How To Know If Someone Went Through Your Phone, According To Reddit

Photo: Branislav Nenin / Shutterstock
woman looking through phone next to sleeping man

Snooping at texts and other apps on your girlfriend or boyfriend's phone is never, ever, ever a good idea.

When you're dating someone and they leave their most vulnerable devices anywhere in your presence unattended for even one moment, they are trusting you to have integrity and respect their privacy, the same way you'd likely hope they would behave if you left them alone with your own.

Some girlfriends and wives out there might believe they have every right to try hacking their boyfriend or husband's phone in order to make sure he hasn't been texting other women on the side, sliding into their DMs when they're not being closely watched, but even if these ladies do find something incriminating that proves he's been cheating, they've already lost the fight. He can now accuse her of not trusting him and of not respecting his privacy, and he will be totally right!

What's more, and you may not realize this, but it is almost impossible to snoop on man's phone and NOT get caught once he realizes it was hacked by someone.

RELATED: 10 Cringeworthy Texts Guys Hate Getting From Women

Trust is the cornerstone of every single romantic relationship.

It doesn't matter how much you like each other, and it doesn't even matter how compatible the two of you are. Unless the two of you completely trust each other within the context of your relationship, there is no foundation on which it can grow and become strong.

Relationships devoid of trust almost always peter out eventually — or collapse altogether. And when two people who don't trust each decide to stay together anyway, the level of dysfunction is typically so extreme that it becomes beyond unhealthy, veering into the toxic and abusive territory.

Like it or not, if you want your relationship to go the distance, you need to slowly but surely build up the trust between you both. That's the only true path to lasting intimacy.

However, building that foundation of trust is far from easy!


It was tough enough in the days before people carried their entire lives' most sensitive and personal files around with them everywhere in their back pocket, but now that we all have smartphones, it's more difficult than ever!

After all, when you know that with just a simple swipe of your finger you could potentially find out everything your partner's been doing and saying, it's incredibly tempting to have a look, even if you aren't suspicious that they might be up to no good.

And if feeling this way is understandable when a relationship is going well, can you imagine how strong the temptation to snoop on a guy's phone must be for a woman with serious concerns that a man may be cheating and who wants to know for sure before taking the risk of confronting him?

That said, most men, and especially men who ARE up to something shady, guard their phones like hawks.

Even if a woman manages to sneak her way into his inbox, the chances he won't figure out what she's done sooner or later (and probably sooner) are pretty much slim to none.

If you doubt me, check out what men on Reddit said when one redditor asked the guys on r/AskMen this question:

"How did you find out your [significant other] snooped your phone? Did you confront them about it or pretend like you didn't know? Also, did they have reason to find you suspicious, hnmmmmmmm...?"

Here's how men on Reddit said they found out their girlfriends or wives tried hacking into their most vulnerable devices to read their private texts, and what happened when they did.

How To Know If Someone Went Through Your Phone

1. Install a helpful app.

"There is an app called 'Intruder Detect'. It snaps a selfie when someone enters the wrong pin or makes too many pin attempts. Usually the pics are of me ... but one day while browsing what it captured there she was. Several times.

Apparently I was the bad guy for installing it and catching her, rather than her for snooping. We didn't last long."

2. They ask to see your phone.

"I dated a girl that would just grab my phone and snoop without shame. I thought it was immature but I didn't care because I wasn't doing anything. It wasn't until later I caught her flirting up a storm with countless dudes. So now when a girl wants to go through my phone, I let them BUT it will make me think they got something to hide."

3. They mention something you texted someone else.

"My ex knew my passcode and then one day blew me up for something I said 'while talking in my sleep.' I had texted my friend precisely what she said the day prior. Never once has anyone told me I talk in my sleep."

4. They look at your phone right in front of you.

"When I watched her pick it up, open it, and start going through pictures. She even had the gall to show me some cat pictures I had forgotten about! Egad!

I imagine there's a huge difference between my wife going through my phone and a girlfriend, but she's had access for as long as I can remember. It was always just easier for her to be able to get into it so she can help me look things up, or use my data to help navigate on car trips, or to help pick a specific song. And I like when she goes through my pictures, sends some to herself, and makes a scrapbook out of it. We've always been very close throughout our relationship, though, so I have trouble relating to the idea that she should not be allowed in, other than the fallacy of 'nothing to hide nothing to fear.'"

5. They confront you about something in your phone.

"I found out because she confronted me about something that she found and didn't agree with. The whole time I'm thinking, what are you doing invading my privacy? From that point forward, even though I had nothing to hide, the writing was on the wall that this was not a long-term relationship anymore."

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6. You let them go through your phone.

"When the wifey and I first started dating, she was a bit insecure because her last boyfriend cheated on her. I happen to have a few friends that are girls, and I could understand how her insecurities could make her very suspicious, so I took off the password on my phone and left it lying around all the time.

A few years later I stumbled upon her talking about something funny that my lady friend and I texted about. I thought that was kinda annoying and asked her about it, and she admitted she snooped though my phone. I put a password on my phone again at that time and we've never had any jealousy or trust issues again. I think that when I gave her the opportunity to snoop, and after years of me being trustworthy she got rid of her insecurities."

7. Check saved fingerprints.

"Not me, but my friend. He had an extra fingerprint saved on his iPhone.. He was in a dilemma whether to ask her why, or just delete the fingerprint and see what happens. He ended up breaking up with her later anyway."

8. Your wallpaper changes.

"When I forgot it at her place and picked it up with her face as the new background."

"She also somehow now knew a lot of extremely personal things about me I hadn't told her yet. I changed my password to something unguessable after that and cut her off a few months later."

9. You share passwords.

"In my marriage, we shared all passwords. I never went through her stuff. She went through mine weekly with a fine-tooth comb. She deleted emails and texts at will, once reported my manager for forwarding a NSFW email, and would question me over every nit-picky item. I never cheated, let alone looked at another woman.

Now that I have the distance and clear head to realize how wrong that was, I refuse to let anyone have that type of access. You want to know something? Ask me and I will show you. No carte blanche."

10. They give you an ultimatum.

"My ex once randomly called me up in the middle of a lecture and demanded my phone. She flat out gave me an ultimatum — phone or break up. I relented. She found literally nothing. She was always really, really suspicious. We ended when she accused me of cheating on her out of the blue because I wasn't replying to her messages. I was in the ICU. She knew that."

11. App widgets randomly change places.

"My phone had the calendar app with a different background and all my apps were switched around in order in my app screen."

12. You constantly change passwords.

"Realistically, there is no chance for her to snoop on me. I use a password manager, so I have a different 16 random character password for every account and change my master password and the pin codes of my devices on a weekly basis."

13. They confess to going through your phone.

"She told me she did. We had a chat about it, I told her whenever I get an urge or a weird vibe I check hers too. It's embarrassing but entirely natural to feel a little jealous or paranoid at times. People aren't always 100% perfect at communication every waking hour. Sometimes there is something subtle between the lines and sometimes there's nothing there at all. If you really trust your SO, you won't care either (provided they are just LOOKING)."

14. They suddenly get angry with you.

"It was my computer, not my phone, but I found out because she woke me up and started yelling at me (she’d been snooping through my email while I slept)."

15. Check the task manager.

"I suspected because she brought up something I said to my friend about her in a text. She didn't know how to get to the Task Manager thing. I don't think she knew something like it existed. so I started clearing all my suspended apps before bed. Contacts, texts and pictures were all in the list one morning shortly after. So I put a lock on my phone. Didn't tell her."

"Next day when I get home, she's screaming at me because I did. 'How'd you know? Is it because you ransacked my phone last night and were planning on doing it again?'

Haha, deer-in-headlights. She has zero reason to ever touch my phone because there's nothing on it for her to play with. So the only reason for her to pick it up is to go through it."

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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.

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