The 8 Romantic Habits Wives Notice Immediately, According To A Clinical Psychologist
Dimensions | Canva The most common question I get from avoidant men in couples counseling is “What does my wife mean by ‘romantic’?” Well, here's your answer. Many women beg their husbands to be more romantic. But often, these men are logical and pragmatic, and besides “go out to dinner” and “bring home flowers,” which they know from popular media, they have no idea what “be more romantic” entails.
As a clinical psychologist, here are eight romantic habits wives notice immediately, so if you love your wife and she seems upset that you don’t know how to do these things, it's a good place to start if you want to be more romantic.
Here are the 8 romantic habits wives notice immediately:
1. Starting conversations that are not about the kids
One resource for this is my 100 date night questions. Ask your wife what she thinks about any deeper topic. Ask about her past, including exes, friends, career, and family. Figure out what she thinks about using this and ask about any of these in depth.
2. Holding hands, cuddling, and touching
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If your wife is starved for affectionate touch, just holding hands and choosing to sit next to her versus on your own couch/chair can be very romantic.
3. Bringing her cute little gifts spontaneously
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By spontaneous, I mean every 14–21 days on a different day of the week that you randomly select. Note on your Google calendar.
This can be flowers (not every time), a little snack that she likes, a card, something from Etsy (literally type in ‘cute gift for wife’). If you have a pet name for her, buy a little figurine, stuffed animal, or card that alludes to it. Do stuff you did in high school or that you think is like high school.
4. Going all out with the big gifts for occasions
Use the same budget you would use for your wife to buy herself a gift. While this is common sense, many men don’t do this. Example: Your wife spends $75 at the salon every 6 weeks and buys clothes worth $150 every 8 weeks.
Yet for your gift to her, you somehow give yourself a $50 budget. This is nonsensical, and it only ensures she will be annoyed enough to spend even more so you come out behind, not ahead.
5. Leaving her little notes
Do this every week or even more. It takes two minutes and is a sweet way for her to know you were thinking of her.
6. Telling her why you love her
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Also, why you originally fell for her and what you are looking forward to doing with her in the future. She wants to feel special.
Your job is to point out how and why she is special to you. Say I love you daily, with eye contact, and not just when you leave and come back home.
7. Remembering that your audience is her friends
Whenever you do something romantic, think about whether this would make her friends say, “Aww, what a great guy.” If not, try again.
(If you’re a woman reading this, the equivalent is that when you’re in bed with your husband, do whatever you bet would impress his friends. If both parties keep this fake ‘audience’ in mind, an average marriage would improve by 4.5 billion percent.)
8. Talking her up to your kids and other people
Never undermine her parenting. View hanging out with others as an easy way to be romantic by complimenting her publicly.
Anything from “Mommy looks so pretty today, right?” to your toddler to “Your daughter is a great cook, isn’t she?” to your mother-in-law will make your wife feel loved and cherished.
For an average couple struggling with losing some romance, incorporating some of these gestures may do wonders in transforming your relationship into one with more fun, romance, and connection.
However, if none of these work for you, it is probable that there is a history of long-standing empathic ruptures and resentment that likely needs to be worked on in therapy. A first step, though, is trying your best to be the best partner you can be, which in this case means acknowledging and respecting her desire for romance!
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health.
