Heartbreak

Here's An Open Letter To The One I Used To Call A Best Friend

Photo: bondart / Shutterstock
best friends embracing

By Sara Ata

My dear best friend,

I know things are different.

We are not that close anymore, but in my mind, I still call you my best friend. That’s who you are to me, even though it’s not what my actions prove.

That’s who you have always been to me.

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We don’t talk anymore, we don’t have late night conversations, and we no longer see each other whenever we want. Truthfully, we barely even know anything about each other anymore.

However, you have always been the first and only person I run to.

You’re the first and only person I share and celebrate my achievements with. You’re the only one I’ve ever shed my tears with.

You were my only shelter. Your heart was my only habitat, your laughter was my only relief, your burdens were mine as well, your pain was the only source of grief in my life.

I’ve always wanted to push you forward in life, to plan and shape your future with you. I’ve always wanted to conquer all your demons, which kept you from being who you want to be.

I wanted to be beside you, feeling your success like it was mine and not yours. Now, all I really long for is just one happy conversation with you.

When you left, I figured out how hard surviving is and how hard my life would be once you were out of it. No calls, no random texts, no car rides, no comfort, only immense loneliness.

My dearest friend, I didn’t choose to live my dull moments alone.

So, forgive me if I sometimes talk to you in my head. I may even ask you about how to act in a certain situation, or predict your opinion in a time of need.

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My mind can’t handle the fact that my other half has vanished, and I’m stuck here, shattered. You left me when I needed you the most. I feel trapped and can’t get back to functioning without you.

You were my world and beyond, everything I knew and can’t forget, everything I lost.

You used to call me your best friend.

At first, I didn’t actually believe it but, over time, it turned out to be the truest thing I knew. Even though you are no longer here, long gone and with other people, your soul can still keep mine company.

It revisits to tell me that I’m not alone and that I need to stand my ground.

I wish I could tell you about my day, share daily details, and gossip with you. I even save some humorous posts to my phone, hoping that one day, I will be able to share everything with you once again.

The things we used to do together don’t feel the same when I do them by myself. The people I sit and laugh with don’t look the same when you are not here. Words I used to say to you I can’t say to anyone else.

My friend, I still love you. I still long for our friendship that once was extraordinary and invincible.

Yours truly,

Your former best friend

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Sara Ata is a writer and former contributor to Unwritten. Her work focuses on relationships, dating, and heartbreak.

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This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.