If He Exhibits These 9 Behaviors, He's Not Just Protective — He's Controlling

Get out!

man controlling woman grabbing arm MDV Edwards / Shutterstock

The phrase "love is blind" couldn't be truer. When you're infatuated with somebody, you see what you want to see and ignore the maybe not-so-great parts of who they are.

And the notion that true love means to be accepting of your partner's best and worst qualities complicates things further. The line between accepting abuse and being tolerant of their flaws is especially blurred in the eyes of someone dangerously in love. They might see a partner being controlling as a way of him or her showing how much they love them.


But the truth is, a relationship that's unbalanced in any form is an unhealthy one. 

It also doesn't matter whether or not your significant other is asserting power over you based on their own insecurities. It is not your job to make them feel secure about themselves. You can absolutely do your part as a loving partner to help, but their doubts will almost always overpower your efforts.

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If he exhibits these nine behaviors, he's not just protective — he's controlling: 

1. They need to know where you are at all times

He or she doesn't like being left in the dark, so they require you to keep them posted on your whereabouts.

They might feel threatened by the person they're with, and their insecurities get the best of them. He or she gets upset about unreturned texts and calls. 

3. They're vocal about who they don't like you hanging out with

Whether it's exes, friends of the opposite sex, close pals, or family members, they're not afraid to let you know who they approve or disapprove of.

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4. They randomly check in on you

It's not unusual to receive phone calls in the middle of work or during dinner with friends, even though you've already given them a heads-up.

5. They don't like you being out too long without them

They're possessive and don't like the idea of having to share you with others. 

6. They don't give you any privacy

He or she asks to see your phone or computer to figure out who you've been talking to and about what. 

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7. They always give you an ultimatum

To get their way, they make you choose between them and others through guilt or threats.

8. They don't let you talk to certain people

They've expressed who they don't feel comfortable with you keeping in touch with and get upset if you do. 


9. You feel restricted in any way

Trust your gut. If you feel like you're trapped or unable to live your life freely, consider leaving this relationship if things don't improve after discussing it with your partner.

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Nicole Yi is a writer who covers relationship, love, and marriage topics.