3 Less-Obvious Reasons Men Disappear Before A Second Date

He was never that serious about you.

man talking to woman on dinner date MDV Edwards / Shutterstock

Many of my clients have shared his situation with me: They had a great first date with a great guy, but then they later wondered where he went.

If something like this has happened to you, you're not alone. It's an epidemic. You were having such a great time, he was laughing, and maybe there was even a kiss at the end of the night and now it's two weeks later and you haven't heard a peep from him.

In an attempt to solve the mystery of disappearing men, here are some possible reasons why men disappear before the second date.


RELATED: The 6 Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Going On A First Date

Here are the 3 less obvious reasons men disappear before a second date:

1. First dates are easy for men

Lots of adrenaline and anticipation without a lot of reality to put a damper on it. In other words, novelty and newness are easy to enjoy.

The first time we do anything is exciting. Some men get stuck on novelty and are unable to build anything long-term with a woman. It's why a lot of men are so emotionally unavailable nowadays, they don't know how to be in a committed relationship, and would rather have something new with someone else.




RELATED: 6 Subtle Signs He's About To Ghost You

2. Second dates are difficult for men

After a first date, men tend to think things through — I mean all the way through. For example, on a first date driving an hour to see you is no problem. A second date means it will be a way of life. In other words...reality sets in.

When a man first meets you, reality isn't even in the equation. Men rarely think things through until they realize it's going to take a lot of effort to be with you.


RELATED: 10 Things A Good Man Will Never Do In A Relationship With Someone He Truly Loves

3. Commitment takes reality

A man has to want and be ready for a relationship, financially and emotionally. Then he has to be smitten (in that order).



Many men get smitten easily. However, the reality is hard on them when they know they're not ready and they sense that you are.


Men don't make second dates when they don't think they can be successful at achieving their goal, whether it's being intimate with you right away or building an actual relationship.

This is good news because the man you want will have momentum and a plan, so you'll breeze through a second date on the way to the third.

He will have the essential qualities of a man who can have a relationship; he can make and keep agreements. This means he won't disappear because reality is not a problem; it's a gift he welcomes.


RELATED: 3 Ways To Know For Sure He's The Right Guy For You

James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of A Life of Love and Dating Advice for Alpha Women.