The Art Of Attachment: 5 Simple Habits Of Women Who Inspire Deep Attachment In Men
They don't chase or cling; they connect.
Filip Rankovic Grobgaard | Canva For most women, the hardest part about their love life isn't meeting or establishing an attraction with men, but rather, it’s creating that deep connection and rush of strong emotions and powerful feelings that move things forward from the casual dating stage toward committed, romantic relationships.
In short, it's understanding the key factors of how to make a guy fall deeply in love with you by first getting him to become emotionally attached. This transition can be a pain point for many women who can’t seem to get past the point of casually dating — and who can't, for the life of them, figure out why.
The reason for this isn't that men are "commitment-phobes," as so many would have you believe. Rather, it’s that a guy just hasn't felt deeply attached to them on an emotional level.
If you're feeling like you're depending on their presence and attention, and constantly obsessing over them, then that's a sign of unhealthy emotional attachment. Healthy emotional attachment is all about spending equal time having fun with your partner, but also on your own.
The two of you share many things in life, but you both also know how to make certain things separate, like having your girlfriend time, or time with family members, and self-care time. Sometimes, alone time away from your partner is good for your mental health as well.
Here are 5 simple habits of women who inspire deep attachment in men:
1. Date him for who he is, not for his potential
Everyone wants to be accepted and loved for who they are, but many women make the mistake of dating a guy for his potential, i.e., the man he could become in five years (with your help, of course).
But men aren’t projects. When you expect a man to change, he feels like you’re not seeing him for who he is. For some men, it could make them feel shame, like they’re not enough. If a guy feels this at the beginning of a relationship, he’ll likely feel anxious and cut and run.
When I've asked happily married men what it was about their wife that made them think, “Yes, she’s the one,” they've often said something along the lines of, "She never tried to change me."
Know what you’re looking for in a guy and find someone who matches that description.
2. Create emotional safety for him
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Creating emotional safety means creating a space where someone can express their thoughts, feelings, and desires without feeling judged. When men refer to a woman as being easy to talk to, they mean that they're able to say things they typically wouldn't share with anyone else, because they know they won't be made to feel judged.
The next time your man is having a bad day, complaining about his frustration with a colleague, or telling you something personal, listen to him without judgment. Know when to fix a problem, when to offer help, and when to simply listen. Sometimes people don’t want their problems fixed; they just want someone to hear them out and for them to feel secure with you.
Men are more likely to feel emotionally safe when their partner actively listens and shows interest in their feelings without immediately trying to fix the problem or becoming critical. Research shows that feeling loved and accepted for who he is encourages him to let his guard down and be his true self.
3. Keep things light and playful
People remember you based on the experiences you share. The more positive and fun experiences you share, the more someone associates those feelings with you.
Men and women have different relationship timelines. Women tend to jump into relationships, eager to define their status and skipping over many of the fun aspects of dating, while men often take a little longer to decide if they want to pursue the relationship further. It's important to keep the beginning of a relationship light and playful, because to a guy, even if he really, really likes you, you're still just dating.
Studies show that playfulness is associated with higher relationship satisfaction, and partners who are similar in their playfulness report more satisfaction. Playfulness is often used to reduce social tension, which can help create a more comfortable and secure environment where a man can feel safe to open up.
4. Be vulnerable
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The fastest way to create emotional intimacy with someone is to drop your guard and show your vulnerability. When you show someone an unfiltered version of yourself, you’re essentially giving them the key to exploring every intimate detail about you, and that's a huge responsibility.
Think of what it feels like when you’ve gained someone’s trust like that. Incredible right? When you show people your vulnerability, you create emotional safety for a guy to do the same.
From a psychological perspective, humans have an innate need to form deep, affectionate bonds and seek security through proximity to attachment figures, research has shown. A partner's sensitive and responsive behavior to the other's needs helps create a secure base within the relationship, which is a core aspect of healthy attachment.
5. Give him space to chase you
One of the most common scenarios I get asked about is what to do when a guy stops chasing you. The answer is often, "Do nothing."
When you're in panic mode, you approach things from a place of fear. I see many women who panic as soon as they think a guy is pulling away. They panic when a guy doesn’t text or call one day, or if he seems a little distant at dinner.
Scared that their man is pulling away, they will overcompensate for his aloofness by trying to take control of the relationship. They'll start calling the guy, make all the plans, and generally attempt to lead the relationship where they want it to go.
When this happens, it causes a role reversal, and without either one consciously realizing it, the guy becomes the one being chased. This shift in dynamic is one many men aren't comfortable with, and so when faced with this situation, they tend to withdraw even more. Give the guy you're falling for the space to chase you. When you create a life you love, you create a life he wants to be part of.
Iona Yeung is a dating and relationship coach who works with single women to identify their roadblocks in dating, attract the good guys, and communicate from a space of love and clarity.
