Photo: Andrew Power on Unsplash
According to two relationship coaches.
By Jillian & Jan Yuhas — Last updated on Nov 30, 2022
As you begin searching for a foolproof relationship, you might begin by qualifying the kind of partner you would like to marry and what they have to offer.
In fact, you probably have the ultimate checklist for what you want in a man.
It may include an Ivy League college degree with post-nominal letters, similar religious affiliation and upbringing, a powerful bank account, social status, and eventually a marriage license.
When it comes to choosing a life partner, will your relationship based on materialistic things and paper documents withstand the test of time?
If your relationship is founded on document-based deal breakers, sustaining an unwavering love will most likely fall short.
The five things some women expect from guys that won't lead to lasting love:
1. A college degree
Education has always been a priority for you. Maybe you were raised by a family of highly educated professionals whose Ivy League status defines their identity.
Without a post-nominal suffix, the random combination of letters people use to refer to you is nothing more than a name.
With a college degree at the forefront of your relationship requirements, will it define your level of wisdom about relationships or the amount of love you are capable of giving? Perhaps not.
If education is the ultimate factor in sustaining your relationship, you’ll want to make sure there is more to offer to the dynamic. Reminiscing about your college days and reciting textbook lingo day in and day out will lose its intrigue.
So while being a sapiosexual may be a huge turn-on, you’ll want to consider if those post-nominal letters are going to bring happiness, understanding, laughter, passion, and intimacy to your relationship status. There’s no degree or certificate when it comes to true love.
2. Matching religious beliefs
During your child-rearing years, your caregivers may have taught you to believe in and follow a certain religious affiliation. Being passed down generation after generation, you were enlightened with traditions and rituals that bonded you to your ideology. And going outside those beliefs was unheard of, or perhaps even forbidden.
While having common beliefs is important to the infrastructure of a relationship, they alone will not create happiness or love between one another. Love is blind to creed, race, gender, socioeconomic status, and lineage et al. We are one love.
Nevertheless, a more important factor to support a happy marriage, interfaith or same faith, is common interests. This outweighs any other factor for developing and sustaining a genuine bond.
Without being able to enjoy each other’s company through similar interests, the relationship will most likely fizzle to non-existent.
3. An impressive bank statement
Having a deep pocket full of change can definitely make life easier. It presents more opportunities and allows you to experience things you might not have gotten to experience if otherwise. Money makes the world go around, but money can’t buy love — or happiness, for that matter.
True relationships form from a warm-hearted unity where you and your partner promise to love each other for richer or for poorer. So if you don’t find this to be true, then are you really in love? You have to treasure your partner for who they are with or without capital.
When push comes to shove, money can’t serve as the glue that holds your union together. On the contrary, there is one bank account you’ll need when it comes to your relationship — an emotional bank account.
When you make lots of deposits, your communication becomes quite effortless. This truly allows you to be yourself as your partner feels secure and safe in the relationship.
And when there is a high level of trust, small hiccups are less likely to cause chaos between you and your partner.
You’ll be able to easily solve the conflict and move forward.
4. A high-status name
Social status may be a thing you desire to live a privileged lifestyle, but you will not find it to be all it's necessarily cracked up to be. There’s no security to protect your relationship, as it’s something you have to be willing to put effort into — with or without the social status.
Living a luxurious life brings valuable benefits of social approval, however, when it comes to love, you have to seek approval within yourself first.
Being able to fully accept yourself — imperfections and all, you will naturally attract a partner of similar worth. Regardless of what name you carry around on your identification card, you have the freedom to be who you want to be by owning who you are.
When choosing a partner for romantic love and commitment, you are more likely to make sacrifices of economic status for fulfillment and companionship.
Not saying you can not have a fulfilling relationship with higher social status, but you are likely to fall in love for the right reasons when you focus on what matters.
Your status will not solidify a healthy relationship for eternity.
5. A marriage license
Think getting hitched will give you the ultimate commitment of respect, honesty, trust, friendship, and love? Please know that it’s quite unlikely.
A marriage license won’t be a miracle remedy for a fickle relationship. You will want to develop a deeper connection between you and your partner prior to tying the knot.
A relationship can’t survive the rocky waters unless you get to the root of your issues to maintain a healthy, loving and harmonious relationship. Being able to identify and work through your challenges will allow you to have growth for an amazing connection.
There is no band-aid strong enough to make a relationship work if both partners are not invested prior to marriage.
Marriage can be a beautiful life goal when love and friendship are at the heart of the union. Signifying your vows collectively while embracing each of your idiosyncrasies as a whole gives new purpose to the deep love you share.
While a marriage license will not protect you from disheartening moments, it conveys the joint message, “We made this commitment together for better or for worse.”
If you want a relationship that is authentic and will stand the test of time, then you’ll want to follow your heart when choosing a partner. Selecting someone for materialistic reasons just because they look good on paper is bound to lead to serious heartbreak.
More for You:
Jan and Jillian Yuhas are dating and relationship coaches who help men attract the women they want.