7 Sweet Ways To Bring Joy Back Into Your Marriage

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man and woman laughing in bed, wearing sweaters

Joy in a marriage is more potent than happiness. It comes from an inner sense of knowing that you are with the right person.

Joy comes from a deep knowing that you bring out the best in each other. It gives you hope even during difficult times. It reminds you that as long as you take responsibility for yourself in the relationship, all will be okay because you trust yourself and your partner.

If you want joy in your relationship, you need to do this work as a team. Practicing radical gratitude every day is an excellent way to bring joy back into your marriage.

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Seven ways to bring joy back into your marriage

1. Think about what brings you joy

What are you thankful for in your life, and what do you appreciate about your partner?

Radical gratitude happens when you take the time to give thanks for all the good things in your life, especially all the small things you take for granted. What might they be for you? 

For you, they might be the gift of breath, your physical body, love of family and friends, shelter, food, mother nature, and much more.

Think for a moment about what brings you joy. Think of the first time you knew you were in love with your partner. Maybe it is sitting watching your neighbor's children while you have a coffee or sitting on a beach watching a sunrise or sunset. Perhaps it is welcoming your child into the world at birth. 

Finally, think of the many ways you are grateful for your partner. Then make sure you let them know how amazing they are. Let all the people close to you know what you appreciate about them.

If you believe in a higher power, let this energy/spirit know what you are thankful for each day. It is hard to be angry when you are grateful.

Remember that bringing joy back into your marriage is lifelong work. Make this your intention when you get up every day.

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2. Get comfortable with your needs 

You have needs. What do you need to be emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy? You are the only person who truly knows what you desire?

Take full responsibility for meeting your own needs. Do you have a job you enjoy? Do you feed yourself well and get enough sleep? Do you have good friends because no one can meet all your needs?

If you are extroverted, are you getting enough time with other people to energize yourself, or if you are introverted, are you getting enough time alone to charge your batteries?

Are you getting enough couple time and enough time with friends and your extended family?

Do you feel honored and respected for who you are? Are you trying to make your partner into who you want them to be?

To feel joy in your relationship, you both need to feel fully loved and accepted for who you are—this will help to bring joy back into your marriage.

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3. Make time for your partner

To experience joy, you must spend significant time with each other.

Let each other know what is going on in your lives. What is going well, and what are the challenges? Be honest with yourself and each other about your feelings. It can take time to recognize the difference between what you feel and think you feel because the mind can play tricks on you.

When you have a conflict, make time to work it out. Pick a time when you are calm and rested. There are some simple tools to help you do this.

Make time for a fun time with your partner. If you have children make sure you have a date at least a couple of times a month. You do not want to wake up one day and wonder who your partner is.

4.  Find a new passion together.

Find something that you both enjoy that you can do together. You don't need to do everything together because you would have nothing to share.

What brought you together? Do you like to play a sport such as tennis or badminton? Maybe you want to dance or go hiking.

Take the risk of trying something new to you that your partner enjoys. It might become one of your shared pleasures.

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5.  Learn the Enneagram together

A great way to help to bring joy back into your marriage is learning the Enneagram together.

The Enneagram is a tool to help you to understand what makes you both tick. It will help you to have compassion for each other. You will learn new ways to bring out the best in each other.

Your Enneagram type shows you the place you get stuck on automatically when you are under stress. Once you become aware of when you get stuck in your personality type, you can choose to take a new path.

When you are both ready to take a new path that embraces you at your best, you will find a joy you never thought possible.

6. Nurtue your friendships

If you want to bring joy back into your marriage, you need friends outside of your marriage. Your love is awesome, but it can not meet every need in your life.

Having a friend who can help you reflect on your relationship is good. They may be able to see things that you are too close to see.

Find friends you can trust who will be both caring and honest.

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7. Bring out the best in each other.

Part of the joy in your relationship will come from you bringing out the best in each other.

When you are fully open to your three centers of intelligence, your body, heart, and mind, you open up to your inner wisdom. You can encourage your partner to follow their dreams and find the courage to follow your own.

You will be secure enough in yourself to support your partner in what life is calling on them to do. You will help them because you love them even when their new plans are not convenient for you.

The joy comes from you both flourishing in life. You will transform the world in ways you could never have done alone. You will discover your path to bringing joy back into your marriage.

Practice Radical Gratitude every day.

Make sure your partner knows how amazing they are. Let each other know what helps you both to feel loved and appreciated. Then practice, practice, and practice.

You can not force joy into your relationship. When you make the time and effort to reveal your true selves and find the courage to follow your dreams, joy will naturally flow into your life.

Make the time to nurture your relationship, and be honest with yourself and your partner. Make time for fun. Don't hold on to grudges. Remember, you are both human and imperfect. Be gentle with yourself and your partner.

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Roland Legge is a certified Identity Life Coach and a minister in the United Church of Canada in Yorkton, Saskatchewan. He shares more insights in his newsletter.