If Your Partner Is The Wrong Person For You, These 11 Things Will Always Feel Off
The wrong partner will leave you wondering where the two of you stand.
Bricolage / Shutterstock Being with the wrong person can teach you valuable lessons about yourself, including what you are willing to tolerate in a relationship. The wrong partners will push unnecessarily at your boundaries, try to get you to change your standards, and then claim that you are not the same person that they once fell in love with. This type of confusion can leave you disoriented and desperate for their validation.
The right partner would never try to change who you are or what you stand for. You can be yourself around them, and communication would be concise. People who often choose the wrong one will feel like something is off in the relationship because your spirit is at odds with theirs. There are hints to know if you are with the wrong person. You just have to feel it.
If your partner is the wrong person for you, these 11 things will always feel off
1. You can't be yourself around them
Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock
One of the most obvious signs that two people are not meant to be together is when one of them feels like they can't be themselves around the other person. When we get into this state, we feel like curated versions of ourselves that have to be on our best behavior so that we don't scare the other person away. However, this is a fallacy, and the more we worry about messing things up, the quicker we will make it a reality.
Being upfront about who you are will be your greatest asset in letting you know whether someone is right or wrong for you. The right one will love everything about you, flaws and all. This is what makes people feel safe, and the safer they feel, the more likely they are to express their authentic selves. Having a partner who allows you the room to be yourself will prolong the relationship because it is an attractive and safe quality.
2. You feel more lonely with them than alone
MAD_Production | Shutterstock
When you're with the wrong person, things like romance and intimacy can feel more like a chore than something fun to do with your partner. The lunch dates begin to feel like a bad routine, and the more you space out, the more you realize that you would rather be somewhere else with someone else. Feeling like you are alone when you're not alone can be eye-opening for people who struggle with this in relationships.
They start to wonder why they're in a relationship if they're always so alone. Loneliness is strongly linked to lower romantic satisfaction, commitment, trust, and increased conflict. The constant bickering and separation take their toll because, in all actuality, the two of you are not meant to be together.
3. You have constant miscommunications
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Constant miscommunication between the two of you shows outsiders two distinct things. The first issue is that the two of you struggle with communication, and the second is that you're not making an effort to understand each other. Each couple has its own communication style that may not make sense to everyone else, but it keeps them together.
The wrong person for you is always looking for an argument, while the right one will try to evade them. This doesn't mean that the two of you will never fight but at least when you do they immediately try to come to some sort of compromise. Communication and comprehension are both needed to make a relationship successful.
4. Your needs are regularly ignored
F01 PHOTO | Shutterstock
In a romantic relationship, two foundational psychological needs must be met, which are autonomy and relatedness. Autonomy allows one partner to feel free, while relatedness makes them feel connected and cared for. When one partner ignores these needs either by trying to control you or make you feel rejected, then it will lead to more conflict and lower satisfaction in the relationship.
If you are a person who knows that they require a lot of affection within a relationship, then that should be one of your dealbreakers. Many are quick to believe that their partners are behaving differently all of a sudden, but never take the time to reflect on past experiences that hinted at the person's personality. While some learn this lesson, others don't and continue to be with people who are simply wrong for them.
5. You're not growing together
NDAB Creativity | Shutterstock
It can be easy to lose yourself in a relationship. The things that you once believed often merge with their beliefs, which could cost you friends or family who oppose those views. This is why many will advise you to have your own life outside of your partner, but the truth is that this will only make the two of you drift apart.
While individual self-expansion boosts passion temporarily, chronic growth without shared experiences erodes intimacy and sexual passion over time. While you can grow apart, growing together is the goal of a long-lasting relationship. The wrong person would try to isolate or even ignore your lifestyle, while the right one will want to be a part of it.
6. Conflict resolution feels one-sided
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock
All relationships have some power imbalances where one person is constantly investing more emotionally or financially into it. The secret to a successful relationship is to balance this energy out to avoid resentment. Still, for certain couples, the conflict resolution can feel one-sided a majority of the time. When one partner is more dominating than the other, it can be hard to please them without taking all of the blame for something that you didn't do.
If you are constantly the one in the relationship keeping the peace, it might be a sign that your partner isn't the right one for you. You have to start asking yourself if your significant other is right or if they are just being difficult. If they never attempt to apologize for their misconduct but expect you to, then you have your answer as to whether or not you guys are a good fit for each other.
7. Your core values clash
ALPA PROD | Shutterstock
There are some core values that couples share with one another, and sometimes those values clash in the relationship. You might be extremely organized and productive while your partner is not. While being different from each other isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can become frustrating when one partner doesn't carry their own weight of the emotional or physical responsibilities.
Healthy relationships require a balance. The right person for you will try to compromise your values, no matter the situation. They take the values that were instilled in you and appreciate them rather than consistently complain about them.
8. You keep trying to fix the relationship
fizkes | Shutterstock
Many people don't want to admit that a relationship is failing because they feel like it's a failure on their part, but attempting to fix a relationship that is consistently in conflict may not be the best alternative to your situation. It's easier to just admit that you are getting nowhere with the person you're with. Their lack of emotional involvement and pushback to any of your attempts to solve it should be confirmation that they don't want things fixed.
Yet, some people will stay in a relationship that is not working for them because they hope that it will improve over time. This optimism can prevent them from recognizing the persistent issues and taking necessary actions. It's okay to step away from someone and allow time to do its thing. The two of you growing apart might be the solution that you are looking for.
9. The relationship drains your energy
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
When your partner is draining your energy, you will feel like something is off. It's as if there is a constant cloud of sadness over you whenever you are around them. The anxiousness that you are feeling means that you don't feel safe with them. You're supposed to feel happy and safe in your partner's presence, not sad or melancholy.
Yet, something is fundamentally wrong when they unload all of their trauma onto you, but when it is time for them to reciprocate, they are nowhere to be found. This inconsistent effort can make every interaction with them exhausting. As time goes on, the emotional strain can chip away at your self-esteem, making you less confident and feeling like you are never going to be enough for them.
10. You don't trust them fully
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock
If you can't trust your partner, it's a clear sign they are not right for you. A lack of trust is often linked to emotional instability, conflict, and intentions to break up within a relationship. Things like snooping on their cellphones when they are not looking can add even more instability to the relationship.
Even in moments that are meant to be comforting, you might sense a distance or unseen tension. This is your intuition trying to warn you that something is off about this person's presence or behavior. It's our natural instincts kicking in and sensing danger even though we might not know what that is yet.
11. You fantasize about a life without them
BongkarnGraphic | Shutterstock
Fantasizing about life without your partner is not normal unless there are serious problems within the relationship. When you're with the wrong person, your mind drifts to a version of life that feels freer and more aligned with who you really are. These daydreams aren't just about needing space, but they are hints that you are missing something that this relationship is not giving you.
Some people will remain in an unhealthy relationship to see if it improves with time, while others will stay because of a fear of being single. Those with a stronger fear of being single are more likely to stay and settle. Staying with the wrong person because they fit your aesthetic or you benefit from having them around will have your life feeling empty and hollow.
Sylvia Ojeda is a screenplay writer and journalist who covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest stories.
