11 Psychological Tricks To Make Your Ex Regret Losing You
Nothing says "I’m over you" like becoming the person they thought they could replace you with.
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock Breakups almost always come with pain, confusion, and more than a little resentment. When someone you care about walks away, it’s completely normal to wish they understood what they've lost. Finding peace and moving on can be challenging until your ex possibly feels even a small part of the emotions you're going through. And the best way to achieve this small revenge is to make them feel sorry they left.
If you’re hoping to make your ex regret leaving you, the key isn't begging, stalking, or falling apart. It's using a few well-thought-out strategies to reclaim your power — and maybe spark a little regret (or better, an apology) along the way. There are a few psychological tricks that can help you do just that.
Here are 11 psychological tricks to make your ex regret losing you:
1. Completely cut off contact with your ex
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Many heartbroken people make the common mistake of staying in touch with an ex after a breakup. But why would anyone continue communicating with a person who abandoned them in the first place? Essentially, there are two explanations: they had an amicable breakup, or they’re still not over their ex. The second scenario is probably more common among couples who were together for an extended period.
Why is this such a big deal? When you maintain contact with a romantic partner who dumped you, they know you’re still on the hook. And when something is easy to get, it loses its attractiveness almost entirely. One research study shows that keeping offline contact with an ex (or even tracking them online, like on Facebook) significantly disrupts emotional recovery and blocks personal growth.
So when you maintain contact with someone who dumped you, you're basically keeping them emotionally in power. And when something is too easy to get, it loses its allure.
2. Stay visible, but unavailable
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So, if you want to make your ex regret dumping you or realize they made a mistake, stop wearing your heart on your sleeve. Otherwise, you risk being a backup plan for them after another romantic failure, and that’s not your ultimate goal.
The less contact you have with your ex right after the split, the better. It applies to phone calls, face-to-face meetings, and texting. But there is one critical nuance — your former partner will forget you faster if you go under the radar.
Instead, you need them to know about the changes in your life, new activities, and friends. Therefore, do not unfriend them on social media, as that is the fastest way to spread the news.
3. Level up your appearance
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Be honest about why you think your ex left you. Maybe you’ve stopped exercising, or you’re wearing pajamas everywhere. Only you know what attracted your partner and why they were fascinated with you in the past. Essentially, any changes for the worse can lead to a breakup. Your partner may say something like, “I don’t recognize you anymore,” or “You’re not the same person I used to date.”
The most common reasons for a breakup are:
- Development of annoying or harmful habits
- Gaining or losing weight
- Flirting with others
- Become inattentive or unsupportive
- Lies and cheating
To bring them back, you can correct specific shortcomings, whether it concerns appearance or behavior (e.g., smoking).
For example, if you’re a guy and want to make a girl regret losing you, the popular solution is to improve your looks by grooming and working out. Likewise, women can upgrade their appearance with haircuts, new clothing, and even tattoos.
A change for the better is not only the best way to make your ex want to get back together, but it will also improve your self-esteem and possibly your health.
4. Stay cool, calm, and collected (even if you don't feel like you are)
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The storm of emotions that arises after a breakup can affect your behavior for a long time. Your task is not to give in. Many people stalk their exes after the breakup. They write them angry messages and emails, call them in the middle of the night, and throw a fit, which is ugly behavior.
If your end goal is to release negative emotions, perhaps this option will bring you relief. But it is unlikely that any person will feel attracted to someone who cannot control their behavior and is clearly insecure. So what should you do, then?
5. Be the mature one and make it obvious you are okay without them
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Let’s say you want to make your ex regret leaving you. Show her how composed and calm you are. Even if you’re not in that place right now, pretend you’re okay. Be careful not to go too far with this game. You don’t want to appear too joyful or agitated when you see your ex on the street.
Studies show that presenting yourself as calm and emotionally stable after a breakup (rather than giving in to intense sadness) can actually help you heal and grow stronger. So when they see you're handling things with maturity, you're not only proving your worth, you're also demonstrating resilience.
You can’t fool your ex into believing that you don’t have any bitterness left. So, if they bring up the breakup topic, use the words “disappointed” or “sorry that it didn’t work out.” Those make it sound as if you thought your relationship would last, but you’re capable of living with your ex’s decision to break up and want to move on with your life.
6. Show success in small (but noticeable) ways
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Don’t worry. You don’t have to win a Nobel Prize to make your ex sorry they dumped you. But becoming more successful than you were is undoubtedly an unexpected turn of events. The self-expansion model shows that when we learn new things, start exciting projects, or develop positive skills, we naturally become more engaging and appealing to others.
Maybe your ex has overlooked something in you - an extraordinary talent, for example. The mystery is attractive, and so is a new job or hobby.
What can you do to appear more successful? First, assess your strengths. For example, you may want to start a small business that you have been putting off for a long time for various reasons. Are you an expert in some areas? If so, try creating a blog and sharing helpful information with your readers. Even a career transition to a more promising one can make your ex regret losing you or cause them to take an interest in your affairs.
How will your ex find out about your achievements? Mutual friends and social media accounts are probably the best options. Your friends will likely mention exciting news to your ex, sometimes purposefully and other times accidentally. Either way, it’ll do the trick.
7. Build a new (and fun) social life
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Another way to make your ex regret letting you go is to find new acquaintances and friends. But at the same time, don’t cut ties with existing friends unless they are toxic.
The older a person is, the more difficult it is for them to let someone into their personal space. If you want to expand your social circle, you can start with your work colleagues. For instance, try reducing the distance with a few nice people from your office and suggest going out for coffee after a working day. If appropriate, take a few photos and post them on social media.
Research involving over 3,700 breakups revealed that individuals who felt happy with their social networks — by nurturing existing relationships and forming new friendships — tended to recover faster and experienced less emotional distress. In other words, building a solid social life helps you heal faster, gain confidence, and inevitably look thoroughly moved-on.
But make sure that your companion doesn’t feel pressure on your part. You should be sincere when forming new friendships and not do it merely to show your ex how remarkably you spend time without them. New friends will bring refreshing experiences and help shift the focus from past relationships to exciting moments of the present.
8. Smile more than they expect
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Your ex is probably sure that you’re crying a river after they have left you. Don’t give them such pleasure. Yes, you’re hurt and humiliated, but your ex doesn’t need to know about it. Try to smile more often. Be friendly and good-natured. At first, you will have to convince yourself or even pretend that everything is fine until it eventually becomes a reality.
You want your ex to believe that you aren’t suffering from the breakup and are living happily without them. How can you achieve that? Many people urgently hunt for a new date to make their former romantic partner jealous. However, it’s not always the best practice.
9. Date when you're ready (not just to make them jealous)
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For instance, if you start dating the first person passing by, your relationship risks ending faster than your ex finds out about it. If you must have someone by your side, make sure you’re comfortable being around them.
Research shows that when people begin new relationships soon after a breakup (once they’re genuinely ready), they experience a boost in self-esteem and a clearer emotional break from their ex. In the study, people who started dating faster reported feeling more confident about their own desirability and experienced a smoother psychological recovery compared to those who took longer to rebound.
If you’re lucky to have found a new person interested in you romantically, it will make your ex jealous and increase your self-esteem. At the same time, if you’re leading a single life, add more color to it. Meet with friends, travel, and join the gym. Let your ex see how wonderful and joyful you feel without them.
10. Start doing things just for you
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You probably think, “How can I enjoy life if I constantly think about my ex and have problems with sleep and concentration?” So here’s a counter-question for you - do you enjoy being in this emotional pit, slowly losing your taste for life?
Your ex wouldn’t want to return to a pathetic version of you. It’s not attractive. You can only make them regret hurting you if you begin enjoying your life.
Likewise, your fast recovery will puzzle your ex and make them feel intrigued. So, maybe it’s time to change your attitude and start leading a fulfilling life again?
11. Detach from your ex fully
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As long as you hold on to the past, you are emotionally dependent on your ex. You create a situation where other people control your feelings. But you need to flip it the other way around. So start enjoying what you do and who you are. Don’t put on a fake show because your ex will quickly see through you. Instead, do something fun - explore new things such as playing the guitar, painting, and hiking.
Research shows that staying attached (even just emotionally) to an ex can slow down your emotional healing and make the breakup more distressing. So, letting go and embracing new interests isn’t just beneficial for your self-esteem; it helps you heal faster and feel better.
Be kind to yourself and learn to see your inner beauty that your ex didn’t notice. Over time, your positive sides will become visible to everyone around you. And if, after that, your ex does not want to return to you, they are not worthy of having you and will never make you happy. So, why should you waste your time on them?
Your life is not a competition, and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. If your primary purpose is to get your ex back, the above tips will eventually bring you to your goal. But make sure that your ex loves you and is not just using you as a convenient fallback while looking for a better option.
If you can’t get them back, stop wasting time and start living for yourself. Once you begin enjoying who you are, you will no longer want to bring back relationships with someone who didn’t appreciate you in the first place.
Natalie Maximets is a life transformation coach with expertise in clinical and existential psychology.
