Confessions Of A Real-Life Matchmaker: Why He Never Called You Back

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sad woman

As a matchmaker to the rich and famous, I can tell you that I have incredible clients — and even better matchmaker stories.

I really enjoy most of my clients and think they are wonderful people and great catches. They are good-looking, educated, successful people, and they are a ton of fun to be around.

You might ask me why, if they are so great, are they still single and in need of my help? Well, sometimes, there just isn’t enough time in the day to weed through all those online dating profiles.

Other times, they are too tired after a long hard day to put themselves together for a night out on the town where they might meet someone special. Working too hard means that you lack a social life and your dating pool dries up.

All in all, most have the time to date, just not the time to find someone to date. 

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When I was new at matchmaking, I admit that I didn’t always know what I know now. So, occasionally a single client would slip in for a different reason altogether.

When I met these wonderful people's pickier alter egos, I couldn’t quite go to another matchmaker and ask them how they would handle it. Sometimes, you just have to figure it out yourself in this business.

What I found is that clients can be doing something that is keeping them single. Or, you might say, they aren’t doing something, like asking you out for a second date when they should.

And the reason is nothing more than because they are just too picky. It’s really my worst nightmare when I have one of these clients and I can’t help them change their limiting behavior.

Clients that are this picky aren’t likely to initially recognize just how crazy their behavior has become much less than it’s holding them back. 

What it means for the average, non-famous, single person out there is that there are a ton of reasons why someone never called you back. Really, fate just stepped in and saved you and you didn’t even know it.

I am not talking about having standards. There is nothing wrong with standards. It’s these crazy expectations that I can spot a mile away these days. 

When I first started as a matchmaker, I made mistakes and failed to adjust a client’s expectations. I didn’t realize some people just won’t give love a chance. Now, I know better.

The following situations are real-life examples of matchmaker stories I heard from clients after their date.

I am sure you went out with people with some of the same limiting beliefs and now you know why they “just weren’t that into you.” So, you can see, it really isn’t something you did or didn’t do. Sometimes, it’s just them.

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On another note, if you recognize this type of behavior in yourself, it’s extreme and it’s the thing that is keeping you single. Don’t go on another date until you get your expectations in order because you are wasting everyone’s time.

You are also passing up a lot of potential love and happiness in your life.

1. She reminded me of my cousin.

Yes, I heard this from one of my favorite clients about another favorite client. Truth was, she did remind him of his cousin.

His cousin wasn’t exciting, fun, or interesting. His cousin was quite a dull and boring lady by his account.

He projected all these qualities onto his date and didn’t ask her out for a second date. He missed out. She is fabulous. He did like her cleavage, so we will give him credit for not pursuing her for the wrong reasons.

We all have a tendency to project qualities on someone if they remind us of someone else. Do yourself a favor and stop now.

2. His date was a size 10...

...And he said he works with people like that, but he doesn’t want to date people that are a size 10. Yikes!

What is wrong with people? Do I need to say any more about this one? Yes, my clients look for extremely attractive women, but this boils down to just plain ridiculous.

3. He actually said, 'I can tell whether I am attracted to them in the first 5 seconds.'

Let me start by saying, I know that most of you think you know whether your dates looks good in the first 5 seconds, but that wasn't the problem.

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He loved her looks. She was a tall gorgeous, blonde. It was when she spoke to him to greet him. Something went wrong at “Hello.”

Folks, you need to give it more time, really. 

4. He wasn’t tall enough.

Of course, I have heard this one before. Women all want a guy that is over six feet tall.

You have narrowed it down to about 13 percent of the male population. What really gets to me is when I hear you say that when you slip your heels on you are taller than him. Who cares?

Really, if you are 5’9” and slip on heels, you are taller than 87 percent of the guys out there with your 3-inch heels. Are you really letting a few inches get in the way of a lifetime of happiness?

Keep going out with the idiots that break your heart and maybe one day, a short, fat, and funny guy will make you laugh when your ovaries are about to dry up. You will only realize then that you missed out on all the joy a great love has to offer.

5. He didn’t stand up like a gentleman when she went to the ladies' room.

I actually didn’t even know that was still considered the polite thing to do! He held open the door, walked her to the car, and was otherwise very chivalrous. That's not enough?

Really, 1940 is calling and they want you back. You must be the only person who would stab a promising relationship to death over this one.

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Susan Trombetti is a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. She's appeared on Fox, ABC, NBC, ABC, Cosmopolitan, Shape, and as a guest contributor of The Wall Street Radio.