Photo: Brian Lawson on Unsplash
By Anabelle Bernard Fournier — Updated on Feb 25, 2023
When it comes to powers of attraction, there’s one thing I love more than anything else: being on a man’s mind and making him obsessed.
Sure, you could entrance him with your body, offer him his favorite drink and meal and keep him captive in your bed for a few hours, but being on his mind is, in my experience, more powerful than anything you could ever do while face-to-face.
Being on his mind means he’s thinking of you every minute and every second.
Being on his mind means he’s distracted, crazy, imagining being with you, that he’s all yours.
And although that might happen on its own, you can, hmm… speed up the process by using a few subtle techniques.
4 ways to make a man obsessed with you and stay on his mind 24/7:
1. Start with being interesting
Sure, you won’t be interesting to everyone, but there’s a way to improve your conversational powers with those who do find you interesting.
The secret to being a good conversationalist is to be a good listener.
I used to think that being in conversation was about me being heard, me being loud, me being right — and I lost several friendships because of this attitude. So I learned to listen. Actually, I learned this skill from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. It's the kind of book you read regularly (once a year for me). There’s always new information to glean from it.
Practicing active listening literally changed my life.
It's changed my relationships and improved my social skills. It's made me aware that I have a deep vein of wisdom and a generous capacity for listening that I can also use professionally.
So, if you want a man to be obsessed with you and be constantly on his mind, first you need to listen to him. Ask questions about his interests, his feelings and his desires.
Glean as much information as you can about the things that turn him on, both physically and intellectually. With that information in hand, you can then develop conversations about what he enjoys talking about, which will make him simply love being in your company.
That doesn't mean you need to sacrifice your interests, of course. Ideally, you want to find topics that interest you both. It needs to be fun for you too, and it’s easier to keep conversations going if you have a genuine interest in the subjects you discuss with each as well.
2. Hook him in
You’ve caught his interest. He listens to you, responds to you and shares things about himself easily. He trusts you and feels comfortable around you. That’s great! Now you can move on to the next step.
Hooking him in is easy if you already have his attention. You just need to push it a little further with some sexy flirting.
Is your guy a cerebral being with lots of fantasies? Sexting is an excellent way to reel him in for sure. And if he's the more visual type, send him some sexy selfies along with them.
Always remember to be yourself, of course.
If you’re not the type to be forward with your desires, you can drop subtle hints. If you're like me and are comfortable getting more aggressive, you'll have no problem saying directly how badly you want him — right this very minute.
3. Follow his lead
Once you’ve opened the conversation via sext, follow where his thoughts lead. Is he asking for more details? Men are usually more visual, so bring out the descriptive words.
Some men are satisfied with simply being talked to, but many like to participate more. For each action he describes, respond with something that brings up the heat.
Most of all, tell him — and show him — how much you want him.
People like to feel wanted. There's no better aphrodisiac than feeling someone’s need for you. How they touch you. How they look at you. How they talk to you. How they kiss you.
So think about the ways you like to show your desire. With a sultry kiss? With a hint of thigh under a short skirt at the restaurant? With candles and his favorite meal?
He’ll tell you through hints when you’re actually hooking up or when you’re flirting via text how he likes to be teased and turned on. Keep these things in mind and play with them.
4. Make yourself "top of mind"
There’s a principle in marketing called top-of-mind awareness, which is a way of positioning your brand or company as the first one that comes to mind whenever someone thinks about a certain product or service. You do accomplish this through strategies such as establishing expertise, sending regular reminders and just being generally awesome.
Well, you can totally do that with relationships.
When you keep yourself top of mind when it comes to his heart and mind, it means that whenever he thinks about physical and emotional intimacy, he thinks of you. (And my experience with men is that they think about this a lot.)
So send him flirty texts at random moments during the day, and do it regularly — maybe not every day, but at least every other day.
Keep his desire alive by sexting him during prolonged separations and follow up with some sexy FaceTimes every once in a while.
Doing all of the above will mean that when you do see each other, all of that sexting and thinking will lead to some of the best intimacy you've both ever had.
I find that revving myself up with some sexy and sweet texts during the day, especially on the day of an actual date, is a great way to guarantee an excellent time is had by all, as it activates your imagination, drives your man wild with desire, and gets you both in the mood to put those thoughts into action.
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Anabelle Bernard Fournier is a freelance writer and researcher, focusing her efforts on various topics including sexual and reproductive health, sociology of sexuality, medical ethics, and health care.