9 Things You Definitely Shouldn't Do After A Breakup

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couples breaking up

It finally happens to you. You meet a cute guy, maybe at a bar or your favorite bookstore, and he asks for your number.

You go on incredible dates, and he gets along with all your friends. The next obvious choice is to make it official, which he does. And you think life couldn't get any better.

And then, seemingly out of the blue, he dumps you.

And it's some lousy excuse like he needs to find himself or you two just aren't a fit anymore.

Even though the way he broke up with you was cheesy, you're still hurt, and it's valid. Breakups suck, and sometimes you make mistakes in the process of getting over him.

RELATED: 5 Ways You're Better Off After Having Your Heart Broken

Here are 9 things you definitely shouldn't do after a breakup:

1. Pretend you're fine

Let yourself mourn. Cry. Punch a pillow. Journal. Surround yourself with friends who listen.

The temptation may be to pretend you're unaffected by the breakup; don't let pride get in the way of being real. You don't have to sob at the office, but take some quiet moments to reflect and be honest with yourself. It's okay to be angry, hurt or humiliated. It's healthier to express yourself honestly than grow numb.

2. Try to be "just friends"

Very rarely can a breakup lead to a solid friendship, and until you're okay with the idea of your ex dating someone new—and vice versa—you're not ready to be pals.

Create intentional space for a while and let yourself mourn the end of the relationship. If your ex is pushing for friendship, stand your ground if you're uncomfortable with the idea. Right now, you're not looking for a friend who looks exactly like the person who broke your heart.

3. Seek revenge

Don't key his car, kidnap his cat, or destroy his stuff. And never, ever do something that could land you in legal trouble. (If you share the lease, deal with it like responsible adults. Don't lock him out.)

The thrill of revenge only feeds bitterness and hatred. You may have been deeply wronged, but "getting even" won't heal any wounds. Forgive and move on. Carry your head high and spend your energy on people who deserve it.

What helped you heal after a breakup? What advice would you give others going through the process?

RELATED: If Your Ex Comes Crawling Back, It's For One Of These 4 Reasons

4. Communicate. In any format

You broke up last week, but you still "have thoughts" you want to process with the ex. You pick up your phone. Something makes you laugh on your way to work. Your first instinct? Text your ex about it. Don't.

There will be times when it's important to communicate with an ex. Maybe you need to return his things. Maybe you have to deal with a shared lease or pet custody. Resist the urge, however, to call or text whenever you would have when you were still dating.

Breakups create voids. Ask a close friend if you can call him/her every time you would usually reach out to your ex. Recruit a support system of friends and family to help you fill the time normally spent with a significant other. Many people feel lost after a breakup; not because they miss their ex, but because so many of their daily habits once revolved around someone else. Give yourself some time to adapt to single life.

5. Beg for reconciliation

Yes, dogs can get away with begging. But you can't. Maybe you don't understand why it ended. Maybe you think it ended for the wrong reasons. Maybe you'd just rather be in a bad relationship than be in no relationship at all. Instead of clinging to lost hope, find a wise friend who can help you walk through the reasons why you're having a hard time letting go.

Don't beg for him/her to return. Deep down, you know that you don't want to be in a relationship with someone you had to beg to be with you. Besides, if your ex rejects you a second time, it won't just hurt; the rejection will sting with extra humiliation and regret.

6. Sleep together

Don't do it. No woman on her deathbed says, "I really wish I slept with my ex-husband one last time." Let the break be clean.

RELATED: 11 Psychological Tricks To Make Your Ex Regret Losing You

7. Facebook-stalk your ex

Social media can be dangerous when dealing with heartache. Give yourself two rules: Don't post anything about the breakup drama online, no matter how vague, and resist the urge to stalk your ex. "Defriending" or at least hiding statuses can help you avoid the constant temptation to check in and see if your ex is living a life more miserable—or worse, more awesome—than yours.

8. Get a haircut—or tattoo

Make no drastic changes for a while. It's easy to make rash decisions post-breakups. One major change in your life can inspire even more change. If you have a tattoo-design epiphany in the days following heartache, wait a few months before acting on it. Wait until you're emotionally back on your feet.

Hair grows back but be warned: a bad bowl cut can hurt your already-bruised confidence. Don't kick yourself when you're down.

9. Give up

She wasn't the one. He made you feel like nothing. Don't let a breakup destroy hope. Continue taking care of yourself. Take some time to refocus and pursue the things you've always loved to do. Spend time with loved ones. Love isn't a one-shot-only experience.

Learn what you can from the relationship that just ended and moves forward. Don't give up on meeting your perfect match. Be thankful that the wrong relationship ended to free you up for the right one.

RELATED: How To Get Your Ex Back After Breaking Up (Without Looking Desperate)

Eharmony is an online dating site dedicated to helping people find true love that comes with a lasting relationship.

This article was originally published at eHarmony. Reprinted with permission from the author.