Men Who Pull Away When Things Get Serious Usually Share These 11 Traits
ArtOfPhotos / Shutterstock A fear of commitment is far from uncommon. Men are prone to suffering from this. Even if they are happy with the person they’re with, they may pull away when things get serious.
While it’s not uncommon to fear commitment, it’s an important aspect of every romantic relationship. When a relationship becomes serious, growth can slow if one partner pulls away. No matter how much a man cares about the woman in his life, if he is not willing to give his all to the relationship, it may be doomed from the start. A man like this might have certain personality traits that make settling down feel impossible.
Men who pull away when things get serious usually share these 11 traits
1. They are independent
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If someone pulls away when things get serious, he may be focused on his own independence. An independent person may fear welcoming someone else into their life. They don’t want their everyday routine to change. Instead, they want to live their own lives, not with another person in mind. It can be complicated for them to balance their desire for partnership with the need to maintain their own independence.
To keep a partner at arm's length, they may practice a push-and-pull relationship. They give them attention when they want to, but push them away when things get serious. They’ll pull them in again when they want something, and the cycle will continue. When a man wants to maintain his independence, he may do this to keep his partner around, but not too close.
2. They are self-conscious
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Someone who pulls away when things get serious in a relationship may be dealing with something deep. Inside, they may feel they are not good enough for the person they are with. Instead of allowing themselves to grow close to them, they will pull away because they fear being hurt. They lack the confidence they need to feel good about their situation. This person may have been hurt in the past, and no longer thinks he is enough for a partner.
Often, this type of man feels inadequate. However, he may struggle with sharing his feelings. Instead of having an open conversation about his feelings, his self-conscious trait will take over. He may distance himself as a form of protection.
3. They won't allow themselves to be vulnerable
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A committed relationship takes vulnerability. If someone isn’t comfortable sharing their feelings with their partner, they can pull away when things get serious. They may not feel comfortable being their true selves around this person. Or they can struggle with putting their feelings into words. Instead, they may find themselves in constant arguments because they are not naturally open.
Lack of vulnerability in a relationship can lead to arguments and misunderstandings. A man may seem completely closed off. Instead of forming a close bond, things may feel difficult and never progress to their full potential.
4. They are ambitious
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A surprising reason a man may pull away when things get serious is that he is ambitious. For a man like this, he may care more about making achievements than settling down with someone. This could mean a deep focus on climbing the corporate ladder or on working hard to achieve personal goals. It can feel like a serious relationship gets in the way of his goals. He may feel he can’t focus on both his ambitions and his partner.
Men like this may not feel they are ready to settle down until they have checked every box on their to-do list. They may constantly push their partner away, promising more commitment when they get that promotion or reach that goal. He may also feel turned off when he thinks his partner is less driven than he is.
5. They are inconsistent
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Sometimes, a man may pull away from a relationship because he does not know what he wants. When someone is naturally inconsistent, they can feel one way and suddenly jump to a different judgment the next day. It’s frustrating to be in a relationship with someone like this. He is never sure what he wants. If he changes his mind, he will pull away and maybe try to wiggle his way back in the next.
An inconsistent man may be avoidant. They don’t know what they want, so they keep themselves at a distance.
6. They are emotional
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When you imagine a man who is pulling away from a serious relationship, you may not expect the reason to be tied to his emotions. Some men are naturally emotional but struggle to regulate their feelings. When things start to feel serious, he may feel a deep connection to you. Out of fear, he can pull away. He isn’t sure how to process his emotions towards you. They can be so overwhelming.
Overly emotional men may avoid serious relationships to protect themselves. They are afraid of what may happen when they show their true self to a woman.
7. They are self-reliant
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Society teaches men from a young age that they need to be stoic. They must take care of themselves. They should do so without showing much emotion. This pressure can make men turn away from others. They may be fearful of putting their trust in another person after relying only on themselves.
This type of person is fearful of depending on others. It can appear easier to stay away from others than to get too close. They are looking out for themselves, even when it gets in the way of a loving relationship. They may have been hurt in the past and choose to keep their guard up to protect themselves.
8. They are sensitive
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Some men are especially sensitive. They can view this trait as a sign of weakness. Sometimes, they can be embarrassed by this personality trait. What they may not understand is that many women are looking for kind, compassionate men. Instead of being themselves, they may push away when things get serious. He may be afraid of getting judged for his feelings.
“The concept of masculinity itself can be a mask worn to suppress any traits that do not appear stereotypically powerful,” says Amelia Kelley, Ph.D. “For example, being confident is often found on lists describing masculinity, while being expressive normally is not. This form of bias about what it means to be masculine can further ostracize highly sensitive men, making them feel 'other' than the rest of their peers.”
9. They are irritable
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I have struggled with irritability most of my life. It’s not my proudest trait, that’s for sure. Sometimes, these overwhelming feelings boil over into my relationship. I can be snappy and rude, which hurts my partner. It’s not something I’m proud of. When someone struggles with irritability, they may push their partner away. It could be that they get on their nerves too much, or that they do not have the capacity to manage their day-to-day life.
When one partner is chronically irritable, it can lead to arguments. If a relationship, no matter how serious, has constant misunderstandings and conflict, a man may pull away. He is too irritable to deal with another annoyance.
10. They are unavailable
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We have all met an emotionally unavailable person. No matter how hard we try to crack their code, they push us away. Being in a relationship with an unavailable man can be frustrating. At times, they are showing they care about you. On the other hand, they are giving you the cold shoulder.
An unavailable man may pull you in with the intensity of the relationship. At first, he may be willing to give you anything you want to keep you around. However, if he starts to develop deep feelings, he may take a step back. He’ll pull away because he is not looking for anything serious.
11. They are fearful
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Believe it or not, some men are fearful of giving themselves completely to things. It could be his career, but oftentimes it is his relationships. It can be scary to give your all to someone and not have it reciprocated. When a man feels he may be getting too close to his partner, he could pull away out of fear. A naturally fearful person may be distrustful. They do not want to invest time in something that can end badly.
“Fear of intimacy, sometimes referred to as intimacy avoidance or avoidance anxiety, is characterized as the fear of sharing a close emotional or physical relationship,” says Lisa Fritscher. “People who experience this fear don't usually wish to avoid intimacy, and may even long for closeness, but frequently push others away or even sabotage relationships nonetheless.”
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
