If A Man Uses These 11 Phrases, He's Probably A Nightmare To Be Married To
A man who says these things to his wife is not for the faint of heart.
Kiselev Andrey Valerevich / Shutterstock When a man commonly uses certain phrases in his relationship, there is a chance that he is emotionally and psychologically hurting his partner. Constantly causing his wife to question her self-worth and feel emotionally drained makes him a nightmare to be married to.
To truly begin working on the relationship and no longer making it a nightmare for one partner, the man would need to first realize that what he says has a deeper impact on his spouse and the relationship than he may think. He would then need to work on ensuring his partner’s feelings are validated and providing them with a safe space to be open and honest about their emotions and concerns.
If a man uses these 11 phrases, he's probably a nightmare to be married to
1. 'You're overreacting'
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When a man constantly tells the person he is married to that they are overreacting, he is most likely a nightmare to be married to. Not only does this emotionally invalidate their partner, but it also damages their partner’s self-esteem. It creates an environment where their partner won’t feel safe and comfortable expressing how certain situations make them truly feel.
“At its core, invalidation makes a person feel as though their emotions and perspectives do not matter. When a person consistently experiences this in a relationship, they may question their own reality, leading to self-doubt, emotional withdrawal, and psychological distress,” explains Moshe Ratson, a psychotherapist and executive coach in New York City.
2. 'I wish you were more like [someone else]'
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A man is most likely a nightmare to be married to if he constantly tells his partner that he wishes they were more like someone else. Saying something like this causes damage to their partner’s emotional well-being and shows an extreme lack of respect and appreciation. This behavior can become invalidating because it leaves their spouse feeling misunderstood.
“When you invalidate someone, you basically make them feel like you a) don’t understand them or their feelings or b) if you do understand, you don’t care. The impact of this original invalidation will then generally make your partner swing one of two ways, towards either hostility or withdrawal and emotional shut down,” according to Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, a licensed psychologist specializing in marriage and family therapy who also founded Growing Self Counseling & Coaching.
3. 'I don't have time for this right now'
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When a man never seems to have time for the important things with their spouse, he becomes a nightmare to be married to. This kind of behavior not only leaves their spouse feeling overlooked and neglected, but it also creates a withdrawn and emotionally lacking relationship.
“Communication is key in all aspects of life, including relationships. Lack of communication, on a personal level, can often be a route catalyst for the erosion of a relationship,” according to Orlando Thrive Therapy, a company made up of licensed professionals who provide various types of therapy to individuals.
Having open communication and being willing to talk about even the hard things with their spouse is the only way the relationship can truly begin to grow and solve issues like this one.
4. 'That's your problem, not mine'
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If a man is constantly telling his partner that certain problems are theirs alone and not his responsibility to help change or work on, he is slowly but surely becoming a nightmare to be married to. When one partner in a relationship wants to avoid having to take on the teamwork side of a relationship and hold themselves accountable, it negatively affects the other partner’s self-worth and creates a toxic dynamic.
When the man makes his spouse feel like anytime they have any concerns regarding the relationship or his behavior, that he never takes accountability, this can turn into an unhealthy defense mechanism called blame shifting, which can be very bad for the relationship.
Lindsey Ferris, a marriage and family therapist, explains that blame shifting happens when the spouse receiving the concern or complaint directs it back at the spouse bringing the topic up to remove the focus from themselves and avoid taking accountability.
5. 'We've been through this already'
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When a man dismisses his partner bringing up certain concerns by saying that they have already been through it, chances are, he is a nightmare to be married to. This kind of behavior can cause deeper issues that are not just related to communication.
It can be emotionally invalidating for their spouse and can be a serious form of contempt that the man uses to maintain control in the relationship. A relationship becomes stagnant and contains an overwhelming amount of unresolved conflicts when topics that one partner deems as an issue are overlooked and not taken seriously by the other partner.
6. 'I don't care what you think'
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A man constantly dismissing his partner’s thoughts and feelings and telling them that he really doesn’t care about what they think is a nightmare to be married to. Not only is this behavior invalidating, but it also makes the relationship one-sided and less supportive.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby would identify this behavior as being a belligerent invalidator because one partner refuses to stop making their own case for certain topics or issues and listen to the perspective of their partner. In order to find any true compromise when dealing with an issue like this, the man would need to be more considerate of his partner’s feelings and emotions so that they each feel like the relationship is a safe place to contribute their feelings and ideas.
7. 'I'm not the one with the issue, you are'
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When a man constantly tells his partner that they are the one with the issue, not him, he is most likely a nightmare to be married to. His refusal to take responsibility for himself and the creation of an unequal dynamic will hurt the overall well-being of his partner and the relationship.
“Someone who is never wrong struggles to be vulnerable enough to accept their own painful emotions, so projection may be necessary,” explains Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz, a licensed clinical social worker.
If a man is feeling emotions that he feels too overwhelmed with to talk about, he will project these feelings onto his partner by making it seem like his partner is the only one who can be at fault for certain issues.
8. 'I can't believe you're still mad about that'
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If a man doesn’t want to hear about the feelings of his partner and shuts down potential conflict by saying he can’t believe that they are still mad about something, he is a nightmare to be married to. Not only is this a sign of disrespectful communication, but it is also a form of defensiveness and shows a lack of empathy.
This behavior is a form of stonewalling, which Cleveland Clinic defines as a “way of intentionally or unintentionally, verbally or nonverbally withdrawing from a conflict,” and it causes a man’s partner to feel like their emotions are invalid and can cause them to feel isolated. Instead of being able to openly express how certain things made them feel, they feel like they have to stay quiet because the man won’t welcome emotional conversation.
9. 'If you loved me, you'd understand'
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When a man weaponizes love and manipulatively tries to achieve what he wants by telling his spouse that if they loved him, they’d understand, he is likely a nightmare to be married to. This emotionally manipulative behavior leaves their partner emotionally drained and feeling disconnected from what they truly need in a marriage.
“If someone consistently makes you feel emotionally drained, anxious, fearful, or doubtful of your own needs, thoughts, and feelings, you may be dealing with emotional manipulation,” according to Sheri Stritof, a marriage consultant. A relationship shouldn’t feel this way, so if it is, the man’s partner should consider doing what is best for them.
10. 'You're just being dramatic'
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When a man dismisses his partner’s feelings by saying that they are just being dramatic, he can become a nightmare to be married to. The emotional disconnection this behavior causes can diminish their partner’s self-worth and create an unsafe environment.
“Each instance of dismissal can chip away at their sense of self-worth, leaving them questioning the validity of their emotions and their place within the partnership. Over time, these repeated dismissals can erode their self-esteem and confidence in expressing their feelings authentically,” explains South Tampa Therapy, a company offering couples and marriage counseling in Florida. The unsafe environment also leads a man’s partner to struggle with trust and start to withhold how they truly feel.
11. 'I'm not asking for much, just do what I want'
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When a man tries to manipulate his partner into doing something he wants by saying he is not asking for much, he can quickly become a nightmare to be married to. This pressure can cause his partner to do things that they may not feel comfortable with doing, and if this is the case, then the relationship is not healthy.
This behavior in a relationship can cause the man’s partner to start to lose their sense of identity and no longer have a deep understanding of what their actual needs and wants are.
Experiencing any of this behavior in a relationship can have serious and negative impacts on a person’s overall well-being. If someone’s relationship consists of these things, they should consider reevaluating what their needs and wants are and identify whether or not staying in their marriage is best for them.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
