If You Have These 4 Traits, You May Be Accidentally Attracting Narcissists Into Your Life

Here's why you've been attracting the wrong kind of people into your life.

woman's friend comforting her empathetic heart gremlin via Canva

By Marisa Donnelly

What are the signs of a narcissist, a toxic relationship, or the red flags of toxic love?

A narcissist, in its most basic definition, is a person who’s wildly self-centered or selfish.

Getting into a relationship with someone like that sounds like a terrible idea, yet many people unintentionally fall in love with a narcissist for a variety of reasons.

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Whether blinded by love, emotionally vulnerable, or something far more complicated, it’s definitely possible to fall for this type of person, even if you’re self-aware or in a positive mental state.

Here are four ways you may be accidentally entangling yourself in a toxic relationship so you can hopefully catch the signs before getting in too deep.

If you have these 4 traits, you may be accidentally attracting narcissists into your life:

1. You believe the best in people and are willing to forgive and forget

If you’re the type of person who sees and believes the best in people, then it’s very possible for you to fall in love with a narcissist.


Narcissists can be very convincing, and if they’ve persuaded you to feel or think a certain way, you might have trust in them simply because you’re a good person.

When you see the best in others, you are easily convinced — and may even convince yourself — that things are not as bad as they seem. 

(Even if others have tried to show you otherwise.)

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2. You’re caught up in the passion over the reality of the relationship

The phrase ‘blinded by love’ rings true if you fall in love with a narcissist.

Whether you’re overwhelmed by the intensity of the connection (narcissists are very dramatic people!), persuaded by emotions, or driven by lust, you may continue to stay in a toxic relationship because you foolishly believe that person loves and values you.


3. You’re convinced that this person will change

Narcissists are extremely manipulative.

Regardless of how many times they’ve messed up, they have the uncanny ability to convince you that they will change their behavior and never hurt you again.

And if you’re already invested in the connection, you may believe them.

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4. You’re being manipulated and the warning signs are disguised as something else

Narcissists are able to disguise warning signs and red flags by their conniving behavior.

For example, rather than taking responsibility for cheating on you, they might spin the entire event and say that you were being ‘too clingy’ or not giving them space.


Oftentimes people can get wrapped up in this toxicity because they don’t recognize the true warning signs and manipulation tactics.

They’ve normalized these behaviors, or have become immune to their partner’s behavior altogether.

How to recognize the warning signs and protect yourself:

You can fall in love with a narcissist just as easily as you can fall in love with anyone else. 

Attraction, affection, and connection play a role as they would in any relationship.


However, in order to protect yourself from a relationship with the wrong one, a toxic connection, or even potential abuse/trauma, it’s important to recognize these narcissistic behaviors and patterns before you’re head over heels.

If a person is exhibiting behavior that doesn’t feel right, if he/she is trying to control your every move, or if you’re often made to feel guilty for the choices you make—pay attention!

These can be the beginnings of a negative relationship and it’s better to be safe than sorry when it comes to your heart.

If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.

If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474, or log onto thehotline.org.


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Marisa Donnelly is a freelance writer and editor who has been featured in the Huffington Post, Bustle, Elite Daily, Better Homes and Gardens, and more