The Art Of Subtle Attraction: 7 Ways To Flirt With Someone Without Being Obvious
filadendron | Canva Eyeing the cutie across the room? Learn how to flirt with confidence without being totally obvious. You don't need to know someone to flirt up a storm. Chat him up and make your intentions clear with this advice on flirting with someone you just met.
The best part is these moves feel natural once you get the hang of them. They work whether you're at a party, a coffee shop, or anywhere you spot someone worth talking to. The key is keeping it light and fun so both of you enjoy the interaction instead of feeling awkward or forced.
Here are 7 ways to flirt with someone without being obvious:
1. Adjust your body language
All those witty one-liners won't get you far if your body language doesn't follow suit. Make sure the object of your flirtation can tell that your focus is on him: if you're standing, point your feet towards him, not towards the door like you're getting ready to run out. Sitting? Cross your legs towards him to create a more intimate, one-on-one vibe, especially if you're at a bar or another crowded space.
Your feet naturally point toward people you're interested in, research on attraction shows. Crossing your legs toward someone creates a more intimate feel that signals you want to connect on a deeper level.
2. Smile, genuinely
LDprod / Shutterstock
That smoldering, bedroom eyes look you're flashing him is attractive in your head — to him, you likely just look angry and unapproachable. So flash him a grin instead.
Dating coach Dina Colada says a real smile keeps your outlook positive and can have a ripple effect on the people around you. Single happy people want to connect with other single happy people, so put on a genuine smile instead of an intense stare.
3. Be a copycat
Mirroring — subtly copying his body language, gestures, and facial expressions — can go a long way in creating comfort and intimacy when you've just met someone. Is he leaning over the table with one arm? Crossing his legs? Do the same in a low-key way — this isn't a synchronized event — and you'll suddenly feel more familiar with him.
Subtly mirroring someone's body language builds rapport and makes people feel more connected without them realizing it, one study concluded. This unconscious mimicry creates a sense of similarity that naturally increases attraction between two people.
4. Angle your body in their direction
Don't be afraid to get in his face a little. It's hard to send out flirty vibes if you've got six feet of air between you two. Lean in towards him, take your hands out of your pockets, and don't bother yelling over the music. Encourage him to get closer instead.
Psychologist Antonia Hall explains that standing a bit closer or angling your body in someone's direction signals your interest. Physical proximity is a big giveaway when someone is flirting because it shows you want to create a closer connection.
5. Get a little bit touchy-feely
iona didishvili / Shutterstock
Ease into it: before you start running your hand up his thigh or playing footsie, try grabbing his shoulder (for stability, of course) as you hoist yourself up onto your bar stool. Or graze his back with your hand on your way to the ladies' room. Take note of how he reacts: if he flinches or backs away, he might be uncomfortable.
Research shows touch is one of the most powerful forms of nonverbal communication in flirting. Light touches like a brief arm graze or shoulder tap help you gauge interest and build physical comfort as you get to know someone.
6. Compliment him
No need to gush about how unspeakably hot you find him, but a compliment, even a small one, sends the signal that you're interested in more than just making friends. The compliment itself doesn't matter too much: just try to keep it PG-13. Feeling shy? Give him props on his style. It's not so personal that it'll make you blush, but personal enough that he'll feel flattered.
Dating expert Rachel DeAlto says flirting is all about making someone else feel good with attention and genuine compliments. A sincere compliment signals you're interested in more than just friendship without going overboard.
7. Turn the tables
Playfully accuse him of flirting with you. If he bumps you accidentally while reaching for his drink, laugh and jokingly tell him that he doesn't have to be so nervous around you. Squeezed together like sardines in a crowded bar? Tell him that if he wanted to cop a feel, he could have just said so. A lighthearted approach is key in making him feel flattered, not sleazy.
Playful teasing creates a fun dynamic that stimulates feel-good hormones and fosters attraction, research on flirting has found. The key is keeping your tone lighthearted so the other person feels flattered rather than put on the spot.
Diana Vilibert is a strategic copywriter, editor, and freelance writer whose work has appeared in Cosmopolitan, The New Yorker, Redbook, Paste Magazine, and Self.
