | Canva

Why is it that the most important people in our lives often get the shaft? You know how it goes — after a long day of work, household chores, errands, and other outside commitments, our spouse often receives what’s left of our energy and attention – and it isn’t much. We know this isn’t great for our relationship, and we vow over and over to “do better,” yet there we are once again wasting time on Facebook or being lost in some other tedious task instead of focusing and plugging into connection time with our partner.


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So how do we break this cycle and truly make the people we love a priority? Former Senior VP of YourTango and host Melanie Gorman brought this tricky topic to a panel of our experts: psychotherapist and loving relationship expert Tamara J. Green; therapist and hypnotherapist Leslie Rouder; life coach Lora Lucinda Andersen; and renowned relationship expert and author John Gray, PhD. Their consensus is that, even in the most stressful times, a meaningful connection with your partner is possible if you approach it with intention. “We all have the same amount of time,” says Lora Lucinda Anderson. “If we say our priorities are our family or our loved ones then we need to spend time there and we need to be intentional in spending time there.”


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It turns out, that the secret to successfully carving out time for each other is not relying on just one strategy or approach in every scenario circumstances and relationships change, so keep a toolbox of strategies at the ready so that if one way of connecting isn’t possible, you have plenty of other go-to options. (Tamara J. Green says to never underestimate the power of a hug or quick exchange during an otherwise busy day.)

RELATED: 5 Simple Rituals That Ensure You Stay Fully Connected To Your Spouse


But, the best variety of connection rituals in the world won’t help, until you both make time for each other a real priority and then adhere to that commitment. The good news is your effort to connect has more benefits than you even realize! In addition to keeping your relationship healthy (obviously!), it turns out romance has its benefits, as well. “It’s a huge stimulator of the hormone that lowers stress,” says John Gray.

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Melanie Gorman is the former Senior VP of YourTango Experts. Dr. John Gray is a leading relationship expert whose books, including Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus have sold over 50 million copies in 50 languages in 150 countries. He helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. Leslie Rouder, LCSW, is a holistic therapist who has been working with women in individual and group counseling sessions for more than two decades. Lora Lucinda is a Certified Core Energy Coach, Energy Leadership Master Practitioner, Relationship Expert, and Divorce Support Specialist. Tamara Green, LCSW is licensed in New York State as a Certified Social Worker and a member of the National Asn. of Social Workers since 1991.