10 Concrete Signs Your Ex Is Still Emotionally Attached To You
Signs an ex is not as over you as they want you to believe.
Lany-Jade Mondou | Pexels How do you know if your breakup is forever? You don't. At this stage, you can drive yourself mad looking for hidden good signs your ex is still attached and feeling for you, wants to start spending time with you, and asks to be with you again.
When you speak with them, you're probably not sure exactly where you stand. The things they do and say leave you feeling more confused than ever. You need 100 percent clarity that they've moved on if you're going to be able to get over them and get your life back on track.
Here are ten concrete signs your ex is still emotionally attached to you:
1. They're already in a new rebound relationship
You have learned your ex is already in another relationship. How is this possible? Could they move on that quickly? Experts indicate that rebound relationships are common after breakups.
A 2014 study showed, "Men were found to be more likely to enter rebound relationships in the aftermath of a relational termination based on lower levels of social support, more emotional attachment to an ex-partner, and displaying the ludus (or game playing) love style. The whole point of a rebound relationship is to fill the void that is left after a painful breakup."
A relationship comes with feelings of intimacy, security, and familiarity. Many people mourn the loss of these feelings after a breakup, and they make up for them by jumping into a relationship with another person. A rebound relationship is an emotional "band-aid." As such, your ex can get into a rebound relationship even when they are still in love with you. Several pointers would help you figure out whether your ex's new relationship is genuine or a rebound.
Has your ex started dating fast after the breakup? If the two of you have only been broken up for a couple of weeks and your ex is already dating again, the chances are that your ex is on a rebound and is still into you.
2. They're dating someone who is your polar opposite
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Sometimes, exes try to overcompensate for the pain of a breakup by finding someone who is nothing like their ex. It's probably over if your ex’s new partner is nothing like you, chances are this is a big sign your ex is still into you but is trying to use the new boo to get over you.
Two studies in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships examined "people who experienced a breakup and assessed their well-being, their feelings about their ex-partner, and whether they were seeing someone new. Analyses indicated that people in new relationships were more confident in their desirability and had more resolution over their ex-partner.
Among those in new relationships, the speed with which they began their relationship was associated with greater psychological and relational health. Overall, these findings suggest that rebound relationships may be more beneficial than typically believed."
3. They're stalking you on social media
Is your ex stalking you on social media? If your ex combs through your social media commenting, sharing things you post, and liking your posts, these are signs that they might still have feelings for you. Your ex would not monitor your social media content if they weren't. People do not invest their time and energy into things that do not mean much to them.
Does your ex post an excessive number of party pictures? Your ex feels a need to capture all the "fun" events blowing up his or her social media accounts because they have not moved on. Your ex is trying to bombard you with photographic evidence that they have "moved on" and are "over you," even though these actions indicate otherwise.
But if your ex has unfollowed and unfriended your social media accounts, it means that your ex is trying to move on and doesn't want you in their life by following the no-contact rule. Many times, staying connected on social media could be unhealthy because it leaves doors open to communication and makes it hard for both exes to find closure.
It's probably over if there has been no change in their social media activity, it could indicate that they are maturely handling the breakup and are moving on with their life; it is only a matter of time.
4. They haven't returned some of your things
Many gifts and items were probably exchanged in the course of the relationship.
- Do you still have a lot of your ex's belongings?
- Has your ex wormed their way into all aspects of your life?
- Is our ex dragging their feet, tying up the loose ends?
If they haven't returned your things, they are holding out hope you will get back together.
If your ex is not completely over you, they will choose not to retrieve their things, so your ex can have an excuse to come for them at another time. As long as there are items that belong to your ex in your house, this is a strong sign that the two of you will always have unfinished business.
It's probably over if your ex gave you back all your things, returned your gifts after the breakup, and collected their items. This is your ex's way of telling you they are serious about moving on. If everything has been returned to their rightful owners, no business has been left unfinished, and your ex is ready to move on.
5. They're still in contact with you
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Are you guys still texting and calling each other just like old times? Does your ex call to check on you and ask how your day was? This is one of the biggest signs that your ex probably misses you and is not over you.
Research in the Journal of Relationships Research examined "relationship and breakup characteristics of post-relationship contact and tracking. The studies showed, "difficulty adjusting to relationship breakup is normal, and predictive of attempts to remain in contact with an ex-partner. However, the seemingly benign form of contact can hurt individuals."
It's probably over if your ex cut off all contact, and they don't want to stay in touch at all. It’s over. If your ex avoids going to places where you might be, even places where they would typically want to go, your ex is trying hard to ensure that the two of you have no reason to connect again.
6. They're not moving on
Moving on does not always have to be symbolic. Sometimes, people can move on after a breakup, especially if the ex-couples worked in the same place or they have mutual friends.
A 2003 study investigated "the prevalence and correlates of personal growth and distress following romantic relationship breakups." Personal growth was reported in areas they thought might improve future romantic relationships. The study showed "women reported more growth than did men," while "factors related to higher levels of distress included causal attributions to the ex-partner and environmental factors surrounding the previous relationship. "
It's probably over if your ex moves away. This is a big deal. The long distance means they are not planning to get back together because your ex doesn’t see you in their future.
7. They're sticking to comfortable routines
If your ex is making a point of sticking to the same routines and habits they had when they were with you, it could be a sign they don't want much to change, including your place in their life.
It's probably over if you pay attention and realize your ex is trying new things and having new experiences. You may need to admit your ex is moving on with their life.
- Is your ex learning a new language?
- Traveling more?
- Going on hiking trips?
- Going camping?
It tells you that your ex is moving on. Your ex wants a life that nudges them out of their comfort zone and daily routine. What better way to move on!
Your ex may also seem different. Did your ex get a new haircut or dye their hair? Is your ex dressing differently? Your ex is deliberately building a new life, and you better believe it's to move on.
8. They're saying nothing but good things about you
Has your ex been complimenting you on anything and everything? From your career to your looks, they have only nice things to say about you to others. If your ex is doing this, it means that your ex wants those around you to know just how much they appreciate you.
Ensuring these compliments come back to you may make you have increased positive feelings for your ex, allowing them to crawl back.
It's probably over if your ex isn't talking about you at all. It could be a strong indication they're no longer interested and aren't thinking about you much anymore.
9. They're still upset about the breakup
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This one is pretty obvious. If your ex is devastated that you guys have broken up, it means they still want to be with you. It takes a lot for an ex to admit they are upset and sad about a breakup (especially if that ex is a guy), so if they make sure you hear about this, it means they want you back.
They may tell a mutual friend to ensure you hear how madly they are missing you. Exes who pretend nothing happened only fool themselves and end up hurting not only themselves but their ex-partners as well. If your ex is making sure you know they are upset, it's a good sign they may have changed and want you back.
10. The break-up was amicable
If you can think back to your relationship from beginning to end and if all you can remember are good times, then there's a good chance your ex will soon realize the same and come back.
Usually, when the reason behind your breakup isn't something substantial like cheating, mind games, or wanting different things in life, your ex will come to an understanding that they want to be a part of your life and will eventually come back.
If there was no damage done to the relationship, then it's salvageable, and rekindling your relationship may come a bit easier. Be patient.
Why is it so hard to know if your ex wants you back? Unfortunately, men and women alike can be great at sending mixed signals. Some may say this confusion is because of the way men and women handle breakups differently, even if you end it on good terms.
In the process of getting over an ex after a breakup, a woman will generally allow herself to feel all of her painful emotions, talk with her close friends, spend time analyzing what happened in the relationship, and remember the good times. The process is extremely difficult, but it helps women gain both emotional clarity and closure.
Men, on the other hand, will most probably bury their feelings and apparently "move on." For instance, men may make a deliberate effort to start dating immediately. As such, they will procrastinate processing the breakup and the relationship. In all honesty, your boyfriend may also not know whether he is truly ready to move on or not.
According to a study conducted by researchers from Binghamton University and University College London, stereotypes about the differences ways men and women handle breakups are based on some proven truths. "Women," the study found, "experience more emotional pain following a breakup, but they also more fully recover."
The study entailed asking "5,705 participants in 96 countries to rate the emotional and physical pain of a breakup on a scale of one (none) to 10 (unbearable). They found that women tend to be more negatively affected by breakups, reporting higher levels of both physical and emotional pain.
Women averaged 6.84 in terms of emotional anguish versus 6.58 in men. In terms of physical pain, women averaged 4.21 versus men’s 3.75. While breakups hit women the hardest emotionally and physically, women tend to recover more fully and come out emotionally stronger. Men, on the other hand, never fully recover — they simply move on."
Our society teaches women to be comfortable experiencing and expressing feelings of sadness. A woman is expected to cry, share her heartbreak with friends, and even go to therapy to address the pain of her broken heart. Men are taught from childhood to "man up."
A man, even when he is hurting, is expected to appear strong and in control, as well as to retain his independence without asking for help. This is the reason men will not only take longer to heal from heartbreak, but they are also more likely to engage in destructive behavior along the way.
Now that you know if your ex still has feelings for you, the important question is: Do you want your ex back? Remember, there is a reason why things did not work out in the first place. Is the reason something that the two of you can work on, or do the two of you need to call it quits?
Even if your ex wants you back, this is a crucial time to make the all-important decision: Should you make a move to get your ex back and create a healthy relationship, or end the relationship once and for all, or is your fear of rejection keeping you from your happily ever after?
Randy Skilton is a relationship coach dedicated to helping guys understand themselves and become better men, husbands, and lovers.
