The One Personality Trait Men Find Most Irresistible (According To 5 Real Men)

What men really want in a woman.

Last updated on Sep 21, 2023

Confident and independent woman diplo_game | Canva

By Nicole Yi

Looks can hook a guy, but what is it that keeps them wanting more?

After discussing the topic with some guy friends, my boyfriend, and even my parents, I noticed a particular trait that was consistent across conversations. It was agreed that the most attractive personality trait in a woman by far is independence. 

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Here is the one personality trait men find most irresistible, according to 4 real men:

Independent women are assertive, self-assured, and play by their own rules.

They don't need anybody else but themselves to validate who they are. So when it comes to relationships, they're low maintenance as partners because they're busy running their own lives. They know when and what to give without being overbearing and have enough confidence to thrive on their own. Read on to see what some of them said.

"It shows that they don't need me." — Jacob (27)

"Independence is attractive because it means they have their own thoughts and interests outside of me — creates a much deeper and interesting person." — Sam (26)


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"To be independent, you have to have a lot of other good qualities. Like you've gotta have some sort of level-headedness, intellect, and confidence." — Marcus (27)

"Because you're creating your own path for others to follow." — Sunny (49) 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the biggest turnoff they said was neediness. It's a deal-breaker if she doesn't know how to be without her boyfriend. This can be in the form of expecting constant communication, not wanting to hang out with her own friends, or showing irritation when her significant other is unavailable.

If you want to have a healthy relationship, you need to learn how to be alone first. That way, you know how to appreciate your own company, and when a relationship doesn't work out, you know that you're going to be okay because at least you'll always have yourself.


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If this sounds like you, cut it out. You have to know how to be secure with yourself and in return, you won't need a man to make you feel complete. Whoever recognizes this about you will appreciate you as a partner even more.

But there's a difference between being self-reliant and playing hard to get. It's only a matter of time before that becomes old, and the chase is no longer fun or going anywhere. Independence is a characteristic, not a game. Men appreciate this quality in a potential partner because it proves you'll be a good teammate who can pull your own weight.


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Nicole Yi is a former associate editor at PopSugar. She oversees, writes, and plans all copy and content across channels for her company, an exciting e-commerce brand called Verishop.