The Real Reason You Can't Move On
If you've gotten stuck on your healing journey, understanding this is vital.
F01 PHOTO / Shutterstock You've been on your healing journey for a while now, and things are going okay. I mean, you've separated from your toxic relationships, sure. But despite that, you don't feel fully healed.
Why is that? Why can't you just move on and find or do better for yourself? What's truly holding you back in life and preventing you from becoming your best self?
Psychologist Dr. Aria Campbell Danesh discusses the real reason why moving on from hurt is just so difficult.
The Real Reason You Can't Move On
When you go through a breakup or cut ties with a toxic family member, it's normal to go through a period of grief.
It's normal to mourn what you once had, and understandably, this period can be tough to get through. However, this pain is meant to be felt.
But most people don't want to feel this pain and so, what do we do? We suppress our emotions and ignore our hurt.
Because as Dr. Danesh says, "The pain of losing someone you love is unlike anything else." And it can feel like a knife to the heart that can take years to heal through.
But as Dr. Danesh says, "The first step in healing though is creating space for the pain. For the sadness, the anger, the regret, the disappointment."
And it's only when we feel these emotions that we begin to heal and move forward. However, what happens if we suppress them instead? Is that really such a bad thing?
Why Suppressing Your Emotions Hurts You
Listen, there are moments when you need to suppress your emotions. When someone cuts in line or gets your order wrong, it's unwise to lose it and start wreaking havoc because you're angry. Yes, emotional suppression is necessary sometimes.
But we shouldn't forget that in the same breath, our emotions are meant to be felt as well. That our emotions are a safeguard meant to keep us from harm.
That uneasy feeling you get while crossing the street at night or that gut feeling you get when something is amiss — all of these feelings help to keep us safe.
And according to licensed clinical social worker Katherine Cullen, suppression of emotions leads to higher stress levels and an increase in heart disease and hypertension. But that's not all.
She continues, "Because a major function of emotions is to communicate our internal states with others, it's also no surprise that individuals who suppress their emotions feel less socially connected and satisfied with their friends." All of this combined, can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders.
So, what should you do instead? You don't always have to verbally express your emotions, as it can be intimidating. However, you do at the very least need to learn how to accept them.
Cullen writes that accepting means acknowledging their presence. It means softening our resistance and using this emotion to figure out what it is we need.
And don't get me wrong, this won't be easy. However, with dedication, practice, and consistency, you'll slowly begin to heal and move forward in the right direction.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.