Why Your Ex Moved On So Fast After Your Breakup

It's pretty simple, but probably not what you think.

woman laying in bed after a breakup Gladskikh Tatiana / Shutterstock

You’ve just come out of a relationship because your ex decided to end things. It’s been rough and you can barely drag yourself out of bed without feeling like screaming, crying, and throwing up.

So, picture your surprise when you decide to take a peek at your ex’s Instagram only to discover they’re already in a new relationship. The feelings of fury and betrayal hit hard.

So, why do people do this? Why did your ex move on so fast after your breakup?


Counselor Kim Polinder dives into the real reason why — and it’s not what you think.

@kp_counseling108 Thinking about breaking up or reconciling? Join my workshop next Saturday to learn tools for how to process the decision of breaking up or grieving a relationship. Link in my bio! Workshop starts at 11am PT/2pm ET. If you can’t make that time, register and you’ll receive a link to the replay. Everyone in my membership community gets free access! Hope to see you there! To work with me in an affordable way, join my private membership community where you’ll get access to ALL past and current workshops, weekly live Q&A for members only, exclusive video Q&A not posted on social media, journal prompts, and live chats with me to address any other challenges you’re working through. Link in bio - https://beacons.ai/kimpolinder #couplescounseling #marriagecounseling #maritalcounseling #marriagetherapy #marriagecoach #couplestherapist #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach #datingadvice #gottman #communicationskills #conflictresolution #groupcounseling #groupcoaching #groupcoachingonline #workshop #personalgrowth #therapist #lifecoach #breakup #breakups #breakingup #divorce ♬ original sound - Kim Polinder

Why Your Ex Moved On So Fast After Your Breakup

When you find out your ex has moved on, there’s probably a whirlwind of thoughts running through your mind. You might be wondering if they ever cared in the first place, or if you were just a placeholder for them.


Polinder says, “The answer is that they started mourning the relationship weeks or months before they talked to you about it.”

RELATED: There's Only One Reason A Guy Ever Lets A Woman Go

As your ex slowly pulled away they began to question if that relationship was right for them. If they decided it wasn’t, then they were checked out long before the relationship ended.

However, there’s a problem with this.

Polinder explains, “The problem is many people do not include their partner in these types of internal dialogs.”

And because of this, the person they left is in a state of shock and confusion. Not only is this immature, but it creates unnecessary pain and suffering.


In an ideal world, a person would have a conversation with you before deciding to end things. They would see if there’s any way to resolve the issues in the relationship, or, at the very least, give the other person the decency and respect they deserve.

Unfortunately, this isn't an ideal world, and the reality is most people hate confrontations. And most people will keep their problems to themselves until they implode and break up with you.

So, as tough as it may be, the best thing you can do is move on and heal from the hurt you’re now experiencing.

RELATED: 5 Honest Reasons People Keep Breaking Up With You

But how do we heal from a broken heart? Where do we even start? Licensed social worker Tonya Lester discusses the two ways you can begin getting over your ex.


2 Ways To Get Over An Ex

1. Distraction and reflection are your best friends.

One of the best ways to get over a breakup is to distract yourself. I know it’s tempting to just wallow in bed, but that won’t help in the long run.

Lester suggests, “Structure your days so you have time for both distraction and reflection. Make time for the feelings to come without trying to suppress them.”

Keep yourself busy by working out or getting into a new hobby. Try to write or paint whenever you feel those awful emotions.

But just like anything in life, there needs to be a balance. Give yourself time to grieve throughout the day.

Cry about it, scream about it, vent in your journal about how much of a jerk they are. But once that’s done, get back to distracting yourself.


2. Focus on other relationships.

The best way to heal is to rely on your other relationships for support.

Lester adds, “Good lives are built on meaningful relationships. When one relationship ends, other connections can busy you and remind you that love still exists in your life.”

Schedule a date night with your friends and have a girl's night out. FaceTime your best friend at night and screen share a scary movie. Or have a family night with your siblings and parents!


The idea is to put your energy into relationships that lift you and inspire you.

Getting over an ex is never easy. Not only do you lose your partner, but in many cases, you lose a best friend too.

Having to rewrite your life, you’re now left to figure things out and pick up the pieces. So, be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time and grace to heal.

RELATED:  6 Steps Women Who End Up Happier After A Breakup Never Skip During The Healing Process

Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.