Heartbreak

10 Ginormous Signs You're Headed For A Breakup

Photo: Anton Estrada, Kaspars Grinvalds | Canva 
Uncharacteristic, partner sneaky with phone

During the past nine years, I have represented hundreds of clients in divorce cases. Most people want the assurance that the breakdown of their marriage was not entirely their fault.

To efficiently represent any client going through a divorce, I have to know all the details leading to the end of the relationship. Over the past few years, I have noticed that marriages fall apart for a multitude of reasons. Many happily married people come to me and ask what the signs are that a marriage may be headed for divorce. Based on my experiences as a divorce attorney, I have compiled a top ten list of signs that your marriage is over.

Some entries on the list are filled with funny euphemisms. Some are more serious, but all have played major factors in the divorces I’ve handled.

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Here are 10 ginormous signs you're headed for a breakup:

1. Your spouse is Facebooking with his or her high school sweetheart daily

While I don’t personally believe it poses an issue if your spouse has occasional contact with an ex-lover, the contact seems to become a problem when this communication is substituted for communication with the spouse and if this communication is hidden from the other spouse.

Many people wonder ‘what if’ when faced with the doldrums of everyday life. It is easy to imagine that your life would be better with that college sweetheart or that high school football star who got away. However, one fails to realize that a new relationship brings new issues.

2. Your spouse has gained more than 20% of his or her body weight

In every marriage, each spouse needs to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Part of keeping the passion alive is maintaining the physical presence that attracted your spouse to you in the first place. When one spouse no longer cares about his or her appearance, the other spouse can lose interest quickly. The adage “what it takes to get her, it takes to keep her” is true.

3. Your spouse is donning scandalous new underwear all of a sudden

If your spouse makes a drastic change in his or her underclothes, you have to wonder why. This is one of the all-time biggest signs of the early stage of a new affair.

   

   

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4. Your spouse lies around all day and yet the house needs cleaning

Being married is not a time for laziness. Each partner needs to do his or her part to share in the household chores. It is never permissible for one spouse to do everything in the marriage whether that is child-rearing, earning income, or maintaining the home.

5. Your spouse is secretive with his or her cell phone

In today’s society, it is very easy for one individual to maintain one persona to his or her spouse and another to others. Cell phone and computer use do not make it any easier. Many of my clients felt their marriages unraveled when their spouses began to be overly secretive about cell phone usage.

6. Your spouse makes you write down everything you spend money on

This is a classic sign of a controlling and emotionally abusive spouse. Marriage is about sharing love and life experiences not monitoring your spouse’s every move. Control is never a healthy weapon in marriage. Each person is an individual and must be treated as an adult.

7. Your spouse no longer wants to be intimate with you

Intimacy is an integral part of a healthy marriage. It provides a way to connect with your spouse on an emotional and physical level. Inti,acy is good exercise and promotes healthy well-being. If your spouse no longer shows interest in you, it is imperative to try to find out why and work on the issues. Often lack of intimacy leads one spouse to resent the other spouse over time.

   

   

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8. Your spouse spends more time on the tennis courts than spending time with you

It is very easy for a married person to find oneself completely absorbed in the activities of everyday life. For a marriage to have a chance at succeeding over time, each spouse has to put the marriage first. Making time daily to connect with your partner is an absolute must. If you spend more time focusing on other people or other activities, then your marriage is bound to suffer.

9. Your spouse cruises singles' bars after work

The ‘singles scene’ should have a danger sign posted at every corner bar. It takes a person of high integrity and moral footing to be able to withstand the singles who do not believe in marriage or respect it. If your spouse is constantly going to singles bars alone, one has to wonder if he or she divulges their true marital status to the other singles out there.

10. Your spouse wants you to swing with your neighbors 

It amazes me how a seemingly innocent and loving couple gets drawn into this lifestyle which almost always leads to the ultimate demise of a marriage. It begins when one spouse has fantasies of ‘swinging’ but the other spouse does not. The unwitting spouse gets sucked into this lifestyle by promises of good intimacy and a happier marriage. It often leaves the less enthusiastic spouse feeling guilty, less attractive, and vulnerable.

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Mindy R. Smith PC, Attorney at Law is a family lawyer who specializes in Family Law, Child Custody, Divorce, and post-divorce remedies. She has appeared on many programs and networks for consultation, including Nancy Grace, Good Day Atlanta (FOX), Peachtree TV CBS Atlanta, WGCL-TV The Mancow Mueller Show, and more.

This article was originally published at Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission from the author.