Should Couples Have Each Other's Passwords?

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By Alice Kelly — Written on Jul 29, 2020

Photo: getty

Should Couples Have Each Other's Passwords?

Boundaries are important in every relationship, and all couples should have them.

Whether it’s living in separate homes or having a weekly boys night out, every couple has their own ways of maintaining boundaries that may change or adapt as the relationship continues. We all need to feel comfortable in our relationships, and this is often achieved through having space and independence.

However, too much distance can give rise to insecurities, secrecy, jealousy, and lack of trust in a relationship.

And in this digital age where you can live a whole life online, phones can be a divisive factor in even the strongest of relationships. How do you know your partner isn’t flirting with other people? Or talking badly about you behind your back? Or partaking in activities online that you don’t approve of?

To overcome these worries, you or your partner might think it’s best to remove any barriers and have full access to each other’s phones, laptops, or emails. But is this a healthy solution?

Should couples have each other's passwords to their phones and/or social media?

There’s no how-to manual when it comes to navigating relationships, so whether or not you have your partner’s passwords is totally up to you.

But it helps to weigh up some pros and cons so you’re making a good decision for the right reasons.

What are the risks of sharing your passwords with your partner?

Asking for your partner’s passwords is a risky move that could easily be perceived as possessive, controlling and untrusting.

In any relationship, particularly new relationships, privacy is important. Having access to each other’s phone or other devices forces transparency rather than allowing you two to open up naturally. This can backfire and leave you both feeling as though your boundaries have been disrespected.

Removing passwords seems like a logical solution in a situation where you feel your partner is being secretive or hiding something from you. But unlocking phones does not solve trust issues. You have to get to the root of your problems if you want to maintain a loyal, healthy relationship.

If you’re checking your partner’s phone for answers instead of confronting them, you’re only adding to the breakdown in communication.

Talk openly with your partner if you feel their secrecy is a red flag. If you suspect cheating or are worried by your partner’s online habits, don’t ask for their password; instead, ask for honesty and a change in behavior.

Even though it might seem like a good idea when you’re together, knowing each other’s passwords can be detrimental in a breakup.

No one thinks they’ll have a toxic breakup until they have one, and then, all of a sudden, you’re apologizing to your boss for an email your ex sent, or are desperately trying to contact your bank to cancel your cards.

In any case, make sure you change your passwords immediately after your breakup to avoid these kinds of repercussions.

What are the rewards of sharing your passwords with your partner?

Sharing passwords can feel good in a relationship if it helps remove any barriers and makes you feel more connected.

Provided you trust each other fully and still have healthy boundaries, it can feel good to know that neither of you have anything to hide. When you’ve been together for several years, you’re probably already living in each other’s pockets, so it might make sense to have full access.

There are also practical benefits to knowing each other's passwords.

Should Couples Have Each Other's Phone Passwords?

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Should couples have each other's passwords to their phones and/or social media?

What are the risks of sharing your passwords with your partner?

What are the rewards of sharing your passwords with your partner?