You'll Regret Making These 3 Huge Mistakes During Your Divorce

Divorce affects more than just the former couple.

Couple arguing in front of their child - YuriArcurs | Canva

You just filed for divorce and you're feeling overwhelmed. After being married for so many years, getting used to the idea that you're no longer together is hard. You try detaching yourself from the situation in the hopes that it'll help you move on, but you know that the reality is that your ex will always be around because of your kids. You argue constantly, which just succeeds in reminding you why you're getting a divorce in the first place.


When you're caught up in the moment, it's easy to forget that your divorce doesn't just affect you, but your kids as well. That's what makes having an amicable divorce that much more crucial. Authors John Gray and Charles J. Orlando, Former Relationship Help Doctor Rhoberta Shaler, Shannon Rios Paulsen LMFT, and Jennifer Maddox LCSW  discuss different mistakes that you must avoid making at all costs. Protect your kids from going through an even more heartbreaking experience.

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Don't make these 3 huge mistakes during your divorce:

1. Take responsibility for your marriage ending

Shannon stresses that you must hold yourself accountable for what happened between the two of you. She says "When you're not responsible, you play the blame game. [...] Well, you have to bring it to yourself and say 'What was my role in this?' Because if you don't do that, you can't learn, you can't grow, you can't create the next level best relationship."


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2. Don't ever bash your ex, especially in front of the kids

We know it's incredibly tempting to lash at your ex about every grievance during your marriage, but it'll only hurt you and your kids in the end. John raises the excellent point that "it's hard to say nice things about [your ex but] you have to be motivated too. And the motivation is your children. [...] You look at these innocent little children, and half of that child is daddy, and [the other half] is mommy."

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3. Constantly arguing puts your kids in a tough spot

You may think that you're being subtle, but your kids can sense when something's not right. Don't ever put them in the awkward position of having to listen to you two fight. There are countless other mistakes that couples often make when getting a divorce that could just as easily be avoided. 

@myradenman 3 Tips to help your kids get through the divorce more peacefully and ease their overwhelm #divorce #divorcequestions #divorcecoach #parentinganddivorce #kidsanddivorce #divorceparent ♬ original sound - • Myra Denman •

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Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert best known as the author of the acclaimed relationship book series, The Problem with Women… is Men. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor, provided urgent and ongoing care for relationships in crisis for more than 30 years. She was also the host of the Save Your Sanity Podcast. Jennifer Maddox is a Licensed Psychotherapist, a Reiki Master, a certified Conscious Connected Breathwork Facilitator, and an author. Shannon Rios Paulsen, MS LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has specialized in families of divorce and conflict since 2003. Dr. John Gray is a leading relationship expert whose books, including Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus have sold over 50 million copies in 50 languages in 150 countries. He helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships.