Husbands Who Feel Like They’re Failing At Life Always Do These 11 Things At Home
A husband's at-home behaviors may be the result of deeper, personal struggles he is facing.
Bricolage / Shutterstock A husband who feels like he is failing at life may do certain things at home due to his shame and dissatisfaction. These are often attempts to cope with the overwhelming emotions they are feeling.
They might engage in activities that help them to avoid what they are dealing with in their personal life, or they may treat their spouse and other loved ones in ways that they usually would not. If his spouse is concerned and wants better for him and their relationship, they should approach his behaviors at home with understanding and grace.
Husbands who feel like they’re failing at life always do these 11 things at home
1. Overcompensate with chores
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When a husband feels like he is failing at life, he may try to overcompensate by investing a lot of his time in chores. By overcompensating with chores, he hopes to regain a sense of control.
If he feels like it is difficult for him to be successful and a provider in other aspects of his life, he may develop this behavior to prove his value to himself. He might want to show his partner that, despite his difficulties in some aspects of his life, when it comes to household chores, he wants to contribute as much as he can.
2. Fix every little issue
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If a man feels like he is failing at life, he may start fixing everything at home. Fixing random things around the house will provide him with an immediate result that fuels his desire for accomplishment and control.
As he fixes things, he racks up tangible results of completed tasks and feels as though he is taking on the provider role within his household. When a husband feels like a failure but still tries to fix everything at home, it may be his way of seeking his partner’s acceptance and encouragement.
3. Procrastinate
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A husband who already feels like a failure in life may procrastinate on certain work and tasks at home. If they are overwhelmed by their failure and fear that the tasks they push off may ultimately lead them to more failure.
“Many people hesitate to start tasks due to the fear of not meeting expectations. This fear can stem from perfectionism, where folks set unrealistically high standards for themselves. When faced with large projects or multiple responsibilities, the sheer volume can be paralyzing. This feeling of being overwhelmed often leads to avoidance,” according to New Milford Counseling Center, a team of licensed professionals who are ready to help clients thrive by providing them with therapy.
4. Avoid difficult conversations
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When a husband feels like he is failing at life, he is in a vulnerable state. He may avoid difficult conversations at home because he is already feeling extremely overwhelmed, and he fears anything that might make him feel worse.
During this time, he needs support from his wife, but by avoiding having harder conversations with them, other issues may begin to grow within the marriage. Avoiding conflict leads to resentment, and it makes it difficult for him and his partner to build honesty, trust, and the kind of support he needs at this moment, explains Michelle Scharlop, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
5. Become emotionally withdrawn
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A husband who feels like he is failing at life will likely become emotionally withdrawn at home. He may do this to protect himself from feeling worse, and he may have become disconnected from his emotions.
“This communication dynamic, with one avoidant partner withdrawing further and the other becoming increasingly escalated and upset, becomes a classic ‘pursue-withdraw’ cycle, which tends to get increasingly worse over time,” mentions Lisa Marie Bobby, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
By being avoidant, he is making it even harder on himself and his marriage without even realizing it. While he thinks he is protecting himself from further pain, he is actually setting up his marriage to undergo more challenges than it would if emotional vulnerability were a priority.
6. Ignore their spouse
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A husband may ignore his spouse while he is at home if he feels like he is failing at life. He most likely feels a lot of shame and guilt because he believes that his failures are disappointing his partner.
When a husband is emotionally exhausted from his personal struggles, he has a difficult time being open with his spouse, especially when it comes to being vulnerable with them. If his spouse wants to improve the communication between them, they need to approach him with an understanding of the overwhelming feelings he has been dealing with due to his perceived failures, explains Terry Gaspard, a licensed independent clinical social worker.
7. Complain about their work
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As a way to express the frustration and exhaustion that he is feeling, a husband who feels like he is failing at life may complain about work when he's at home. He might be having a hard time separating his work-life stress from his personal life.
If he feels a need for emotional validation, he may seek this through complaining to his spouse in hopes that they will be understanding of his viewpoints and emotions. Instead of closing himself off from communication, he will want to openly discuss his feelings, which is something his spouse should encourage.
8. Engage in self-isolating hobbies
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As a coping mechanism for his feelings of failure, a husband may engage in self-isolating hobbies while he is at home. By doing this, he is likely hoping to feel a sense of control within his life and avoid the pressures of his life for a while.
While he devotes time to his hobbies, he is able to have the potential to process his emotions, but in order to do so, he cannot purely use the hobbies as an outlet for avoidance. Instead, he would need to be able to use his solitude to really consider his current situation.
9. Engage in passive activities
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When a husband feels like a failure, he will likely participate in passive activities at home. He may do this to cope with his low self-worth and his feelings of helplessness.
If his spouse notices that he is being more passive than usual, they should take time to consider what could be causing this behavior. By attempting to be more understanding and open, and to adopt less passive behavior, these qualities become increasingly possible within the relationship.
10. Refuse to help with children
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When a husband feels like a failure in life, he may become less willing to help with the children, if he has any. This is likely due to his feelings of inadequacy and developing emotional detachment.
Sometimes, feeling like he failed at life will cause him to suffer from miserable husband syndrome. This is when a man’s mood gets worse and worse every day, and his spouse will likely have a hard time getting him to engage in things, including family matters and his children.
11. Being passive-aggressive toward their spouse
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A husband who genuinely feels as though he has failed at life may be passive-aggressive toward his spouse. If he is struggling to express his feelings directly, he may become very frustrated and overwhelmed, causing this passive-aggressive behavior.
If his spouse cares deeply about him and their relationship, they should not overlook this behavior. “The whole point of passive-aggressive behaviour is to avoid direct communication, so it can be tempting to leave it alone and not address it. Fight this urge to the best of your ability as it can set the tone for the relationship going forward,” suggests Jody Lambert, a marriage and family therapist.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
