My Boyfriend Isn't My Best Friend — And That's How It Should Be

A boyfriend and a best friend can't be one and the same.

Last updated on Sep 04, 2023

happy couple, friends bernardbodo | Canva

Editor's Note: This is a part of YourTango's Opinion section where individual authors can provide varying perspectives for wide-ranging political, social, and personal commentary on issues.

By Alanna Sarah

We've all heard it before. Some of you have probably even said it. Some of you probably believe it.  

"I'm marrying my best friend!"

I see it on Facebook, and hear it on TV shows, everywhere. I'm happy for you all. I truly am. However, I will never utter those words, and here's why.


RELATED: The 5 Types Of Guys Who Are *Not* Husband Material (No Matter How Much You Like Them)

My best friend and I went through college together, we've grown up together, and have supported each other through tough times in our lives. I've seen her through dating her first few boyfriends and moving to Seattle with her current boyfriend. She's seen me date a handful of losers and has been there when I've called her crying at 1 a.m. in the mornings.

I understand that I haven't found "the one" yet, but he will never replace her. 

I 100% trust both my boyfriend and my best friend, but there are some roles that each of them plays in my life that can't be shared.


RELATED: I Didn't Marry My Best Friend ... On Purpose

For example:

  • When I'm having a terrible period and I need ice cream stat. Boyfriend
  • When I need to consult on female body issues. Best friend
  • Tell me if the dress I'm wearing is flattering. Best friend
  • Pop the pimple on my back. Boyfriend
  • Complain to someone without them wanting to fix it. Best friend
  • Model my lingerie. Boyfriend
  • Complain about how my boyfriend is driving me nuts. Best friend
  • Complain about how my best friend is driving me nuts. Boyfriend
  • Let my inner mean girl out without fear of judgment. Best friend
  • Help me hang photos for my gallery wall. Boyfriend

Of course, these are totally subjective. Maybe your best friend would man up and pop that pimple on your back (Ariel, don't worry I won't make you do this), or maybe your boyfriend is totally cool WebMD'ing your embarrassing girly body issues. But this is how I feel about it. 

Another point to mention is what if that person isn't available? What if my boyfriend is at work and I'm having a panic attack over something insignificant per usual? Guess what, I can call my best friend! Or vice-versa. If I can't call my best friend because of the time difference between Seattle to D.C.? I can always call my boyfriend.


Also, who's going to be your maid of honor if your best friend is your fiance?! Okay, I'm getting a bit carried away here... 

RELATED: I Married My Best Friend — My Wife Did Not

Have you ever had a guy tell you that they need "guy time"? Guess what, it's the exact same situation. He needs his man-friend time to talk about farts, football, or whatever else guys talk about when us women aren't around...I don't know. And that's okay.

I think a boyfriend/fiance/husband can be a best friend but for me, they will never be "my best friend." That role is reserved for my best (girl) friend and always will be.

Side note: I'm not getting married any time soon so only time will tell if I end up marrying Ariel...


How do you feel about this issue? Did you marry/date "your best friend"?

RELATED: You Don't Want To Marry This Type Of Man

Alanna Sarah is a freelance writer and a contributor to BlogHer.