I Don't Play Fair, Because I Don't Have To: In Relationships, There Is No Such Thing As Equality

You need to put yourself first in your relationship.

By Sanni Lark — Written on Nov 06, 2021

Photo: VK Studio / Shutterstock

I have been chastised by so many people over the years for speaking out about putting myself and my needs first when it comes to relationships, especially romantic ones.

I hear so many women fight for the right to be taken advantage of by men who know they have the emotional upperhand in the relationship.

These women really believe they are doing their fair share by bending over backward to keep a man happy, under the guise that they must “play fair” with men.

And because some women care too much about men and their opinions, most men play accordingly, while reaping the benefits of a woman who isn’t in touch with her desires and expectations in a relationship.

Men have been served by their girlfriends, mothers, aunts, sisters, and wives for centuries, and they are used to being worshipped like kings even though they treat the women in their lives as paupers.

They know how eager women are to please men, even to their detriment; and so they take full advantage of their feminine counterpart while preaching about equality and how a woman must do her “fair share.”

The truth is that most women are being drained physically, emotionally, and financially by doing most (or all) of the housework, working a full-time career, raising children, and serving selfish men who don’t reciprocate the love they receive in any way.

In my opinion, a woman only benefits from the relationship if she has more leverage than her partner.

There is a reason why our foremothers believed that a man should be more in love with you than you with him. A man should benefit from loving you deeply and making sure you are well taken care of.

It angers people when I say that I aim to please myself first and foremost, and my presence in a man’s life is a blessing, therefore he needs to act like it. Yes, I have learned to think that highly of myself.

I have had damn near four years of my life being robbed of my womanhood by running myself ragged trying to cater to men, and only to my physical, emotional, and spiritual detriment. I am no longer playing their free therapist and servant. I have learned so many lessons from these abusive encounters, and I have concluded that being self-centered works for me.

I know the emotionally exploitative methods and games most men play in an attempt to keep benefitting from women.

Either they whine to me like toddlers about equality, balance, and fairness or they proclaim that women are put on this earth to serve them and their children. Of course, these false claims go in one pierced ear and out the other.

What’s so interesting about these conversations I have with so many different men is that they always try to place me in this submissive role from early on.

But once they realize that they cannot guilt me into serving them, these men have a newfound respect for me and they enjoy doing things that make me happy.

I have witnessed firsthand how men will use and exploit the women who are ignorant to their manipulative tactics, while highly respecting, adorning, and serving the women whom they deem to be intelligent and not easily fooled. I have experienced both sides, and I choose to be highly-valued instead of belittled.

I am only writing this editorial because I care. I am in no way trying to embarrass any woman who fell for these archaic ideals of servitude to their men while simultaneously never getting their needs met.

I really could’ve written about something else, while keeping this “free game” in my mind so that I can solely benefit from this information.

I know that I may face backlash because people can be incredibly sensitive when they encounter a woman who has the audacity to want the best for herself, even if that means she remains single, or she shifts the relationship dynamic in her favor.