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Find out when you should and shouldn't end your relationship.
By Lori Peters — Written on Apr 22, 2022
Deciding whether or not to end a relationship often is one of the hardest things you'll ever do — you may even end up doing it multiple times in a lifetime. Even thinking about it can be gut-wrenching. You feel your stomach coming into your throat like you just smelled four-day-old sushi.
You sit alone and weigh the pros and cons, spend hours texting and talking with your people about the reasons to stay — or go. You contemplate like the statue of The Thinker, pondering life's biggest questions and hoping for the answer to magically implant itself into your brain.
It's crucial to learn how to know when to break up and when to stay.
Before we take the leap into the world of single versus together, please understand that any physical or mental abuse is absolutely unacceptable. Grab your stuff and get out of there ASAP, and don’t let the door hit you in the rear.
There is no place for that behavior as you are worthy of beautiful love and staying behind will eventually suck the life out of you. Plus, it's very dangerous to you and any others who are in this person's presence.
5 Legit Reasons To End A Relationship — And 5 Reasons Not To
1. He's just not that into you.
A great book and a movie — and a strong reason to get out. How do you know? By looking at the way he treats you.
Is he the guy who is always there during your time of need and not just the fun times? Does he treat you like the beautiful woman you are and show the world that he cares for you? Does he do the little things that make your life better?
If it's been a while and he considers you and he just casual, then you gotta go. Unless that's what you want too.
2. He's a game player.
These are such fun guys to deal with. They take you out and act as if they adore you and then don’t communicate with you for several days. When he sees you again, he acts like nothing is wrong. Because you happen to be in front of him, he will lead you on with words like, "We should get together again or I'll meet up with you tomorrow night."
You anxiously wait as this happens time and time again and you have no idea what to think. He's just having fun with you — and everyone else.
But he's so sexy; he's so hot. Sure he is but is this how you want to spend your time? Maybe someday he will grow up, but for now, it's over. Besides, you'll probably find your man long before he straightens up — if he ever does.
Player's gonna play — time to get away.
3. He never admits you're dating.
Oh, this guy. I've met him — and dated him too. You've hung out, more than a few times. You've probably slept together too. You've had fun with him, the sex was good, and spent time with a few of his friends and even know a few family members.
However, he blows off any sign of commitment. It's been months and what do you get back from him? "She's cool. She's a nice girl. I'm not ready."
Oh, he wants you around. After all, he needs you in bed at his leisure and he knows you'll be there to satisfy him on his terms.
Think of Annie and Ted from the movie Bridesmaids. Ted says to her, "You know it’s getting really late. You should probably go. I’m gonna miss you so much." Then he rolls over to fall asleep.
How about this? When he is ready, he can take his chances and contact you. You'll already be out there living a great life and knowing that you're worthy of a man not only admitting that he's your boyfriend but clamoring to be your boyfriend.
4. He breaks up with you but still wants the benefits.
You had a wonderful relationship for a long time. One day he destroys your soul stating that he needs time to himself, to focus on his career, to grow up, to help his family, to clean his car out — the list goes on and on.
Let me be clear. When a man is in love with you, he will not break up with you over those things. He cannot imagine being without you, especially during the tough times. He wants and needs your support and you are never a bother to him or have ever held him back from doing anything.
What he does want is to hang out and sleep with you every once in a while. This is confusing because you're not sure if he still really loves you and wants to get back together or not.
However, eventually, you will know the answer because he continues to keep you on the hook. Don't waste your time. I know you loved each other at one point, and this is a hard one, but it's over my friend.
5. Your major life desires just don’t match.
He wants kids and you don't. He's adamant about living on the West Coast and you're a Jersey girl who will never move very far from family. He wants to live in a tent on the ocean and you want the white picket fence.
Always see if there is a happy medium first. Maybe you live in one place and visit the other several times a year. You may even decide that one child will work for you.
If these issues are not resolvable, then you both owe it to yourselves to find the one that matches your vision of the future. It's a tough lesson but love alone is just not enough.
So that was horrible to hear, right? However, there actually are times when you could and should continue to stay in your relationship.
But how do you know?
Here are some tips to follow that will help you decide to try it out for a bit longer:
1. You think he's not your type but he treats you like gold.
Keep at it a bit longer. The good ones will grow on you and you deserve them as much as they deserve you.
2. He's always there for you and shows you how much he loves you in so many ways but the passion seems to be waning.
Couples hit ruts often so discuss how to beef up your love life. You both might just need some change in the sack versus leaving him for good.
3. Your lives are moving in different directions.
This is a tough one but before you throw your love out the window, you may just need some better communication skills. You may not like to do the same things all the time but make sure you at least have a few things in common.
Be very open to supporting each other's passion, even if it doesn't interest you. It's OK to not be twins— you should each have your own interests anyway.
4. You have your disagreements but you solve them in a healthy way that allows resolutions to the problem.
There are just those times that you won’t agree. You can't leave every time there is a fight. It always comes down to finding out where you do agree and treating each other with respect.
If you can successfully work through the issues and you don't have blow-outs constantly, then you are on your way to growing as a couple and into an even better person.
5. You met at the wrong time in life.
Yes, you may have to cut things off for a while but it doesn't mean forever. You just got out of a relationship and you still need to process it and grieve before jumping back into the deep end again. Take time to get your heart and mind ready before you end up rebounding a great guy right out of your life.
Whether you believe you should leave him or not, the most important person is you. Do you love and respect yourself as well as your partner? Are you aware of what you deserve and able to provide what a partner also needs?
Deep down, you know the answer to what's best for you in the long run. It just depends on if you're ready to listen or not.
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Lori Peters is an author, professional speaker, and college instructor. Her passion is to help others create more happiness in their loving relationships. Check out her new book, Getting Married at Last— My Journey from Hopelessness to Happiness.