To Find Out If Your Marriage Is Over, Answer These 3 Questions

Stop playing emotional ping-pong about your decision.

Last updated on Apr 15, 2024

Woman crying twirling her wedding ring on dining table Ron Lach | Pexels 

One of the most challenging questions you’ll ever ask yourself is, "Is my marriage over?" It’s rarely a simple yes or no that you can confidently offer as a response. With the indecision, you’re also stressing about making the right decision. And that, unfortunately, is unlikely to happen with all these thoughts and emotions swirling around!

Let’s look at the question, "Is my marriage over?" from a different perspective. But, before we do, you need to calm your mind and body down just a bit. So, take a deep breath or as many as it takes to relax.


OK, the truth is you have three options here instead of just the two you’ve been worrying about.

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To find out if your marriage is over, ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Can you stay where you are in all the uncertainty and stress?

If you’re OK with the status quo and living your life like this, then this is what you should choose to do.

sit and think is my marriage overPhoto: Marcos Mesa via Shutterstock


2. Is your gut telling you divorce is the right choice?

Choosing divorce might sound simple or even like you’re taking the easy road, but, trust me, there’s nothing easy about divorce.

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3. Can you give your marriage everything you’ve got?

Give it your all until the correct decision is obvious. This doesn’t mean you just figure out what to do on your own. It means you exhaust every option you can think of, including talking with people who have made their marriage work for the long haul, going to counseling or coaching together, reading books and articles on making marriage work, talking with people who have gotten divorced, and getting individual counseling or coaching.

There are some situations when you should immediately choose to divorce, but thankfully, people dealing with those situations usually already know they need to end their marriage. You’ll struggle with this question.


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"Is my marriage over?" is a highly emotionally charged question. Your emotions ping-pong around upset, sadness, fear, worry, nostalgia, and a whole host of others as you struggle to figure out your answer. And when your emotions are so strongly engaged, it’s almost impossible to think clearly.



The stakes are high when you begin asking this question. You’re facing a fork in the road. You think, either you stay or you go. There’s no in-between. Although you’re asking, "Is my marriage over?", the truth is your answer will impact many more people than just you. Your spouse and kids (and pets) will be affected by your choice. But so will your family, your spouse’s family, and your friends. It’s a whole lot of people to consider.


This third option isn’t easy when you consider the effort involved, but it’s the only way you’ll know with certainty you’re making the correct decision for you and your family. Once you know that, you will be able to honestly answer, "Is my marriage over?" and proceed with your decision without a second thought.

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Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach. Her writing on marriage, divorce, and co-parenting has appeared on MSN, Yahoo, Psych Central, Huffington Post, Prevention, and The Good Men Project, among others.