5 Forgotten Travel Lessons From The 80s And 90s That Make It Easier To Fall In Love On Vacation
After decades traveling with the love of his life, a man looks back on everything he's learned about stress-free travel.
Glowonconcept via Shutterstock When Lorri and I started dating, we both wanted to travel. First we considered Latin America. We'd see Mayan ruins, maybe ride a river in the rainforest. But it'd be August and insanely hot. Then it was Asia. Lorri had lived in Vietnam and Laos after college and still had friends there. We could flop on the cheap, but it'd also be kind of a reunion tour for her.
We discussed Russia, as well, and ultimately settled on Eastern Europe: Romania to Hungary to Austria and finally the Czech Republic. We planned to fly in and out and do the rest by rail or bus or whatever — we'd figure it out when we got there. Separately, we'd both traveled a lot so it went unspoken that the trip would also be a litmus test for our relationship.
The big meltdown happened on day 27, which is not to say that we didn't bicker, disagree, and snipe at each other across the previous 26 days. We did. We also saw monasteries painted inside and out in mosaics, drank way too much bad Hungarian wine, and crashed a house party in Bucharest. Along the way I also came to see how differently I, as a man, traveled compared to Lorri. I also learned a few old-fashioned lessons about how to travel together and fall deeply in love.
Here are a few of the lessons I learned. They may seem old-fashioned, but that's precisely why they are so useful!
Here are five forgotten travel lessons from the 80s and 90s that make it easier to fall in love on vacation
1. Take your time and share the planning
Take your time when choosing a destination. Fantasizing about different locales is half the fun of getting away together. Don't just send videos back and forth, share the research together, side-by-side, and feel your way through to a thorough game plan.
"Anticipation is an aphrodisiac," says Dr. Barton Goldsmith, author of Emotional Fitness for Couples. Also, make sure it's somewhere you really want to go or you'll end up sitting on a beach while he surfs or diving with sharks the day after you get your scuba certification. Once you settle on a place, let him book the itinerary if he wants. Men are often task-driven, and this can be an advantage for both of you.
Ultimately, it doesn't matter who does the bookings, the idea is to build anticipation the old-fashioned way: together.
2. Pack less, enjoy more
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Despite what you might see on social media, you don't need many outfit changes or wild accessories. In fact, it's just the opposite! Less is sexy. Yes, men often probably pack lighter than women and pride themselves on doing so (which some people consider to be sexist!). But, if a man is like me, he'll still use all his partner's toiletries that he made fun of before he realized that he brought only a toothbrush and a stick of deodorant!
"You don't have to pack for every possible outfit permutation," explains Amy Ziff, Travelocity Editor-at-Large. "Three pairs of shoes is the rule." And don't be surprised if his bag gets heavier by the end of the trip.
"I picked up a rug in Istanbul without thinking that I had to carry it for the next 14,000 miles," recounts a friend, James, who traveled with his future wife for four months. That was a great lesson for the two of them in problem-solving and how they handled stress.
3. Plan for things to go wrong, then adapt
Things will go wrong. Modern travel is a crapshoot, especially when you're flying. So don't be surprised when the worst happens. No, it may not meet that influencer-inspired vision you had, but it may end up being even better.
"Losing your cool is so unattractive," says Ziff. "Always remember that you're not the only person in that situation."
If you're traveling by car, it's likely a man will want to do the driving. Regardless of who it is who wants to do it, driving in foreign countries is stressful. Whomever is not driving can take ownership of the map and give him flawless directions. Strange as it sounds, it'll be a huge point of connection.
And, yes, I said "map"! GPS can be handy on your phone, but for an adventure, grab a paper map! Yes, they're retro, but that's part of why they're so romantic.
4. Eat it all up
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The big fight on my trip with Lorri was over food. We'd spent every single meal together for almost month and the endless hunt for sustenance got to both of us. Later I realized that I just wanted to eat alone, which was precisely the outcome of the spat. Yes, hanger is real and back in those days, we couldn't just order delivery on our phones and eat different meals, so we had to work it out. That's a good thing!
Food can also lead to unexpected bonding. Both James and his future wife got into some bad fish in Indonesia and spent untold hours reading each other For Whom The Bell Tolls, while trading off between the bathroom and the bed. From the way he told the story, it was clearly one of his fondest memories from the journey.
5. Small concessions make a big difference
"You've got to give and take," says Jennifer Roberts, director of sales and marketing for VIP Honeymoon, who recounted a recent trip to Thailand where an elephant repeatedly spat in her mouth. Was she planning on this? Absolutely not. She didn't even want to see elephants all that much!
"My husband had to a plan to visit an elephant and had to do it with me to enjoy it." That said, "Men tend to be very grateful and find it romantic if she does his stuff with him," explains Goldsmith. To avoid tension, try to find things that you like in common and don't be afraid to split up for a morning or an afternoon. That way, when you re-connect later you'll have stories to share. Lastly, leave room for flexibility. The best stuff tends to be the most unexpected.
And remember, just because you want to see that elephant doesn't mean it has to happen. Getting the right photo or potentially viral video isn't worth a meltdown that could sabotage your relationship. You both need to be willing to compromise and adapt. That's one of the biggest rewards of traveling together, one that cannot be adequately represented on social media!
The take-home advice? Plan together. Flying by the seat of your pants is sexy and fun when solo—but it's frustrating when traveling as a twosome. Save the spur-of-the-moment stuff for the occasional day trip. Plan wisely, and the maiden vacation voyage will make the relationship. Bon voyage!
John Meils is a love and relationships writer.
