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Man Asks If He's Wrong For Leaving His Girlfriend & Baby After She Got Pregnant Knowing He Never Wanted To Be A Dad

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pregnant woman holding her belly

A man took to Reddit to ask for advice after refusing to stay with his girlfriend and care for their baby.

Posting to the subreddit "r/AITAH," he revealed that despite not wanting children, his girlfriend went behind his back and refused to listen to his preference.

The man refuses to be a part of his child's life after his girlfriend knowingly got pregnant despite him not wanting to be a dad.

In his Reddit post, he explained that he never had a desire to be a father. As the oldest of six children, he spent most of his childhood in the role of a parent and taking care of his younger siblings. 

When he began dating his ex-girlfriend in 2017, he made sure to stress that he didn't want children and had no plans of becoming a dad. At first, she was fine with his preference but at some point during the COVID-19 pandemic, she began having baby fever and told him that she wanted to have a child of her own.

"She admitted it probably happened because both her sister and best friend had their babies between late 2020 and mid-2021. She said she didn't think she wanted to be a mom until then and her mind couldn't change back," he wrote in his post.

man leaves girlfriend and their baby because he didnt want to be a fatherPhoto: RDNE Stock project / Pexels

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He told his ex-girlfriend that if having children was something she felt strongly about then they should probably break up so she could find a partner that actually wanted to have children and start a family. She agreed, and the two decided to take a break before she eventually asked if they could get back together.

She told him that she had some time to think. and while she still wanted to be a mother, she was fine with not having children right now. However, once they got back together, she eventually told him that she was pregnant and the baby was his.

"It's mine and she's not getting an abortion. I asked how and she admitted she'd been off her [birth control] for some time," he recalled. "I was furious. She had our baby earlier this year and I just can't do it. I never wanted to be a dad."

He told her that he didn't want to stay around but would provide child support and any other financial support that she would need for the baby. Now, he claimed that he looks like the "deadbeat dad" who doesn't want to be a part of his child's life, but admitted that he truly has no desire to be a father in the first place.

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The majority of people agreed that his ex shouldn't have gone off birth control without telling him first.

"She lied and coerced you into an expensive lifelong commitment," one Reddit user wrote. "I’d leave for that alone. She knew how you felt. Unfortunately, her selfishness now means her child will suffer the consequences... You should pay your child support but under the circumstances that’s all she should expect from you."

Another user added, "It’s not the baby's fault that your [girlfriend] trapped you. I hope for the child’s sake that you’ll reconsider and have a relationship but you’re not wrong to feel this way. You were very clear about not wanting children. Your girlfriend manipulated you and it backfired."

While it was incredibly dishonest for this man's girlfriend to knowingly get off birth control without saying anything, especially because of how strongly she knew he felt about not wanting to have children, it also takes two to make a baby.

man leaves girlfriend and their baby because he didnt want to be a fatherPhoto: Kampus Production / Pexels

If someone feels that strongly about not having children and is having an active sex life, then it's not just up to the woman to take birth control, but also a man's responsibility to practice safe sex and always use a condom.

It's understandable that he would be furious after making it clear that he didn't want children, but contraception is something that should be split between both parties in a relationship.

The decision to stay out of his child's life is his choice to make alone, and no one has the right to try and convince him otherwise; however, there is always a shared responsibility when bringing a child into this world. 

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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.