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Woman Asks If She's Wrong For Refusing To Babysit A Child Her Husband Fathered While Having An Affair

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After refusing to babysit her stepdaughter, one woman took to Reddit to ask people for their opinion on whether or not she was in the wrong.

The woman explained that her husband cheated on her three years ago with their mutual friend, Jane. However, after a lot of discussion and counseling, the woman decided to stay with her husband. She added that her husband is still in touch with Jane as the affair resulted in a daughter, and she is also actively involved in that child’s life.

“It was difficult but we managed to find a coparenting situation that worked best for us, however it required a lot of sacrifice on my part,” she wrote, explaining some of the major changes she made to her life to take care of her stepdaughter. She wrote, “She [Jane] was nervous about day care so my husband said that I would have to give up my job to take care of her, as I made the least money between us.” 

But, after years of compromises, the woman is putting her foot down and is refusing to help out with childcare for an upcoming event.

Her husband insisted that she cancel her birthday plans to babysit her stepdaughter.

The woman wrote that her husband is planning to attend his brother’s wedding and Jane is also going as her best friend is the bride and she is the bridesmaid. That meant that the woman would have to babysit her stepdaughter. She mentioned that she doesn't have anything against her stepdaughter, however, this weekend just wasn't a good time for her.

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She wrote, “Usually this would be fine, as I love her very much, but the weekend of the wedding is also my birthday weekend, and my best friend had planned a trip away for us both.”  

The woman then voiced her plans to her husband and he agreed to talk to Jane about making other plans. However, that didn’t work out as her husband told her that Jane wasn’t comfortable with someone else taking care of her daughter.

The woman further wrote, “The trip/wedding is this weekend so I told him there was no way I was letting my friend lose the money she spent on the trip… I was going to attend my birthday trip and they would have to decide which one of them missed the wedding.”  

After that, they got into a fight with the husband blaming the woman for not making adjustments for the sake of her stepdaughter.

People on Reddit sided with the woman.

Internet users quite clearly saw that the woman didn’t do anything wrong and that her husband was being inconsiderate, given that the weekend was her birthday.

One user wrote, “Your husband prioritizes the wants and needs of Jane and his daughter and you are his live in childcare. He doesn’t even want to bring you to his brothers wedding? On your birthday? For a weekend? He doesn’t want to do anything nice for you?”

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The husband's lack of compromising is suggestive of selfishness on his part, if that wasn't already made clear by the affair. According to Clinical Hypnotherapist and Relationship Coach Keya Murthy, "a selfish husband always tends to his moods and personal needs and ignores his partner’s moods and needs. A selfish husband convinces his partner to agree with him all the time."

The situation enraged people, who unsurprisingly questioned the woman as to why she was still with the man after he cheated on her.

Another user wrote, “LEAVE. File for divorce, he has a child outside of the marriage so you definitely have grounds. Please don't waste the only life you have with this fool.”

“It shows how little your husband values you or your marriage," one person wrote, and they are right. As Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, a forensic psychologist specializing in familial dysfunction and traumatic experience, and a marriage and family therapist and certified relationship expert, has explained to POPSUGAR, "If your partner expects and often demands that you contribute more to the relationship than he/she is willing to do, it's a major sign of underappreciation."

As the woman explained in her post, she already accepted him back into her life after his affair, adopted his daughter that he had during that affair and quit her job to take care of that daughter. Letting her enjoy her birthday plans is a small price for him to pay — not to mention he should want to spend time with his own daughter.

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Sanika Nalgirkar, M.F.A. is a writer who covers entertainment & news, lifestyle, and pop culture topics.