The Sad Reason It Took Me Four Tries To Leave My Husband

I wasn’t thinking about leaving; I was definitely leaving.

"It’s lonely being married to you," I said. "I dream about meeting someone who will really care about me one day."

This was a really nice way of saying, "I’m tired of being mistreated."

I never married the man I dated for nearly six years. My college sweetheart was my adult nightmare. He completely changed.

I wish I had run.

I wish I hadn’t allowed him to talk me into staying.

Honestly, I didn’t think I would ever feel the same way about him.

Technically, this was his second chance. I had left after eight years of marriage. I packed up our toddlers and moved in with my sister.

I’m shaking my head even now.

Why do we stay long after the close?

Why did I go against my better instincts?

I knew I needed to get out of this relationship. It’s why I left the first time.

Once we were married, our relationship manifested into an abusive cycle. Things would be great for months and then twice a year all hell would break loose.

I would cry for weeks and not little itty bitty tears.

But a ravenous emotional hurricane that left my eyes swollen shut.

I’m not stupid nor am I a doormat.

Obviously, a man shouldn’t make a woman cry. Let alone, for weeks on end until she finally surrenders and picks herself up, and moves on.

There would be no resolution, just months where he lay emotionally dormant until it occurred again.

It’s unbelievable but he never made me cry while we were dating.

It’s why I gave him a second chance the first time I left.

He was on his best behavior for six years. I’ll never completely know why. I felt like I had my best friend back.

When the pattern re-emerged I was not sticking around. I had never signed up for this man.

Why did I stay ten years longer?

He spent two years winning me back and I believed him.

But as my friend always says, "A leopard doesn’t change its spots."

I’m not alone. It’s not because I’m a woman. There are plenty of men who stay long past when they first thought to leave. But no one talks about it. We try and cover up our marital problems.

We hide them from the world.

We invest so much of ourselves doing so, we lose sight of the danger.

We ignore our instincts.

We are smarter than this, not one of us but all of us. But relationships are hard to leave. No one warns us they get even more difficult to escape the longer we remain in unhealthy situations.

I was strong when I left the first time.

I was devastated but I was young and feisty. No one was going to treat me this way.

I wouldn’t tolerate it. I deserved better and I knew it. I understood how emotionally abusive his behavior was.

I was strong when I left the second time.

It was two strikes and you’re out. I refused to revisit the unhealthy cycle our relationship revolved around the first eight years of our marriage.

I had broken the code. I had not married the guy I dated. No more chances. I was out.

I was not particularly strong when I left the third time.

The Sad Reason It Took Me Four Tries To Leave My Husband

Why it took me so long to leave.

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