There’s One Feeling That Separates Good-Enough Relationships From Great Ones, According To Study
Is this the secret to being happy in all of your relationships?
GaudiLab | Shutterstock There are many factors that contribute to a good relationship. Compatibility, communication, and shared values are some of the more notable ones, but these are far from the only things that make up a successful and happy relationship. A study actually found that feeling like your partner truly knows who you are is much better than grand gestures or constant passion.
A study found that when you feel like your partner truly knows who you are, you've reached great relationship status.
The authors of the study, Juliana Schroeder and Ayelet Fishbach, explained that both feeling known and knowing your partner are highly indicative of relationship satisfaction. They said that these are forms of subjective relationship knowledge, and each has been proven to positively impact relationships. However, their goal was to discover which one is more important for relationship well-being.
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Previous research concluded that we often believe that we know our partners better than they know us, a phenomenon called "the illusion of asymmetric insight." This simply means that we think our perceptions about others are more accurate than the perceptions others have of us.
This new study, however, found that relationship satisfaction may be better predicted by feeling like our partners know us, rather than feeling like we know them.
People have a strong desire to be known by their partners.
The researchers conducted seven studies with over 2,000 participants to determine whether feeling known by others (including romantic partners, friends, and family) or feeling like we know others was a better predictor of relationship satisfaction.
Participants were asked if they felt like these people knew their opinions, moods, life goals, preferences, and thoughts, as well as how satisfied they were with these relationships. When asked which they thought would more strongly influence relationship satisfaction, more participants said knowing their partner.
The results actually showed that people were far more satisfied with relationships where they felt their significant other knew them well. Across all studies, regardless of the type of relationship, satisfaction was higher with those who felt known. If you're lucky enough to have experienced a relationship where you felt understood and seen, you know that being your truly silliest self feels freeing and beautiful.
But it's not just that your significant other finds your made-up songs cute and quirky, it's that deep-down feeling that they understand why you act the way you do. That you can give them just a look and they know you need to go home and decompress, or that you are feeling vulnerable.
Though feeling known is only one factor in relationship satisfaction, it's clearly an important one.
Schroeder told PsyPost, "I was pretty surprised by how consistently we observed that feeling known was a bigger predictor of satisfaction than (the feeling of) knowing. We found this result in almost every relationship we tested."
Schroeder and Fishbach speculate that a possible reason for these results is that feeling known in a relationship is relative to feeling supported. Believing that others know us and see us helps us to form strong emotional and psychological connections.
Though the results are clear, the authors acknowledged that there may be a difference between feeling known and how well others actually know us. There may be a benefit to further studying our understanding of relationship satisfaction.
Perhaps this is why that getting to know you stage of a relationship is so incredibly satisfying and why the emotions during this time seem so intense. It's not just being known, it's knowing that the other person wants to know you.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
