4 Easy Ways To Make Your Wife Feel Reassured In Your Marriage

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smiling couple on date

It's been a long day at work, and you can't wait to get home to your wife and kids.

You're wishing you could go back to the weekend because you want to bottle all the fun things you did — you had man-night, you enjoyed time playing with the kids and you even had time to get a babysitter and go out on a date

You come into the house and you're greeted with excitement by your children. After you give each child a big hug, you notice that someone is missing, your wife.

You don't give it much thought because sometimes she didn't always come to the door because she might be getting dinner ready, doing something for work, or working on a project with the kids.

You do sense something is a little off because as you recall during the day that your text conversations were pretty short, which is not normal since it's the best way you communicate during work hours. 

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As the evening goes by, you still haven't received any love. What should you do:

A. Leave it alone, figuring if she was mad about something she would just bring it up.

B. Ask her about it, but be ready with a good defense, just in case she tries to blame you for something.

C. Ask her a few questions about her feelings. If she answers you, then you can talk about it. If not, then you won't.

D. None of the Above

I hope you picked D and I am sure your wife hopes so too. If you did pick A, B, or C, you may be wondering what's the big deal.

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That's how I've handled our conflict in the past and it has worked okay. We're still happily married. Let's step back a little and think about it. By using this mode of operation did you get any closer to understanding the inner workings of your wife? 

I could venture a guess and say NO. 

Women often feel insecure about the relationship and it doesn't take much to trigger an episode that leads to conflict. A recent argument could trigger something that happened years ago.

For years we've heard the mantra Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus — that gives us the license to not engage our spouses to truly our wife's feelings.

We take the opportunity to either withdraw or come up with a defense that only makes things worse. 

The thing is, we as husbands are missing out on a golden opportunity to really learn and understand our wives and reassure them that she is the most person in our life.

According to Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, authors of For Men Only, state from their research that when women acted in a way that seemed random, out of proportion, or completely nonsensical there was a reason for it. 

If we operate from this premise, then there are four possible reasons that could help you crack the code to a better understanding.

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Here are 4 easy ways to make your wife feel reassured in your marriage:

1. Realize that it is your fault

I know we never truly want to admit it (me included), but there are times when we mess up. And when we do get a sense that we have done something wrong, we will make a weak attempt to find out.

If our wife doesn't take the time to tell us, we will leave it alone. This is where you can reassure her she is important to you by gently pursuing the truth. She may provide a deeper answer than you even realize.

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2. It may not even be you at all, but her

As men, we never get the chance to get into the deep crevices of our wife's thoughts and insecurities. Why? Because as soon as we hear, "I'm mad at you, husband, because..." we instinctively provide our defense and excuses.

Our wives' know this, so they have learned to know even go there. They may turn to a girlfriend or a trusted advisor for support, but that's not who they want to talk to. 

In order for you to get to the answer, you'll have to take it on the chin a little. Acknowledge what you know to be true that you have done something wrong and you want to understand what it is. This will help you get to the root of the issue.

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3. It may not be your fault, but her current situation

Your wife may be the most upbeat, energetic person you know. Even she has her bad days.

When you come home after a horrible day at work, what are you looking for from your wife?

You're looking for a kiss, a hug, and words of encouragement that everything is going to be okay. Your wife is looking for the same thing. She wants reassurance that everything will be okay.

4. It may not be your fault, but she may be hormonal

There may be a rare occasion that your wife gets mad at you, and you have done nothing wrong. It still won't hurt to ask questions to find out. In the end, if you take the time to find out, your wife will appreciate you for caring enough to understand how she thinks.

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Keith Dent is a writer, blogger, and certified empowerment coach. He is the author of In the Paint: How to Win at the Game of Love.