4 Reasons You Fall For The Same Type Of Guy Over And Over Again

Stop settling for the men you don't want.

couple embracing PhotoSunnyDays / Shutterstock

Creating a great relationship can be one of the most fun and exhilarating experiences you will ever go through, but getting there is the hard part. A new relationship or love interest can bring up a lot of stuff within us, such as the discomfort of not knowing whether or not the relationship will work out. It's the anticipation of whether or not he is into you, or if you are actually attracted to him.


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The disappointment that comes after the initial excitement phase ensures that the relationship will actually cool off and get boring. The fact that all your sisters, friends, and neighbors are all married and shouting at the kids makes "happily ever after" look like a distant fantasy.

So, of course, you struggle with, "Why do I date the same type of guy that I don't want and never the guy I do want?" There are many obstacles to overcome in order to find "the one," so here are four reasons you are keeping the guy you want at a distance.


4 Reasons You Fall For The Same Type Of Guy Over And Over Again

1. Your belief in love is deflated.

Focusing on all the obstacles and what might happen will absolutely leave you feeling deflated and overwhelmed. All that thinking can leave you exhausted, and thinking love is impossible — going from being asked out, to the first date, from girlfriend to meeting the parents, a life tragedy to marriage. So, in order not to disappoint yourself, you might decide it would be easier to give up or not put yourself wholeheartedly into the mix.

2. You fail to go after what you really want.

When you believe that love is impossible and the mountain is too high, you will fail to go after what you really want. You are afraid that you might actually be happy and that love might work out for you. Out of fear and out of playing it safe, you go out with the man who is into you. If you go out with the man who is into you, there is no risk; you are in control of the outcome.

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If you go after what you want, there is risk involved — the risk of being heartbroken, left alone... or the risk of being happy. The risk is worth it. After all, the benefits far outweigh the risk of settling, so why not go all in?


3. You believe "happily ever after" only applies to others.

"Happily ever after" happens to someone that decides she will never give up, no matter what happens. She is someone that will take the risk and go after what she really wants. The woman who will stand up again and again after rejection, breakups, and pain, and won't settle for the status quo.

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The universe always rewards the persistent and determined among us. It is your life and your choice that creates the outcome. So, get out there, find the resources, seek the education, and make life happen for you. The ball is in your court; believe in love and go make it your reality.

4. Negativity shows up when we are happy.

Our crap shows up when we are happy and the only way to avoid this is to be in a relationship with someone loving, caring and who actually supports you. Feelings of insecurity, jealousy, or avoiding our childhood traumas will show up when we are happy. It is what we do about it that affects the outcome.


Having a relationship we cherish with someone we love can be a walk into the unknown and a whole new experience for us, but it is never one you will regret. Yes, it is scary, but it is worth it. So face your crap and go after the guy you want, not the one you're getting.

You don't attract the guy you want simply because you are afraid of him; you are afraid of what it might require of you.

You are afraid you may have to change in some way to acquire it, and change is scary because it is unknown. But it is also the most rewarding thing you can do for yourself. So take a risk and go after what you want.


Lorna Poole is a dating coach who helps women get results. For more information, visit her website.