4 Behaviors Of Couples Who Become More Obsessed With Each Other As They Age, According To Psychology
Some couples don't just stay in love, they get more obsessed with each other every year.
Hector Reyes | Unsplash The wedding is over, the rice has been thrown, and now the question is this: How do you stay obsessed with each other year after year? It’s a very good question and a very important one. One that many newlyweds don’t ask but should.
Marriage is wonderful, but it lasts a long time, and that time isn’t always, or even often, easy. S,o thinking ahead about how to maintain a healthy relationship with your husband is very important as you grow into old age together.
Here are four behaviors of couples who become more obsessed with each other as they age, according to psychology:
1. Create a good foundation
A good foundation is important for every structure, and a marriage especially. The habits that you develop as newlyweds will carry you forth throughout your marriage.
If there are things that you are hoping will change once you are married, forget it. We only become more of who we are the older we get. What are the important pieces of a good foundation? On the most basic level, trust is essential for every marriage.
If you can not trust your partner to be honest with you, to be there when you need them, to know that they will always look out for your best interests, then you may as well be alone. Because if you can’t trust your partner, who can you trust?
Another key piece of a good marriage foundation is mutual respect. Two people can't work well together if they don’t respect each other as people. If they don’t respect their morals, their values, and their work ethic. So make sure, early on, that you respect your partner and that he respects you back.
A third piece is knowing that you both recognize that you are now a pair, that by getting married, you have formed a new family.
Both of you come from individual families, but now you are creating a new one. And that new one needs to be the priority. Sure, either mother-in-law might like things to be a certain way, but you both must realize that your new family is the priority and that it is clear to others.
So, set a good foundation for your marriage. It will be important that you do so going forward.
2. Embrace parenting with realistic expectations
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Getting married is often (but not always) followed by having children, and I often wonder, if people knew what having children was like, would they reconsider? (If you're not planning to have kids, you can skip this point.)
There is nothing harder on marriage than the arrival of a child. Suddenly, the woman’s priorities are redirected, away from the man who has been her life for years and towards this little helpless creature whom she is biologically hard-wired to protect.
Right after my daughter was born, my mother made us two sheet pans of lasagna. We froze them for when she went back to Virginia. I remember my husband coming home from work one day and, upon learning that we were having lasagna again, he stalked out of the room.
I seriously thought I would never be able to cook and take care of a baby, so I burst into tears. And of course, as children grow, their demands on the family become greater, and by their teen years, their parents are exhausted and often estranged from each other.
They live in the same house, but that’s it. The couple is gone. Parents must take time to spend time with each other during the chaos of raising children. Do fun things together, talk about subjects outside of the family, and laugh a lot. If you don’t, you will completely lose who you are as a couple and be only Mom and Dad.
So don’t forget your husband in the fray of raising your amazing children. You will be glad you did.
Research indicates that the transition to parenthood brings significant changes to a couple's relationship, often leading to a decline in marital satisfaction and a shift in relationship dynamics. It's important for couples to acknowledge and prepare for these potential changes, as the lack of awareness can lead to increased stress, conflict, and even relationship strain.
3. Speak to each other with kindness
Nothing is worse in a marriage than when respect is gone. When respect is gone, it is replaced by contempt, and no relationship can survive when there is contempt.
If you spend time with any couple who has been married awhile you will know what I mean. One person’s habits have become too much for the other person and it is very clear.
My ex-husband used to often come home late from work. At first, I begged him to be home in time for dinner. He tried but most often failed. I got increasingly frustrated and starting losing respect for him.
I eventually stopped asking him and started telling him that he was rendering himself irrelevant. That we didn’t need him home for dinner anyway. How great did that make him feel? He is my ex-husband, you notice.
Research by renowned American psychologist John Gottman stresses that relationships thrive when partners prioritize kindness and respectful communication. Kindness plays a strong role in nurturing love, deepening emotional connection, and improve communication.
4. Bring up money openly and regularly
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This is the holy grail of taboo subjects in a marriage and one of the top reasons that marriages fall apart. Many people can not talk about their finances without it descending into chaos.
Money is a difficult topic, whether there is too much or too little, and couples can rarely talk about it without fighting. How much a salary is, how much it costs to run a family and keep a house, spending money on self-care, putting money away for savings. All are difficult topics, and allocation for each of those areas is up for discussion at any given time.
The happiest couples I know are ones who have the tough talk regularly. Is the way you're spending working for everyone? If not, what can be done to change that?
The key is working together, as a couple, to make the finances work for the whole family. Try it. The conversation might be difficult, but it could save your marriage.
Research stresses that open and honest communication is essential to addressing any challenges. By expressing needs, desires, and concerns, couples can work together to navigate difficulties and find mutually satisfying solutions.
So, there are the essential ways to stay obsessed with your partner as you age. I can not repeat enough how important it is to spend time early in your relationship setting a good foundation as a couple.
Learn how to talk about difficult things, like money and intimacy. Put yourselves first over your extended families. Make spending time together a priority. And never stop laughing. Marriage can be wonderful. Do your best to keep it that way.
Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC-based Certified Life Coach who works with individuals who strive to heal their toxic relationships so they can have their happily ever after. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
