Men Who Say They Don't Need Anyone Usually Experienced These 11 Things As Kids
GaudiLab / Shutterstock As we grow up, we often don't understand the implications of how we are being raised. I know when I was a kid, I wasn’t thinking about how my upbringing was going to impact my future. Most of us have well-meaning parents, but the choices they make affect us and can shape our future.
For men, the strain of their childhood can take different forms. Since they are taught at an early age to bottle their emotions, it isn’t easy for them to verbalize what they’ve been through. Masculinity has required stoic, emotionless reactions. When a man has endured childhood trouble, he may try to push people away. Instead of opening up about his emotions, he may try to say he doesn’t need anyone. The truth is, he needs support more than he knows.
Men who say they don't need anyone usually experienced these 11 things as kids
1. Emotional pain
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When someone experiences emotional pain at a young age, it can be traumatizing. Although most adults try to keep kids safe, sadly, moments of emotional pain are not uncommon in children. The circumstances may vary, but one thing is certain: it may impact their life into adulthood. Some children will develop reactions to their pain that follow them for the rest of their lives. These painful experiences can cause them to lack trust into adulthood.
If a man often says he doesn’t need anyone, he may have experienced deep emotional pain as a child. It can cause him to push away people before they get too close. This means they may struggle to open up to others or avoid relationships altogether.
2. Having to grow up too fast
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When someone grows up too fast, they have to mature beyond their years. Whether they were helping parent a younger sibling or taking on tasks their parents couldn’t handle, losing out on childhood can have devastating repercussions. These individuals may have grown up in homes that are neglectful or unstable. It can make trusting people difficult. They may have felt hurt by the people in their lives who were supposed to look out for them.
Someone who had to grow up too fast may believe they always have to act strong. They can struggle with regulating their emotions. Instead, they may push others away to keep from having to discuss their pain.
3. Unreliable parents
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Living with unreliable parents can be difficult. Sometimes, they showered you with love and affection. Other times, they would forget to pick you up at school or lose their temper seemingly out of nowhere. Growing up in a home where it felt like they were constantly walking on eggshells can make a man struggle with future relationships. It’s hard to trust people when your earliest example was unreliable.
“Unlike parents with consistently harmful behaviors, these parents are, confusingly, intermittently capable of genuine warmth and affection. This makes their unpredictable descents into emotional turmoil even more perplexing and damaging. One moment, they might be your confidante, your safe harbor; the next, they could be the most destructive storm in your life. And just like dealing with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, you never know which you will get next,” says Imi Lo, MA.
4. Lack of affection
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Children rely on their parents for everything. When they need love and care, those are the people they turn to. When someone grows up with parents who give them little to no attention, it leaves a lasting impression. It can make them uncomfortable with showing love into adulthood. A lack of love can lead to an unstable sense of self.
Sometimes, the attention they received was negative. As a result, they can grow up uncomfortable with affection. They may convince themselves they do not need anyone because they are not used to receiving affection.
5. Punishment for sharing emotions
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To maintain a healthy relationship, you need to be vulnerable. It’s not always easy to let your guard down for the person you love. It can be scary, especially if you grew up with parents who punished you for showing emotions. Whether they were frustrated by his struggles or told him that boys do not cry, these feelings can impact them for a lifetime. A man raised in a home like this may choose to keep to himself out of fear of being shunned for his feelings.
It’s easier for some to be alone than to share emotions. Being vulnerable can feel impossible when growing up in a house that shamed you for sharing your feelings.
6. Lack of reassurance
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Whether we want to admit it or not, we all need reassurance. This can be especially valuable when it comes from our parents. If you grew up with caregivers who provided constant reassurance, you likely became a more self-assured person. A man who was made to feel poorly about himself had the opposite experience. Whether he shows it or not, he may have issues with his self-esteem.
When a man doesn’t think he is good enough, he may pull away from others. Instead of allowing himself to form important bonds, he may feel self-conscious and unworthy of love. He may form anxious bonds instead of stable ones.
7. Constant criticism
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If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who constantly criticized you, you likely know how it impacts your self-esteem. Children who grow up in unstable households filled with criticism can become dissatisfied with themselves. When someone, especially parents, critiques your every move, it can feel overwhelming. It doesn’t change behavior, psychologists have found. Criticism devalues us, which makes us shut down.
Having your personality critiqued is never easy. It makes us feel blamed, and instead, we do not want to engage in the conversation. This can make a man wary of having relationships. He may feel poorly about himself and be afraid of being further criticized.
8. Unmet needs
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Many people go through hardships growing up. Sadly, it’s not uncommon to endure financial struggles. Sometimes, parents cannot meet every need for their child. Whether it’s not providing enough food or ignoring their emotional needs, this uncertainty can complicate future relationships. It can be hard to trust that their needs will get met, and instead, they may choose to stay alone. They may believe they have better control over their circumstances when they are the only one contributing to them.
Unmet needs in childhood can bring trauma into adult life. After a difficult childhood, people may think they’ll never be happy again. They’re used to not having their needs met and will try to take care of themselves without others around who could let them down.
9. Inconsistent attention
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It’s no surprise that children need constant attention. They rely on their parents to provide for their every need. Whether it’s physical or emotional, children depend on their caregivers for everything. A lack of consistent attention can impact how a man interacts with others for the rest of his life. He may be constantly seeking the attention he never got as a child, or isolate himself from others to avoid feeling unwanted.
Men who do not receive enough attention from their parents may convince themselves that they do not need it from anyone. Instead, they will keep to themselves. It can prevent them from ever entering a healthy relationship.
10. Betrayal
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At some point in our lives, our parents will let us down. It could be something small, like missing that childhood dance recital, or something more serious. If a man grew up in a home that was filled with betrayal, it can be hard to move forward. He may choose to stay alone. They don’t feel they need anyone because the people closest to them let them down when they were children.
“If your parent fails to protect you, this betrayal can so deeply contradict what you expect that you end up blocking it to maintain the attachment. Blinding yourself to the betrayal and your fear of future betrayals helps you survive in a relationship you believe you can’t escape,” says Crystal Raypole for Healthline. “Your ability to 'forget' becomes a coping mechanism. Yet, while dissociation might help you cope with the trauma, it can also affect your memory and sense of self.”
11. Forced early independence
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A study found that when someone is forced to grow up too soon in childhood and adolescence, they report feeling older in adulthood. Forced independence can come from unstable household environments. A child may have had to grow up quickly to care for themselves. Sometimes, these children are responsible for feeding themselves and getting to school on time. It can harm their relationships in the future.
Being too independent can lead a man to believe he doesn’t need anyone. He’s been used to taking care of himself for so long. He may be afraid to rely on others. It might seem easier for him to continue to live an independent life.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
