An Open Letter To My "Friends" Who Sided With My Abusive Ex

You know what he did and you still chose him.

sad woman eldar nurkovic / Shutterstock

Dear "Friends",

I had the best intentions of writing a heartfelt letter about how I love you all very much and wish each and every one of you well, and while both those things are still true — still, screw you.

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Without a shadow of a doubt, everyone knows who I am as a mother, a wife, and a woman.

All of you know the close-knit family I came from, the morals I had as a wife, and the strength I have as a mother who watched your children every week for years while you all were at work.


One of you even told me that I was the best mother you had ever known. And that’s why you pleaded with me for weeks to take on the responsibility of watching your infant son for eight hours a day on top of caring for my own two children for fifty bucks a day.

The extra income was incredibly beneficial for my family and me. Thank you.

It was an honor to hold your baby boy in my arms for those two years, calm his cries, and rock him to sleep while you were both at work.

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Yet, not one of you dared to be by my side or stand up for me when I was howling in heartache and could have used some support.


Instead, you kicked me when I was down.

When sh*t hit the fan, you empathized with my abuser because let’s admit it — it was easier than showing some courage and integrity and questioning what the hell was actually going on.

To my one specific “friend” who knew the gritty details long before, offered her home to my kids and me as a safe haven, and in the end, sent me a nasty text message about how out of line I was for divorcing my ex-husband: Screw you. You were out of line.

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I hate to break it to you all, but I am still the same person you knew this whole time. You know me. My ex, your long-time friend — is the fraud; how you don’t see that I will never understand.


Wait, let me guess, I was the abusive and emotionally unstable one. I was cheating on him while he was at work, and I was at home with the kids. I was controlling, manipulative, full of rage, and spent all the money on myself.

Give me a break.

Good riddance to all of you.

Everything but that last part is a lie. I kept the kids for three weeks under the direct order of my attorney during a messy custody battle, and I would do it again in half a heartbeat if I thought my kids were not safe.

That’s all I ever want: for my kids to be okay. So, yeah, when it came to my kids, maybe I was controlling. But that’s neither here nor there now.

In closing, thank you for being a part of my life for the last twenty years. Thank you for the laughs and the memories. I love every single one of you as much as I did before the divorce — but screw you, too.


“There’s a time that I remember,

when I did not know no pain

When I believed in forever,


everything would stay the same

Now my heart feels like December

when someone says your name…” — Adam Levine

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Divina Grey is a writer and mother. Follow her on Medium for more.