People Who Are Slowly Detaching From A Friendship Almost Always Say 6 Phrases
DedMityay / Shutterstock It’s not always easy to tell the difference between a friend who is going through a tough time and one who is quiet-quitting the friendship. Lots of friends don't speak with each other every day as it is, so it may be more difficult to catch the subtle shifts in communication that would clue you in to what is happening.
Someone who is either busy with other things or frustrated with the friend in question may prefer to let the friendship slowly slip away rather than have a blow-out fight or end it abruptly. In either scenario, they will often say things as they detach themselves that hint at what is really going on.
If someone is slowly detaching from a friendship, they'll usually start saying these phrases
1. ‘Maybe another time’
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Someone who isn’t interested in maintaining a friendship may not set clear boundaries or have a clear breakup speech ready. Instead, they quietly disengage. They stop responding to text messages. They start canceling plans and not reaching out first to make new ones.
They'll also say something like “maybe another time,” instead of “I don’t think I want to spend time together anymore.” They may not even be ready for a clean break or prepared to leave a relationship fully, but the lack of effort speaks for itself.
2. ‘A lot has happened’
Someone who’s detaching from a friend they have been close to may stop sharing personal details with them. Suddenly, the friendship doesn’t feel like a safe space for them to express their vulnerable emotions and experiences.
They may use this phrase when they do finally see the friend they’ve been avoiding, but it’s clear that they’ve been intentionally choosing to disengage. Much like in romantic relationships, where this kind of disengagement is often a clear sign you've reached a point of no return that would be hard to heal, it’s similarly destructive in platonic friendships.
3. ‘I’ve just been really busy’
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It’s often easier to make constant excuses when you’re unsure about the state of a friendship than to confront their true feelings and the hard decisions you therefore have to make. Saying you've been really busy is a way to compensate for not reaching out first or not responding to text messages, and while it seems somewhat harmless, it can be telling.
Yes, our friends can fall out of touch when they’re struggling, but sometimes, their disengagement runs deeper than that. Especially when you are together, and one person isn't making an effort to ask questions that make the other feel heard and seen, they’re probably not interested in maintaining the friendship for much longer.
4. ‘Who else is going?’
When someone is struggling with a friendship, it can affect the energy of any social gatherings they're at together. We tend to unknowingly adopt specific roles in group settings, and when one person is disconnected or disengaged, everyone else feels it. Sometimes, it’s even more obvious than in a one-on-one conversation.
You may also notice a friend is drifting away by how comfortable they are in one-on-one settings. The comfort of having other people around may be their way of hiding from the fate of the doomed friendship or distracting themselves from how superficial your interactions are getting.
5. ‘I’m just tired’
Many friends who are starting to drift away from each other will use excuses like saying they're incredibly tired to avoid the real problem they’re facing. However, superficial conversations and withholding the emotions they don't want to share can also drain their emotional energy.
Instead of feeling better and more energized after spending time together, each person feels drained and overlooked. These friends tend to drift apart eventually because, as life gets busy and they have to be choosy with their priorities, these draining interactions become too taxing to spend time on.
6. ‘I just need some alone time’
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It’s perfectly healthy, and necessary even, for people to take space away from social settings and relationships to invest in themselves. However, if isolating themselves from a friendship becomes the norm, and the other person consistently feels like they aren't a priority, that could be a sign that someone is intentionally drifting away.
It’s a lot easier, at least to someone who struggles with the kindness of direct communication, to ghost them or drift away silently than to actually break off the friendship in a clear, direct way.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
